


Breaking the Ice

by Taliax



Series: Icebreaking [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bad Decisions, Disney Multiverse, F/M, Friendship, Gaston references, Romance, crackship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-04
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 22:01:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 51,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3334391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taliax/pseuds/Taliax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's just one date, more of an icebreaker than anything. Really. Kind of. At least it started out that way. The funny thing is, you don't always know what's beneath that ice. Saix trusts his best friend and his sister; he just doesn't always trust them together, even under the safest conditions possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Ages, for anyone who cares: Axel and Saïx are 17, Aqua and Terra are 18, and Xion, Roxas, Kairi, and Sora are 16. Oh, and Vanitas is 10. I think that’s everyone who might matter. 
> 
> This chapter is from Axel’s POV. The POV will change with each chapter.

Let me just start off by saying this whole thing wasn’t my idea.  Well, okay, it kinda was, but it wouldn’t have worked out if it weren’t for Aqua and Kairi, so Saïx can go berserk on them too.  Besides, what was I supposed to do when Xion kept glancing over at me with those irresistible blue eyes?

I was just an innocent bystander who happened to walk out of our “study session” (which is code for “Saïx droning passages out of my Chemistry textbook while I yawn and try to convince him to let us take an ice cream break”) at the right time.

XXX

“…I’m not just a girl _sometimes,”_ Aqua huffs to Kairi as Saïx and I come down the stairs to finally get some food.  “I don’t know why Terra teases me about it so much when he apparently thinks I’m girly enough to ask out on a date.”

Kairi grins in her know-it-all little-sisterish way.  “Don’t you think that might be why he teases you?  So you’d go on a date with him to prove you can act girly when you want?”

Aqua groans.  “If you’re right, I did exactly what he wanted me to.”

“So?  You like him.  It’s good for both of you.”

“Kairi _…_ ”  She protests helplessly.

I would never tell her, but Kairi’s usually right when it comes to romantic junk, long as it’s for anyone but herself.  She has a reputation for it – her cell phone number’s at the top of the Gossip Central Hotline.  At least she’s smart about what and what not to pass on, which is probably why so many people trust her.  That and her innocent face, which I’ll admit it usually sincere.   _Usually._

Saïx tenses, gripping the railing like it insulted him. 

“What, jealous your hot sister’s going on a date when you can’t get up the nerve to ask out anyone?”  I tease.  He glares daggers at me.  Good thing I’ve become pretty dagger-proof over the eleven years we’ve been friends.

“Of course not.”

“Y’know, that Jasmine Sultana girl’s pretty into you…”  I can’t help adding.  It’s an understatement – Jasmine’s been flirting with Saïx the whole school year despite his attempts to brush her off.

“I would rather have my scar cut open and washed with salt,” he deadpans.

 “If you say so.”  I shrug with a grin, and we continue on our way to the kitchen, catching another snippet of Kairi and Aqua’s conversation.

“…Sora and I aren’t really a couple yet, we’ve just talked about this one date for now,” Kairi says, startling me into dropping my bag of dried fruit (Eraqus, Saïx’s dad, isn’t big on chips and junk food, so I’m always stuck with healthy stuff at his house).  “I mean, I’d like to be his girlfriend, but you know how Sora can be…”

Aqua nods.  “It’s easier to take this kind of thing slowly, though.  It just hurts everyone if you get too close to each other and then decide that kind of relationship isn’t best.”

“Amen to that,” I agree.  It’s good that Kairi’s got someone smart enough to give her advice that she wouldn’t take from me, even though I doubt Aqua’s learned that lesson the hard way like I have.  Sticking my head into the oversized living room, I grin at my sister.  “So Sora finally asked you out?”

Kairi rolls her eyes at me.  “Axel, we’re having girl talk.  Stop eavesdropping.”

“Well, you’retalking too loud,” I point out.  “And I’m taking that as a yes.  You tell Mom already?”

“Yes, I did, and before you ask, we’re going ice skating with Aqua and Terra, six o’clock tomorrow night,” she rehearses.  I know Aqua’ll keep my little sister out of trouble, even though I trust Sora – he, Riku, and Kairi hang out at our house all the time, plus he’s Roxas’s cousin.  Still, I’m Kairi’s big brother; sue me if I’m a little protective.

I give her a thumbs-up.  “I’ll give that the Axel Stamp of Approval.”

She rolls her eyes again and goes back to her talk with Aqua as Saïx grumbles something, but the sound of the front door opening distracts me from whatever he said.

“Hi Aqua, hi Kairi,” Xion says with an adorable smile, closing the door behind her. 

“What, no hi for me?”  I pretend to be offended, and she laughs and walks over to the kitchen table where Saïx and I are snacking on some chewy dehydrated apples.  Seriously, how does their family live off this stuff?

“Sorry, I didn’t see you back there, Axel.  Hi.”  I grin when her smile and shining eyes are directed at me. 

“You mean you looked over this amount of awesome?”  I gasp exaggeratedly, liking the pink tinge on her cheeks as she rolls her eyes at me.  I laugh and ruffle her hair.

“Axel, your conceitedness is showing,” Saïx says bluntly.

“Oh, hi Saïx,” she adds, taking the chair next to me and eating an apple slice.  “What are you guys doing?”

“Studying,” he replies curtly.  “Nothing that concerns you.”

I frown, chewing another tasteless dried apple.  “C’mon, Saï, she was just asking.  We’re not even studying anymore, anyway.”

Xion shrugs as usual, unaffected by Saïx’s tone.  Most of the time when I’m at their house he tries to keep his distance from his siblings, especially Xion, but I don’t know why.  Well, I can understand him avoiding Vanitas since that kid’s annoying, and sometimes even downright evil.  Don’t ask me how he ended up in the same family as Xion and Aqua, who are just about the nicest people I’ve ever met.  I’d call Xion _the_ nicest person I’ve ever met, but I’m biased since she’s been my best friend for as long as Saïx and Roxas have – and let’s face it, Saïx’s not going to be winning any nice guy awards anytime soon, and Roxas… well, Roxas is Roxas.  They’re just not the same as Xion.

“It’s fine, Axel.  I’m sure Saïx’s just grumpy because you two have been studying for so long.”  She smiles again, and it’s amazing how simply curving her lips upwards can look so…  Dang it, I’ve gotta stop looking at her like that around Saïx.  He’s bound to notice sooner or later.

“No, I just need Axel to stop getting sidetracked so I can help him study for his Chemistry exam.”  My Chem teacher’s crazy, giving an exam the day before Christmas break.  How many people does he expect to show up?  I bet anyone who does won’t have studied at all, not with vacation so close.  Well, except me, thanks to Saïx.

“Ugh, but we’ve been studying for _over an hour,_ ” I complain.  Saïx’s one of my best friends and all, but he can be a total workaholic.  I’ll admit that I do owe my low B’s in most of my classes to his help since I tend to get, for lack of a better word, “distracted” at school.  I’d rather say “focusing on more interesting stuff,” like I dunno, _anything else_.  I only took the class in the first place ‘cause I thought we’d blow stuff up.  The only thing I’ve blown up so far is my brain.

“You’ve been trying to get out of studying for over an hour,” Saïx corrects.

“So? You helped me study yesterday, and the day before that too.  I’ve got it memorized.”  I tap the side of my head.  “C’mon, let’s go get some ice cream.  I think McDuck’s place started their Half-Price Thursday deal today.”

Saïx sighs in that “I-can’t-believe-you’re-thinking-about-ice-cream-when-we-could-be-working-ourselves-to-death” way he’s so good at.

“Don’t blame me if you fail your exam tomorrow,” he finally relents.

“So you’re coming?”  I grin.

“I suppose so.”  He sighs.

“Awesome.  You wanna come too, Xi?”

She bites her lip, glancing towards Saïx with hopeful eyes.  “If it’s alright with both of you.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”  I ask before Saïx can take those hopes and throw them out the imaginary window.

“…I suppose it would be fine, if Father approves.”  Saïx clearly doesn’t want her to tag along, but at least he hasn’t protested out loud.  He stores the bag of dried apples back in the OCD-organized pantry and walks down the back hall to find Eraqus.

Xion and I migrate over to the living room to wait for him, and not surprisingly, Kairi and Aqua are still chatting away about their dates.

“I’ve got my work discount if you haven’t paid in advance,” Aqua offers.

“Don’t worry about it; Sora said he’s got it covered.”  Kairi shrugs.  “It’s just three hundred munny, anyway.”

“Three hundred munny for what?”  Xion sits on the fancy couch across from the one Kairi and Aqua are on, and I plop down next to her.

“Ice skating,” Aqua replies.

“You two are going ice skating?  Can I come?”  Xion pretty much radiates excitement from her eyes.  I don’t know how anyone could think of crushing that, but Aqua does. 

“I’m sorry, Xion.”  At least she’s sympathetic about it.  “Kairi and I are going on a double date with Sora and Terra.  I don’t want you to end up as a fifth wheel.  Trust me; I know what it feels like.”

“Oh, that time with Terra and Ella, and Ven and Snow…”  Kairi winces. 

“Oh… yeah, I guess you’re right.” Xion sighs.  “I just haven’t been ice skating with you guys in forever, with you working so much now.”

Aqua gets up and walks over to us, placing a hand on Xion’s shoulder.

“I know I’ve been working a lot, and you’re not the only one I haven’t been able to spend time with.  I’m looking forward to finally getting a date night.”  The last time she went on a date was almost a year ago with Zack, which I only know about because Saïx can’t stand the guy’s constant excitement.  Still, Xion slumps in disappointment.  “I’m sure we can find time to hang out, now that it’s almost Christmas Break.”

“…You’re right.  I’m sorry for being rude about it,” Xion says glumly, then drops her head and mutters something that sounds like “If only…”

Her eyes flicker over to mine for a moment, and apparently Aqua notices too, because she half-smiles at us knowingly.  I don’t recognize that right away; I’m too caught up in that expression in Xion’s eyes…

“How about I go on a date with you?”

Okay, for the record, I did _not_ plan on saying that.  It just slipped out. I’d… entertained… the idea of asking Xion out a few times since she turned sixteen three months ago, but I didn’t mean to act on it.  She’s my best friend.  Sure, she’s cute, and like I said earlier, the nicest person I know, and I’ve started looking at her differently since what I just refer to as “The Larxene Incident.”  But I’d hate to make our friendship awkward.  Even though I’ve got a suspicion about her crushing on me, I’ve been completely wrong about this kind of stuff before.

Besides, there’s Saïx to think about.  …But he can’t be mad at me for helping out a friend, right?  It’s the natural thing to do.

“You – you’d do that for me?”  She stutters.  Hopefully out of excitement and not shock.

“Why not?  You’re sixteen now, so your dad’ll let you date as long as you’re with a group, right?  Nothing serious,” I try to act nonchalant about it.  “That way we can go ice skating with them and nobody gets left out.”  It really is the perfect excuse.  Even if we crash and burn date-wise, it’s casual enough to not put a dent in our friendship.  Not a big one, at least. Probably.  “You do want to go, right?”

Xion beams at me.  “Of course!  I’ll have to ask Father, though…”  She give gives me a quick and unexpected hug.  “Thank you, Axel,” she says before hopping up off the couch.

“My pleasure.”  I grin, wondering how much of her excitement is the just the idea of going on a date and how much is the idea of going on a date with me.  That is, if her dad gives the O.K.

I wince on the inside.  Hopefully Eraqus doesn’t still hold that grudge against me…

But right now I have another problem.  Is it Kairi’s mischievous giggling?  Nope, but I’m sure that’ll be back to haunt me later.  Aqua’s oddly satisfied expression, then?  Confusing, but another no.

Saïx is back, and he’s looking between the four of us like we’ve sprouted tentacles or something.  I quickly wipe the stupid grin off my face, Kairi coughs to hide her giggling, and Xion’s eyes widen before she turns around.

“Would someone like to explain what just happened here?”  He asks with his normal calm voice while I run my mind at ninety miles an hour to come up with answers to the inevitable interrogation I’m gonna get.  Knowing how much he hates it when Xion hangs out with us, he’s not gonna be too happy about this, but come on, it’s just _one date._ He’ll get over it.

“I asked Xion out on a date,” I say simply.

“And I’m going,” Xion adds, sounding determined.

Saïx blanks, deer-in-the-headlights style.  Like, I can’t read him _at all,_ which scares me more than his earlier glaring.  But then something even weirder happens – he looks _frightened,_ which is frankly insulting.  What, does he think I’m going to hurt her or something?  I hope I misread his face; he’s back to glaring now, and he’s about to say something before Xion cuts him off.

“No,” she says like she can read his mind.  “You’re not Father, and Axel’s my friend too.  I don’t need your permission.”

“If they want to go out, that’s their choice, not yours,” Aqua adds calmly, then turns to her sister.  “I’ll come with you to ask Father.”

“I’ll come too,” Kairi adds quickly.  I don’t blame her.  Saïx’s glare-daggers are firing all over the place, and he just bumps it up a notch once the three of them leave.  I sit there and stare back, determined not to back down.

Surprisingly, I don’t have to hold his gaze long before he looks away with a sigh. 

“…Why?” 

Is that all he’s gonna ask?  I expected something more dramatic with the way he’d been glaring.  Well, I’m thankful he didn’t flip his lid.  I’ve seen his true anger only twice in my life, and I’d like it to stay that way.  It’s good to know that I haven’t pushed his berserk button yet.

“Why what?”  I counter, crossing my arms.

No witty retort to that, either.  “Why did you ask my sister out?”  is his simple reply.

Saïx stands in front of me while I’m still sitting on the couch, which makes me feel strangely like I’m in time-out. 

“She’s not just your sister, she’s my friend.  Didn’t you hear what she said?  Besides, you don’t even like her,” I retort.  “Don’t try to pull the “protective big brother” card after you’ve spent so much time making sure she doesn’t hang out with us.”

Saïx looks away for a moment, but his face isn’t guilty.  His eyebrows are pulled close together like he’s thinking hard about something, and it kills me that I can’t tell what.  He shakes his head and looks up.

“That doesn’t answer my question,” he says.  “Why?”

“She wanted to go ice skating with Aqua and Kairi, but they’re going with Terra and Sora, and Aqua didn’t want her to be a fifth wheel.  We’re going as friends.  No need to freak out about it.”  It’s half-true, but that means it’s also a half-lie, which I should never have to tell to my best friend.  But how could I explain that I might like his sister as more than a friend? 

Saïx narrows his eyes.  “Just friends?  Does she know that?”

No, she doesn’t.  I don’t meet his eyes.  “Sheesh, Saï, are you gonna stand there and play twenty questions with me all night?  Get to the point, if you’ve got one.”

After a long silence he sighs, almost too quietly for me to hear, and sits down beside me.  He shifts uncomfortably, like the couch is layered with cactus spines.

“…She wasn’t supposed to grow up so fast.  I still remember when she left My Little Pony running on the television twenty-four hours a day,” he mutters softly, managing to sound both nostalgic and disgusted in a way only he can.

“If it makes you feel any better, she still watches My Little Pony.”  I grin.  “Her favorite one’s Twilight Sparkle, but I have to say Rainbow Dash is the coolest.”

He looks like I’ve just tried to convince him the moon is made of cheese.  “Don’t tell me she got you into it too.”

“What?  Friendship is Magic’s actually a good show!”  Saïx won’t allow it on in his house, so Xion and I, and sometimes Roxas, watch it at my place.  Someday I’m going to get him to watch at least one episode all the way through.  “Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.”

“Remember what I said about Jasmine Sultana?  I’d rather go out with her than watch My Little Pony.”

“I could arrange that.”

He shoots me a yellow-eyed glare.  “The point, which you told me to get to, is that you weren’t supposed to help her grow up.  That’s my job.”

I open my mouth to say something about how watching Friendship is Magic isn’t going to make her any older, but the words catch in my throat. 

“So you really _do_ care about her.”

“Why wouldn’t I?  She’s my sister.”

“You’ve got an odd way of showing it.”  Of course, he has an odd way of showing a lot of things.  Like the fact that we’re friends, for example.  “Anyway, she’s been growing up for a long time.  Even you can’t stop that. What you _can_ do is let me help her, show her the ropes and all that.  Do you want her first date to be some moron like Gaston, or someone you can trust?”  Gaston would never ask her out; he’s too busy chasing after Belle, and Xion would never be dumb enough to date him.  But it gets the point across.

I see the color drain from his face, making his scar stand out angrily – I’ve hit his weak spot.

“I can help her avoid some of the dumb mistakes I’ve made, and we won’t make anything awkward.  I promise.  You’re my best friend, and I would _never_ do anything to hurt you or your sister.  You trust me, right?”

Saïx pauses for a long moment before mumbling, “Yes…  I trust you.”

I grin and clap him on the shoulder, mentally sighing in relief.  “That means a lot, Saï.”

He pushes my hand off and looks me in the eyes.

“Just be sure you keep your promise.”

My eyes follow him as he heads up the stairs to his room.  I’ll have to watch myself pretty close tomorrow…

It’s weird being along in the huge living room, but I distract myself by staring at Eraqus’s collection of fancy keys in all shapes, sizes, and colors mounted all over the walls until the girls come back.

“Did Saïx…?”  Xion trails off.  I shake my head.

“He’ll get over it; he’s just jealous that he can’t come ice-skating too,” I joke, wishing the rest of me was as confident as my voice.

“He needs to stop acting like he’s in charge of my life.”  She sighs.  I’ve never heard her complain about his control-freakish nature before, but I don’t have time to think about it.

“My father wants to speak with you,” Aqua says.  Of course.

“Now?”  I ask through a grimace even though I already know the answer.

She nods.  “He’s training with Vani in the dojo.”

Yes, their house is big enough to have a _freaking dojo_.  And he wants to talk to me there.  Wonderful _._ If Eraqus still holds a grudge from that incident a few years back, he’s in the perfect place to beat me into a pulp.

“Follow me,” she says when she realizes I haven’t moved.  “Xion, Kairi, you’d better stay here.”

They both nod somberly.  As I walk away with Aqua, I look over my shoulder.  Xion flashes me an encouraging smile, while Kairi slices a very un-encouraging finger over her neck.

The rest of the walk down the long hallways feels like my own funeral procession.


	2. Approval

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Xion's POV.

“Is it still too early for a victory dance?”  I ask Kairi once Axel and Aqua leave.

“Maybe just a little.”  She pinches two fingers together, leaving only an inch of space between them. 

I sigh.  It was all I could do to stop myself from jumping up and down with excitement the second Axel asked me out, and now I have to worry about Saïx trying to ruin it.  “That’s what I thought.”

“Your dad didn’t sound too happy about you going out with Axel,” Kairi says with a frown.

“All he said was that he thought my first date would be with Roxas.”  He’s my best friend, but the idea of dating him is just as weird as dating one of my brothers.  “I don’t think Father has anything against Axel.  Not anymore, at least, or he wouldn’t have even bothered to talk with him.”

I hope I’m right.  If he won’t let us go, after how long I’ve waited…  No, Father will come around.  I _know_ he will; he has to.

“That’s true,” Kairi agrees.  I wonder if she’s just saying that so that my hopes aren’t crushed or if she actually believes it.

“I’m more worried about Saïx,” I say, sitting on the couch.  “I wonder what he said to Axel…”

“Well, he didn’t sound worried,” Kairi says cheerfully, sitting beside me.

“I know, but Axel never worries.”  ‘Hakuna Matata’ might as well be his motto.  He’s always so confident and sure of himself – it shows in the way he walks, the things he says, his smile…  I shake my head.  “Saïx is my brother, and I love him and he’s usually nice to me, but he acts so weird whenever I’m around Axel.”  I sigh.  He wasn’t so bad about it until around three years ago.  Maybe he decided it’s not cool to hang out with his “little sister,” even though I’m only a year younger than him. Besides, Axel’s usually fine with Kairi.

“Hmm…”  She thinks for a moment, smoothing out a wrinkle in her pink skirt.  “Maybe he’s just jealous.  Like he thinks you might steal his friend or something.”

“What’s wrong with Axel being friends with _both_ of us?”  I grumble.  I’ll probably never understand Saïx.  He might as well be from a different planet.  Maybe a different universe.

Kairi holds her hands up in defense.  “I’m not saying that’s his reason, I’m just thinking out loud.  To be fair, it would be hard for him to see his sister and his best friend on a date.  Give him some time to get used to it.”

I frown, resting my chin in my palm.  I hadn’t thought about that before…  He shouldn’t try to dictate my life, but I _could_ be a little nicer on him.  After all, he’s my brother, and I’m stuck with him.

“You’re probably right, Kairi.”  As usual.  I sigh when she pats my shoulder.  “I hope he’ll understand if I talk to him…”

“He’ll have to, once he sees how much you and Axel like each other.”

I stare at her, eyes wide.  How did she know?  I’ve never told _anyone_ about my crush before, not even Aqua, the best secret-keeper I know.  The only place I’ve admitted it at all is my diary.

“I – I…  It’s not like…”  I stutter hopelessly.

She laughs, and I frown at her.  “Xi, I’m not blind.”

That’s the downside to having the best observer of relationships as your friend.  And the upside, I guess.  “But… wait, you said he likes me too?  He was probably just trying to cheer me up,” I say glumly.

“I’m his sister, remember?  I know these things.”  Kairi smiles comfortingly at me, but a flash of worry makes my stomach flop.

 “You’re not mad at me for going out with your brother, are you?”  After what she said about understanding Saïx…

“Of course not!  You’re perfect for him,” she says, making my heart flutter.  “Way better than _Larxene.”_

The mention of Axel’s last girlfriend hurts like being pricked with hundreds of tiny knives.  Larxene practically ripped Axel’s heart out after four months of dating last year.  I still feel guilty about how excited I was when I found out – Nobodydeserves that kind of pain, especially not Axel.

“So I’m the only one who has to deal with a sibling’s disapproval,” I mutter.  It shouldn’t matter, but if Saïx could manage to convince Axel to drop the whole thing…  He wouldn’t do that, would he?

“You already told him you don’t need his permission.  He can’t stop you,” Kairi says.  Then she flashes me a grin that I can’t help but think looks evil.  “How long have you liked Axel, anyway?”

Leave it to Kairi to change the subject like that.  I groan, dropping my face into my hands.  “…I don’t know.  Forever?”  I’ve been trying to tune out my feelings for him for almost as long as I can remember.  Even when I turned sixteen and finally had any sort of hope for anything romantic between us, I figured he only saw me as a friend.

But if Kairi’s right…  And I can’t remember her ever being wrong before…

She nods with a giggle.  “I thought it might be something like that.”

“Am I really that obvious?”  I ask, feeling my face heat up.

“Just as obvious as the blush on your face,” she teases.  “But don’t worry, even if Axel’s picked up on it, he doesn’t know for sure.  You should tell him yourself.”

  _“What?!”_  I start to hyperventilate.  Where did that advice even _come_ from?  “I-I can’t do _that!_ It’s just a casual date, what if I hurt our friendship? I’d neverforgive myself!”

“Calm _down,_ Xi.”  Kairi turns to look at me sternly.  “Look, you’ll never get anywhere if you don’t tell him.”

“I don’t even know for sure if we’re going!”  I panic, not thinking to point out that she still hasn’t told Sora she likes him.  “Father might say no, and there’s Saïx—”

_“Calm down.”_ She puts both hands on my shoulders, but I’m still breathing heavily.  “Forget I said anything.  You don’t have to tell him if you’re not ready.”

“R-really?”  I’ve _got_ to work on controlling that stutter.

“Really.  You just go on this date with him and see what happens.  I’m sure it’ll all work out.”  She smiles, and I breathe a heavy sigh of relief that I have her and my sister to group date with.  It suddenly hits me how clueless I am about all this.

“…Okay.  Thanks, Kairi.”  I smile back just a little, though I’m still worried.  “I should go talk to Saïx now…”

She nods.  “I’ll wait for you.”

I know we need to work things out so he doesn’t get mad at me and Axel over nothing, but it’s still hard to work up the courage to knock on his bedroom door.  It feels like forever before he opens up.

“…What do you want?”  Saïx asks.

“Can I come in?”

He gives me a tiny nod, and I slip through into his tidy bedroom, which reminds me how much I need to clean my own.  The only thing out of place is an open book on his desk, but that’s to be expected.

“What do you want?”  He repeats.

I take a deep breath.  “…I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier.  I could’ve been nicer about it.”

“I forgive you.  Is that all?”

Ugh, Saïx.  Not that I’d expect him to say “My dearest sister Xion, accept my sincerest apologies for my rude actions around you and your crush.  I must stop glaring at everything that offends me,” or something ridiculous like that, but an “I’m sorry too,” would’ve been nice.

“What, am I wasting your time?”  I ask grumpily.  It’s not like I had to apologize to him in the first place.  “I was just going to tell you not to be mad at Axel, not that you have a right to be mad at either of us.  He was just trying to make me feel better.”

“I know,” he mumbles.

“Know what?  That you shouldn’t be mad at us, or that he was trying to make me feel better?”

“…Both,” he admits. “It is possible that I overreacted.  He explained that you are going as friends.”

I wince a little at how much that hurts.  Axel said it was nothing serious, but does that mean it’s not even a real date at all?  There’s always the chance that Kairi was wrong for the first time, and if Axel doesn’t like me the way I like him…  I really, really don’t want to think about it.

At least Saïx sounds a _little_ sorry for being rude.  But now I have to ask him something, just in case.

“…If we weren’t… going just as friends… would you be mad?”  I ask apprehensively, keeping my head low but angling my eyes up at his tense face.  “Not that you deserve to have an opinion about it.  I just want to know,” I add.  I really do love my brother, and I don’t want to hurt him on purpose, but some things are my decision and not his.

“As you said, I have no right to interfere,” he grumbles.  “My opinion is of no consequence.”

“Saïx,” I begin, smiling just a little, “you’re my big brother.  You don’t have to approve, but I’d appreciate it.”

“I don’t approve,” he says bluntly, and I frown.  “But… you’re right.  I can’t stop you.”  He sighs.  “Axel said so as well.”

He did?  So maybe he did stand up for us after all…  The thought brings the smile back to my face.  And Saïx admitted that he’s not in charge, which is the most I can expect from him.  I smile wider and hug him softly.

“Thanks, Saï-Saï,” I say, using the silly nickname I called him when I was a kid.  “Love you.”

“I love you as well, Xi.”  A tiny grin pulls at his lips before he peels my arms off of him.

“…I better make sure Father’s not scaring Axel to death.”

Saïx looks like he’s in pain again, but he nods curtly.

“How’d it go?”  Kairi asks when I walk down the stairs, skipping every other step.

“He understands, at least.  Well, as much as he can.”  Eventually he’ll accept it – I can’t let him rule my life.  “Axel’s not out yet?”

“Nope.  I haven’t heard any screaming, though,” she jokes lightly.

“I hope Father’s not too harsh on him…”

We make eye contact, a silent agreement to check out what’s going on.  Let’s just forget that Aqua told us to stay here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason in my headcanon, Xion stutters when she’s nervous, scared, or excited. Why? I dunno.


	3. Shotgun Lecture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used Radiant Garden for the city name, and it looks kind of similar to the canon world, but they’re not the same. Just to clarify that.
> 
> Axel's POV.

There are a few things Eraqus Knight is known for in our city.  One is that about a decade back he was “one of the most influential community leaders Radiant Garden’s ever known” or some carp like that, which is probably how he can afford his ginormous castle-house.  Second is that he’s retired from that, but he still runs a martial arts school – despite how old he is, he probably knows at least fifty different ways to break every bone in my body.  Third is his legendary lack of a sense of humor.

So he _really_ didn’t appreciate me helping Saïx get revenge on Vanitas when the demon-child scribbled crayons all over my friend’s report back in the eighth grade.  I convinced Saïx that we should melt all his brother’s crayons, and he had a _lot,_ into one huge glob that we dumped in Vanitas’s bed.  We probably wouldn’t have gotten in quite as much trouble if we’d had time to clean up the crayon-drippings all over the living room and stairs before Eraqus saw them.  I swear, my own parents have _never_ punished me as much as Eraqus did that time – on top of being chewed out, glared at, and reported to my mom, I had to help Saïx scrub the floors.  _And_ we had to buy Vanitas a new pack of crayons.  Saïx said the kid got off light for graffiting his report because of our revenge, too.

We learned our lesson and never pulled anything like that at his house again, but I’m still not sure Eraqus has forgiven me for it.  If Saïx hadn’t defended me and taken so much of the blame (way more than he deserved; he’d tried to talk me out of it in the first place) I don’t know if he would’ve allowed me in his house ever again.  (Note to self:  Thank Saïx again.)  It also helps some that Kairi and Aqua are best friends.

I hope with a decent amount of politeness and luck I can still make this work.  That incident was years ago, and Eraqus has never said anything since then to blatantly show that he hates me.  I could just be overthinking this, which isn’t normally something I do.  Then again, I normally don’t have so much to lose.

I’d hate to ruin Xion’s first chance of going on a date…  And I’d hate to never have a chance with her…

XXX

“Did Terra have to do this, too?”  I ask to break the crushing silence that feels heavy as an anvil.  Maybe an anvil and a half.  I dunno, how heavy are anvils, anyway?

Aqua nods.  “He and Father have always gotten along well, though.”

“Seriously?”  I stare at her as we walk down the long, long hallway.  “We’re thinking of the same Terra, right?”  It’s too weird to picture Terra, who’s a bit of a joker himself and always teasing or trying to impress Aqua, getting along with strict Eraqus.

 She laughs at that.  “Terra’s one of Father’s oldest pupils.”

  1.   I knew Terra’s in martial arts, but I didn’t know for how long.  I guess that’s not too surprising; I mean, just look at the guy.  He’s like a boulder.  Maybe I should’ve taken karate as a kid or something; sure would be helpful now…



Eventually we reach the door to the dojo.  I can hear karate movie-worthy “Hiyah!”s and the snapping of boards coming from the other side.

“You’re going to tell me this is a task I must face alone, aren’t you?”  I ask, anxious to get this over with but stalling anyway.

She smiles tightly.  “Good, you saved me the trouble of telling you.  But you’re not facing anything here; you don’t know all the rules of the dojo, so Father will take you to his office.”

“Oh.”  That’s a little relieving – less chance of me messing up, less chance of being snapped in two if I do.

Aqua’s about to knock, but then she drops her hand from the door and faces me, looking more serious now.  “Don’t let Father scare you, and be completely honest, no matter what he asks.  He’ll know if you’re not.”

As if I wasn’t nervous enough.  “…Thanks.  I’ll get that memorized.”

Now she smiles more sincerely.  “You’ll be fine, Axel.  I know you won’t let Xion down.”

She knocks – no more time to psych myself up.  All the noise inside the dojo suddenly drops dead.  For a few seconds I wonder if the people inside have too, but then the door opens.

Eraqus steps out, posture even stiffer than Saïx’s, and Vanitas follows behind him, surprisingly calmly, only to stick his tongue out at me and dash away once he reaches the hallway.  Eraqus sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose in the same way Saïx does.  Somehow that’s comforting.

“Thank you, Aqua,” he says, apparently letting Vanitas’s rudeness slide for now.  “I will take him from here.”

“Yes, Father,” she replies.

Eraqus fixes intimidating grey eyes on me, and it takes a lot of effort to hold his gaze without flinching.

“Axel Hearth.  Follow me,” he finally says.  Now we leave Aqua behind, and I’m alone with him the whole way to his office.  If the silence before was crushing, this is like being flattened with a steamroller.  At least it’s a shorter walk this time.

I haven’t been in that many offices, but I’m pretty sure Eraqus’s counts as “ginormously freaking big” in comparison.  A detailed rug (are those more key designs on it?) covers most of the floor, and there’s even a fancy stained glass window on one wall.

He sits behind his desk in a stiff-looking chair – if I had enough money for an office like this, I’d have something a lot more comfortable.  Just sayin’.

I stand awkwardly until he tells me to pull a hard plastic rolly chair from the back corner of the room and sit on the other side of his desk.  I get the feeling that all of Aqua’s dates have been in this position before.  The song “Poor Unfortunate Souls” comes to mind.

“I understand you intend to date my daughter.”  The way he says it sounds like a police interrogation.

“Yes…  Sir,” I reply uncertainly.  He’s seriously freaking me out, watchingme like that, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he reached out and snapped my arm at any moment.  I’m thankful for the large wooden desk between us.

His eyes narrow.  “You lack conviction.  Do you want to court Xion, or are you wasting my time and hers?”

“No!”  I blurt suddenly, and the echo’s loud enough to make me wince.  My heartbeat feels even louder.  “I’m not wasting anyone’s time.  I want to go out with her.”

He nods like I’ve passed a test.  “Do you believe you are trustworthy and responsible enough to date her?”

Sheesh, you’d think I asked to marry her!  Is Eraqus like this with everyone?  “I’m not going to hurt her, if that’s what you’re asking.”  I barely stop myself from rolling my eyes.  Does _everyone_ think I’m some friend-abusing jerk?

“That’s not what I’m asking,” he says sternly.  “I asked if you were trustworthy and responsible.”

“’Course I...” _am, “trustworthy and responsible”’s my middle name._ The lie is about to slide easily out of my mouth, but I feel his grey eyes boring into me even harder.  Aqua was right about sticking to the truth.  Something in my stomach drops.

_Am_ I good enough for Xion?  I don’t have the best track record…  But I do care for her.  Forget the stupid track record, I’m starting over now.

“In the past, not so much.  But I am now,” I answer honestly, even if by “now” I mean “as of this second.”

Another nod, more thoughtful this time.  I scratch the back of my leg with my foot, feeling like I’m under x-ray vision.

“If I allow this, it will be her first date,” he says like I don’t already know.  “You must show her how a good date should behave.  Are you up to the task?”

This feels like complete overkill, but I nod and say “Yes, sir,” anyway.  Showing her the ropes is one thing I know I can handle.

“Will you respect and protect her honor and virtue?”

That’s something you don’t hear every day – honor and virtue.  It sounds old-fashioned, but… well, if any girl I know has honor and virtue to protect, I’d say Xion does. 

This whole thing is so different than the shotgun lectures I’ve gotten in the past – most of my girlfriends’ dads just said something like, “try any funny business with my daughter and I’ll shoot you.”  This is more like an interview to make sure I’m worthy.  As ridiculous as it sounds, I’m kind of glad Eraqus cares enough to do this.  Xion deserves it.

“Yes, sir.  I’d be…  I’d be honored.”  I’m glad I can say that truthfully.  Not just because her father would kill me if I didn’t, but because I want her to stay simple and clean, the way she is now.

If I’m not hallucinating, his gaze softens just a little.  “Thank you for your honesty, Axel.  I will hold you to this commitment.”

I sit up straighter, which is kind of painful since I was sitting so straight already.  “Wait, I can go?  You’re not still mad at me?”  The question comes out in relief before I realize I’ve asked it.

His face looks much less intimidating with a smile.  “I recall the incident you are thinking of, but after three years, I can forgive one mistake.  Think of this as a chance to prove you have matured since then.”

Did somebody turn down his glare-o-meter when I wasn’t looking?  Well, I’ll take it.  “…So that’s a yes?”  I ask hopefully.

“Yes, Axel.  I sense you have much light in your heart.”

“Whaaat?”  If I could get any more mind-blown, I just did.  “I mean, thank you, sir.”  I grin like a lunatic, then bite my tongue to make sure I don’t say anything else stupid.

He stands, motioning for me to put away my chair, and then shakes my hand firmly.

“Treat her well,” he says before opening the door and leading me back through the hallway.

This is perfect – I feel like doing a victory dance or something.  Xion’s not off-limits anymore.  I don’t have to feel guilty for wanting her was more than a friend, don’t have to sneak glances at her.  She could be mine.

If she wants me too, that is.  Which seems a little less likely after realizing how much purer she is than me…  But I’m starting over.  Xion isn’t like Larxene or my other exes.  I don’t want her just because she’s pretty or because I want to make out with her – She’s different, so I’m going to be different, too.

I sneak a fist-pump behind Eraqus’s back, still with that maniac grin plastered on my face.


	4. Nervous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Xion's POV.

Aqua puts her hands on her hips when she sees Kairi and me walking up to the dojo.

“Ooh snap,” Kairi whispers.

“Did you think I forgot your reputation for spying?”  That along with her knowing smile tells me I’m busted.

I smile back.  “It’s not spying, it’s, uh, reconnaissance,” I try.

“Right.”  She snorts, shaking her head.  “Father and Axel aren’t in there, anyway.”

“What?  But you said –”

“I said Father was in the dojo, not that he would speak with Axel in the dojo.”

I feel like facepalming.  I should know better than to try and get anything past Aqua; she’s way too smart.  Which can be nice, like when I need help with homework or other life-related issues, but otherwise it’s really annoying.

“Why did you want to eavesdrop, anyway?”  Aqua asks.  “You can’t influence Father’s decision.  Only Axel can.”

“I know…”  I sigh.  It would still be reassuring to get a glimpse of how things were going…

“She just couldn’t bear not to see him a moment longer,” Kairi says in her best drama-class voice, winking at me.

“Kairi!”  I shove her (more lightly than I do with Roxas and Axel), face burning up.  Now Aqua and Kairi are giggling (well, Kairi giggles, I’m not sure if Aqua’s even capable of giggling, but she laughs), and I think my cheeks might actually burst into flames.  “Aquaaaa…”

“Sorry, little sister.”  She ruffles my hair.

“Couldn’t resist.”  Kairi grins.

“Well, maybe sometime I’ll stop resisting teasing you about Sora.”

Her jaw drops.  “Xion, you wouldn’t!”

I smile.  “Of course I wouldn’t.  _I’m_ a decent friend.”

“Fine, Xi.”  She sighs and rolls her eyes like I’m the one who’s being insufferable (one of Saïx’s favorite words).  “I was just joking.  You could lighten up a _little.”_

“Lighten up about what?”

I spin around, face still on fire, and take in Axel’s stunning grin, the kind that lights up his whole face and mine too.

“Nothing,” I say too quickly.  “So, uh, you look happy.”

I’m too focused on his shining eyes, brighter than I’ve seen them in months, to actually hear his reply.

“Earth to Xion, come in, Xi.”  Kairi giggles, and I snap out of it.

“Sorry, I’m just a little distracted…”  Embarrassing myself already.  _Wonderful._

“By my dashing good looks, I know,” Axel jokes.  His teasing cockiness is part of what I like about him, but  does he have to say things like that when I’m already flustered and Kairi and Aqua are laughing right there?  Even if it is true…  “I got the all-clear.  Your dad said we can go.”

“Really!?”  Yes yes yes yes _yes,_ after _so long…_   I am seriously going to start leaking rainbows or something; I must look ridiculous.  At least Axel doesn’t look put off by my excitement any more than he was by my distracted-ness.

I finally notice Father standing a little off to the side, looking amused.  He usually only has that when Van and I are being silly, or when Saïx submits to watching _Power Rangers_ with Van to make him be quiet, or other rare moments of cuteness in our family.  “Yes, Xion.  Really.  You are my youngest daughter, but I must allow you the rights that come with age.  I trust you with Axel tomorrow night.”

“Thank you, Father!”  I hug him, barely holding back an elated laugh.

“You are welcome.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I must speak with Vanitas about his manners…”

Axel and I high-five once Father’s gone, and for some reason Kairi and Aqua do too.  I didn’t think they’d be _that_ happy for us…

“I still can’t believe I survived,” Axel says, leaning on the wall, and I can’t tell if he’s joking or not.

“Did you think he’d use you as a karate plank or something?”  I ask.  Was Father really that intimidating when they talked?  “He’s really nice when you get used to him.”

“I’m sure he is, but his eyes gave me the chills at first…”

Kairi and Aqua explain the details of tomorrow’s date (tomorrow!  So soon!) while we walk back to the living room.  After that we play Command Board until we’re all tired of Aqua beating us, and then we sit around talking about our Christmas vacation plans.

“It’ll be a staycation this year,” Axel says, tucking his arms behind his head while he lounges on the couch.  How does he always look cool somehow when he’s just sitting?  Maybe that’s just my crush talking again…  “Last year’s trip sucked all our vacation munny.” 

“Yeah, Mom and Dad just _had_ to take us to Twilight Town,” Kairi says, sounding bummed.  “It’s only two hours away; I don’t know how it cost anything.”

“Hey, you had fun with Olette and her friends, right?  Besides, the sunsets were amazing, and they had the best sea-salt ice cream ever.  I’d drive there myself just to buy some if Mom let me.”

I laugh at that.  He and Roxas are so obsessed with their ice cream…  Well, I’ll admit I am too.  They got me addicted.

“We’re staying in town, too,” Aqua says.  As usual.

“The last time we went on a family vacation was when Mom was alive,” I say quietly, making Aqua wince.  I was only six when it happened, but she was eight.  Not a huge difference, but enough to hurt her more.  Not that it didn’t hurt me.  It still hurts.

Aqua swallows.  “…Yeah.  We went to Destiny Islands.  The beach.  It was fun.”

I nod, wishing I remembered more about it, but I can’t ask Aqua.  I can tell it hurt her a lot just to say that much.

Axel places a warm hand on my shoulder.  “You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lie.  Thankfully he knows me well enough to leave his hand there.  Again my heart jumps at the thought of our date tomorrow, pushing away melancholy thoughts.

Eventually Saïx comes downstairs to find us cooking dinner.  Well, Axel and Aqua are doing most of the cooking since they’re the best, and I help as much as I can.  Axel makes Kairi work on the dishes since we all know she doesn’t have the greatest experience with cooking, even though he’s tried to teach her.

“Where were you, man?”  Axel asks, chopping up zucchini.  “Not that I don’t enjoy hanging with a bunch of pretty girls…”

I blush and catch Aqua rolling her eyes.  Saïx gives him an infamous glare.

“I had business to attend to,” he says.  Which could mean anything.  “I spoke with Father.  He said you obtained permission.”

“Yep, we’re going!”  I practically cheer in excitement, turning the heat down on the stove.

He doesn’t show any sign that he heard me; he just silently relieves Kairi of dishwashing duty.

“…Saï?”  Axel sets the knife down and approaches him.  “C’mon, you’re not still mad, are you?  We went over this.”

“No,” he replies quietly, scrubbing a plate with more force than necessary.  “You’ll enjoy your… date,” he makes a face like the word tastes bitter, “tomorrow.  I wish the best for both of you.”

I smile brightly, feeling relief like that time I found out an Algebra II test was postponed.  “You really mean it, Saïx?”

“…Yes.”  He still looks unhappy about it, but there’s a small smile-like grimace on his face.

Axel smacks him on the back in that way that’s somehow always friendly.  Guys have the weirdest expressions of friendship.  “Great, then you can stop scrubbing that plate like it insulted you.”  He grins one of his heart-stopping grins and goes back to chopping vegetables.

By the time we’re done cooking, Father and Vanitas join us in the dining room to eat.  The food smells delicious, of course – Aqua’s the best cook in our family, and Axel could be a chef if he wanted to.  Maybe his obsession with fire led to that, I don’t know, but I’d love his cooking even if I didn’t have a crush on him.

“Thank you for the meal, children,” Father says, placing his napkin in his lap.  Saïx, Aqua, and I do the same, and Kairi quickly picks up on it as well, but I have to stifle a giggle at how long it takes Axel to remember the code of etiquette that Father insists on.  Nobody expects Vanitas to use his manners, of course, so Father has to place his napkin for him.  I’m just glad my little brother doesn’t tie his napkin around his neck and wear it like a cape.

“You’re welcome, Father,” Aqua says.  Everyone appreciates the days when Father is too busy to fix dinner because… well, let’s just say Mom was the one with the culinary skills.  Thank goodness she taught Aqua her tricks before… she was too sick to…

Saïx says the blessing over the food, and then we dig in with all the manners of semi-domesticated hyenas.  Or, in Vanitas’s case, a regular hyena.  Axel and Aqua’s cooking will do that to you.  I try not to laugh while even Father seems to eat more quickly than usual, and everyone goes back for seconds. 

When we’ve had enough food to talk instead of constantly stuffing our faces, Father and Axel get into a discussion about the “shameful inaccuracies of films involving the martial arts” (which is mostly Father talking while Axel looks like his whole life has been a lie, but still, it’s progress), and Saïx doesn’t look quite as grumpy as usual.  Vanitas plays with his food, making an awkward shape that he insists is a sword out of his rice.  Kairi and Aqua chat with me about the usual stuff, schoolwork, chick flicks Kairi wants to see, our date tomorrow, Aqua’s work, our date tomorrow…  It still feels too good to be true, but I can’t stop myself from getting my hopes up.

Dinner officially ends when Vanitas belches loudly.  “I’m full.”

“Vani!”  I cover my nose with both hands.  “Gross!”

“No one wants to hear – or smell – the gaseous byproduct of your digestive system.”  Saïx wrinkles his nose in disgust.

“Remind me never to feed that kid soda or beans,” Axel says, gagging.  It’s one thing for Vanitas to be gross at normal family meals, but can’t he give me a break when my friends are here?

Van grins evilly.  “Just making sure your noses work.  No need to thank me.”

Someday I am going to strangle my brother.  But not today, because then I would be grounded, set on bathroom-cleaning duty for months, and Father would veto my date with Axel.  At least Father reprimands Vanitas after dinner’s over and sets him on cleaning the kitchen.

Since Saïx has decided to associate with us again and for some reason isn’t trying to exclude me, the five of us brew some hot chocolate and sit around the fireplace, talking about whatever comes to mind.

“So why don’t you have any decorations up yet?”  Axel asks, holding his mug close to the fire to keep it warm.  “No tree, no lights…  How do you get in the Christmas spirit?”

“You can blame Saïx for that.”  I laugh.  “It’s his year to find the tree.  It has to go up first.”  That’s the rule, and it always has been:  the Christmas tree has to be the first decoration put up.

Next year it’ll be my turn – we go into the forest behind our house and look for the most Christmasy evergreen, and then Father cuts it down and we haul it home together.

“It couldn’t be helped,” he mutters.  “I haven’t had time to tramp through the woods with so many exams to study for.”

“C’mon, you could take _one_ day off for a Christmas tradition,” Axel says.  I wish Saïx wasn’t so focused on schoolwork, too.  I understand since he’s taking the hardest classes he can in the eleventh grade, but still, it’s even gotten in the way of family nights.

Kairi sighs.  “At our house, we just drag our fake tree out of the garage closet.  It already has the lights on it, if they haven’t gone dead over the year, so all we do is put on the star and ornaments.  I wish we could do something cool like your family.”

I look between her and Axel, who’s sipping on his hot chocolate and staring into the fire, his smile slightly dimmer than usual.

“But that’s your tradition,” Aqua says to cheer Kairi up.  “It doesn’t matter how fancy or unique it is, as long as you do it with the people you love.”

Aqua says the sappiest things sometimes, but she’s so sincere about it that nobody tells her that. Well, except Terra sometimes, but of course she puts up him.

“I don’t know…”  Kairi cracks a grin, twisting from her spot leaning on the raised fireplace to look up at Axel, who’s sitting almost behind her on the ledge.  “She said I should do my Christmas traditions with people I love.  Sorry, Axel, looks like it’s the end of the road for us…”

“Hey!”  Axel grins, splashing Kairi’s skirt with a few hot chocolate drops.  “Maybe I’ll find some people who appreciate my amazingness, then.”  He startles Saïx by putting an arm around his shoulder, and I burn up when he holds me around the waist with his other arm.  I’m not sure if I should try to pull away before I melt into a puddle of rainbows, or if I should just let myself melt and worry about mopping up later.  The stone fireplace could use some color, anyway.

Well, it turns out what I _have_ been doing while deciding what to do is sitting completely frozen.

“…Alright there, Xion?  Xi?”  Axel asks, worry in his eyes.  No, that can’t be right – Axel never worries.  I must be imagining things.

He starts to let go, retreating from me.

“I- I just- spaced out again.”  I stare down at my lap, pushing a strand of hair out of my eyes.  “Sorry.”

“You’re been spending a lot of time in La-La land, Xi.”  His warm arm returns to hug me close again.  I wish he would do this more often.  “Daydreaming about tomorrow?”

“Um… kind of.”  I’m so awful at this; Axel must think I’m so immature and new to this that I can’t hold a conversation if we’re too close together.  …Which is true.  That’s the awful part.

Surprisingly, it’s Saïx who saves me from further awkwardness.  He snorts and stands up, letting Axel’s arm slide off and spill hot chocolate on Kairi again.

“Axel!”  She pouts at him, and he grins sheepishly.

“I believe it’s time to rest for tonight,” Saïx says curtly.  Probably because he can’t stand to see me and Axel together any longer.  I’m almost thankful; at least now I don’t have to risk embarrassing myself any more than I already have.  It was so much easier before today, still difficult, but now I’m even more of a hyperemotional time-bomb than usual.  I mean, I’ve known him my _whole life,_ and today I can’t pull myself together enough to stop dropping out of reality around him.  I sure hope I can do better tomorrow, or I’ll make a complete idiot of myself.

“Yeah, big Chem test tomorrow and all that.”  Axel stands up, leaving me both disappointed and relieved at the loss of his touch.  But mostly disappointed.  “At least there’s stuff to look forward to after school, right, Xi?”  He grins, and I grin back without thinking.  I’m so glad I have him as a best friend – he isn’t put off by my weird space-outs.  Or he’s at least kind enough not to show it if he is.

“Oh, and Saïx, do your family a favor and get a tree tomorrow!”  Axel says as he and Kairi put their shoes and coats on at the door.

“…I can’t,” Saïx replies quietly.  “I have other things planned.”

“No you don’t.”  Aqua crosses her arms.  “You said yesterday that Friday would be your first free day since the beginning of the month.”

Saïx is silent.

“Saïx…?”  My head tilts sideways.  What’s up with him?

“Something came up.  Today,” he says, like that explains anything.

“Well, what is it?”  Axel asks.

“…It’s something Father needs my assistance with.  I’m not allowed to say more.”

“Must be Christmas stuff,” I say to myself.  Why would Father need Saïx’s help, though?  Vanitas usually give him all the info on who wants what presents.  My annoying brother’s sneaky habits can be useful for something.

Axel shrugs.  “Classified, eh?  Much as I’d like to know, we’d better get going.”

“See you tomorrow!”  Kairi hugs me and Aqua goodbye.  Then Axel salutes Saïx, half-hugs Aqua lightly, which I might be a little worried about except for the fact that he wraps his arms tight around me afterwards.

“Don’t be nervous,” he whispers so close to my ear that I get goosebumps.  In my ear.  I didn’t even know that was possible _._

Then Saïx coughs loudly, Axel lets go of me, and he and Kairi call cheery goodbyes as they walk out the door into the cold.  I focus enough to smile and wave back.

“Don’t be nervous…”  I mutter to myself once they’re gone.  “Easier said than done.”


	5. Sacrifices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place the next day, except for the first little bit that happened while Axel, Xion, Kairi, and Aqua were hanging out in the last chapter.
> 
> Saix's POV.

_“Saïx, you cannot help her if you cannot understand her.  Perhaps you should consider leading by example, as Aqua does.”_

_“Are you suggesting I go on a date as well?”_

_“I simply do not want you to miss out on opportunities in your youth.  If you are truly disinterested you should not participate, but you cannot guide Xion down a path you have not traveled.”_

_“…And if I were to take that path with her?”_

_“I would trust you to watch out for your sister.  You have admirable focus, and while Aqua does as well, I would also appreciate your perspective in this situation.”_

_“You… would like me to accompany them tomorrow?”_

_“I am giving you the_ opportunity _to accompany them tomorrow.”_

_“I suppose…There is one girl I could ask…”_

XXX

Circumstances have improved in the three years since I made the mistake of reading that page of Xion’s diary.  Axel has matured (somewhat) and has stopped asking out every girl he meets since Larxene dumped him, and Xion is (also somewhat) more mature and of proper dating age.  She was right; I can’t stop them.  It is not my place to make her decisions, but this still feels as if that old nightmare has become reality.

At least Father has permitted me to go with them tomorrow.  He most likely intended us to go as a group, but Aqua only has so much room in her minivan, and it will be in my best interests to follow along unnoticed.

After all, Axel would know for sure I was only there to keep an eye on them if he saw me with Jasmine Sultana.

XXX

The next morning in the school courtyard, I slip away from Roxas, Xion, and Axel.  It insn’t very difficult since they are in a heated discussion about what they want for Christmas (mostly video games in Roxas’s and Axel’s case, and Xion is still indecisive) and why I need to “get off my workaholic butt and pick out a Christmas tree already.”  Axel only pauses for a moment to ask where I’m going, and I mutter an excuse about borrowing a book from Aqua.  I walk away before he can grow suspicious.

The courtyard is fairly large, but every group has its own territory marked by months of standing in the same area each morning, so locating Jasmine is simple.  She is sitting on the same picnic table as always, with her friends Belle and Megara on either side of her.  Normally Mulan would also be with them; she must have begun her Christmas vacation early.  …When did I notice such trivial details?

“Hey!  Who do you think you are, walking up to _my_ girl like that?”  Gaston calls from behind me.  Keep walking, he could easily be talking to some other unfortunate soul…  Unfortunately, he grabs my shoulder and forces me to face him.

“Did you hear me?  Nobody walks up to girls like Gaston!”  He yells in my face (I can smell the four dozen eggs he ate for breakfast on his breath) as his diminutive sidekick, Le Fou (fitting, as it means “the fool” in French), backs him up.

“Darn right!  You tell him, Gaston!”  I’m fairly certain he only backs that antagonist so he won’t be targeted for his small stature.

“Nobody talks in the third person like Gaston, either,” I state calmly.  While he’s busy working up a sneer, I easily escape his grip.  Father’s martial arts lessons have been useful in many instances like this.  Not that I would use any of my offensive techniques on school property, but I can diffuse most unpleasant situations.

“Are you picking a fight, Scarface?”  He stabs a finger into my chest, not even making me flinch.  I back up a step, holding up my hands in the way one would pacify an animal.

“Of course not.  I intended that as a compliment,” I lie smoothly, seeing the students curiously gathering around us in my peripheral vision.  “And I was not approaching Belle, not that you own her or could prevent me from seeing her if I so desired.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a different girl to speak with.”

He shouts something as I walk away, probably something insulting, but I’ve already slipped through the crowd and am only a few feet away from Jasmine’s table.  Now I have the problem of that crowd gossiping about me being with her – if rumors that I’ve asked Jasmine on a date found their way to Axel’s ears, things would quickly become complicated.

“Maybe that’s why guys rarely talk to us,” Belle says to Jasmine and Megara.  “Sorry, girls.”

Megara snorts.  “It’s not your fault Gaston’s a possessive stalker.  Herc could knock that oaf’s lights out any day of the week, anyway.”

I clear my throat once I enter into hearing range of their conversation. 

“Hello, Saïx,” Jasmine says with a little wave.  Thankfully the cold weather means she’s bundled up in a thick coat, instead of more revealing or distracting attire.  “What’s important enough to bring you here when Gaston’s playing Lord of the Courtyard?”

“Change of scenery.  The concrete’s always grayer on the other side,” I say dryly, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.  “I need to speak with you.”  _Obviously._ “In private,” I add.

Unsurprisingly, her friends immediately begin to laugh and whisper to each other, but Jasmine only smiles in a smug manner.

“Hmm, I don’t know…”  She sing-songs, though I can tell she’s already made up her mind.  “Is there something you want to say that Belle and Meg can’t hear?”

Normally I’d exchange banter with her, but I don’t have time for it today.  “Yes.”

“Go on, Jasmine,” Belle says.  In a whisper she continues, “Maybe he has a certain _something_ to ask you.”

Megara scrutinizes me, looking highly skeptical.  I cross my arms. Is all this nonsense worth it to watch over Xion and Axel?

…Yes, it is.  I trust Axel to teach her well, but she is still my sister, and…  I simply want to be there in case anything goes wrong.  Or in case anything goes right.

Jasmine finally smiles and gracefully steps down from the table.  “I’d be happy to speak with someone who fought his way past Gaston just to come see me,” she says teasingly.

“I did not _fight_ with anyone.  He was hardly an annoyance, anyway,” I say.  Still, I’m thankful Axel’s been formulating a plan to prank him, which will no doubt get us both in trouble.  Under the circumstances, however, I may still enjoy it.

“Such modesty, Saïx.”  She laughs, enjoying making me feel awkward as usual.

I lead Jasmine to a deserted corner of the courtyard that would normally be brimming with students, but luckily many more than Mulan have begun their Christmas vacations early.

“You’re being awfully cryptic today,” she comments.  “Not that that’s unusual for you.”

“I suppose it isn’t,” I mutter mostly to myself. 

She puts her hands on her hips, though she’s still smiling a little.  “And the reason is…?”

I clear my throat.   Just ask her the question, there’s no reason this should be difficult.  Axel always made it look so simple.  Maybe I should’ve listened to his advice when he tried to make me interact with her before… 

“Would you like to go ice skating with me tonight?”  I ask, trying to maintain eye contact.  Normally my eyes are the ones that make others shy away, but her brown gaze is so strong it’s difficult even for me to hold.  Jasmine is quite an interesting girl.

For a moment her feminine features flicker to faint surprise, and then her smile widens.  “Is that a date, Saïx?”

Axel would torment me for eternity if he saw how pink my face must be now.  “If you would like it to be.  But I am not asking to be your boyfriend.”  Better to make that clear now than later.

“I wouldn’t expect you to.”  She looks highly amused, but she puts on an expression of wariness to mask it.  “Any reason for the sudden change of tune?  You wouldn’t even be my partner in Trig yesterday.”

Axel told me I would regret brushing her off so many times.  He’s insufferable when he’s right.

I sigh.  “Forgive my rudeness, Jasmine.  You were rather… distracting.  I work best on my own; I was not trying to offend you.”

Which is honestly true.  I never meant to hurt her feelings, and she is intelligent enough to be a good partner, but I can’t handle constant interaction with her and still complete my assignments.  Even when we’re not doing group work, it is quite difficult to focus on Trigonometry with a beautiful young woman in the desk next to me…  Not that I like her in that way, but even I will admit her appearance is attractive.  I suppose there are worse options for dates.

Jasmine covers her mouth with her fingertips and giggles slightly.  “You, the one person I know with a Focus of Steel, can get distracted?”

“I…”  No answer.  None that would save a bit of my reputation, anyway.

“You sure hide a lot behind those pretty tiger eyes of yours,” she says.

“…What?”  I take a step back.  This conversation is quickly moving even farther away from my comfort zone, and she still hasn’t given an answer.

“You don’t have to be so shy, Saïx.”  Where did she get that idea?

“I am not shy,” I deadpan, pulling together my composure.  “You never answered my question.”

In response, she leans forward into my personal space and kisses my cheek.

I blink.  Then, not knowing what to say, I blink again.  _…What?_ Is this normal?

“The bell’s about to ring.  Give me the details in first period, okay?”  She smiles at me one last time before walking back to her friends in a dignified manner.

I turn away and hastily wipe off a sticky trace of lip gloss.  I’ve always thought kissing to be such an odd expression of affection, and yet that wasn’t entirely unpleasant…

XXX

“Hey, Saï!”  Axel yells from across the cafeteria, waving like he’s trying to flag down an airplane.  We sit at the same table ever day; he has no need to draw my attention…

I sit down and unpack my lunch.  Even though he goes through the lunch line, he still gets to the table before I can make it here from the choir room, especially since on this particular day Jasmine insisted on walking with me to my locker after class.  I don’t mind her company that much outside the classroom, but there is still the issue of rumors spreading.

“Did you pass your Chemistry exam?”  I ask.

He takes a smug bite of greasy pizza.  “Heh, I bet I’m the only one in my class who did.”

Now it’s my turn to look smug.  “And who do you have to thank for that?”

“My best friend who cares enough to look out for my future.  I probably don’t thank you enough for that,” he says seriously.

I smile a little.  “You don’t, but you’re welcome.” 

He laughs suddenly while I unwrap a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich.  “Hey, you’ll never guess what I heard today.”

I freeze, just for a moment.  “And what would that be?”

“It’s stupid, but I overheard Meg saying you actually asked out Jasmine Sultana.”  He laughs harder than the time he caught me watching Power Rangers with Vanitas, and I make an annoyed grunting sound.  Thankfully he doesn’t believe it, but still…

“Rumors.”  I shake my head in feigned disgust.

“That’s all it is, right?”  He looks me straight in the eye, and I see a tiny speck of doubt there.  I’ve never been able to keep secrets from Axel.

I snort.  “Sure, because there’s a void in my life I feel the need to fill with pointless drama,” I say sarcastically.  “Ridiculous.”  Hopefully I sound convincing…

“Girls aren’t all bad, man!”  He flicks a pepperoni towards me from across the table, which I push away with a napkin.

“Says the one who’s only kept one girlfriend for longer than a week, and that one had severe anger issues.”  I roll my eyes, glad that I’ve managed to deflect the conversation.

He looks away.  “Not this time.”  His voice… is that devotion I hear in it?  “You still trust me, right?  Saïx?”

Guilt squirms in my chest.  “How could I not trust my best friend?”

“Yeah…  I trust you too, Saïx.  Get that memorized.”  He taps his temple, leaving a smear of pizza sauce.

“You might want this.”  I pass him a napkin, and he laughs.

But I still can’t shake that feeling…  How could I not trust him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, first kiss in a story that’s supposed to be mainly AkuShi, and it’s SaiJaz. Go figure. The “tiger eyes” comment is a reference to Raberba girl’s fic, “Eyes Like a Tiger’s”.


	6. Siblings: Pros and Cons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Xion's POV.

Aqua’s the best.  Even though we’re just going ice skating, she’s helped me get ready like a fairy godmother would work her magic on a princess before the ball.  Well, minus the dresses and literal magic, but that’s what it feels like.

She’s already helped me decide what to wear, a lavender button-up shirt and dark jeans, and now she’s fixing my hair.  It’s so short there’s not much I can do with it, but she braids my bangs and keeps them back with a bobby pin, something I never would’ve thought of.

“You’re amazing, Aqua,” I say, staring at myself in the mirror while she organizes her makeup on the counter.  “I didn’t think you knew this much about…”  _Girly stuff_ is what I want to say, but considering how much Terra teases her…

Aqua smiles, understanding anyway.  “I can be a girl sometimes.”

“Just sometimes?”  I tease.  She gives me an annoyed look, but I can tell it’s fake.

“Hold still, I’m going to give you a little makeup.”

I close my eyes.  Normally I don’t wear makeup…  It’s not that I don’t want to, I just never asked Aqua for help with it.  I wonder if that was a mistake.

The powder feels weird on my face, and I want to swat Aqua’s hands away out of reflex, but I force myself to stand still.  Maybe under other circumstances, but today is different.

“All done,” Aqua declares after a few minutes of applying different products to my face.  I open my eyes and gasp at my reflection.

I still look like me, but… _different._ Just a little older, and my eyes look a little brighter.  Or maybe that’s just because I’m happy.

“…Wow.”  I hope Axel likes it.

Aqua smiles proudly.  “Never underestimate your big sister.”

“I won’t,” I promise.  For some reason it feels like I’m taking an oath to be inducted into Girlhood.  That wounds weird; “Womanhood” sounds better… but I don’t feel like a woman yet.  Maybe if I grow a few inches.  “Where did you learn how to do all this?”

“Aerith,” she replies, now brushing her own hair.  Of course; Aerith is Aqua’s best girl-friend, which is kind of funny since Aerith is Zack’s girlfriend.  Aqua and Zack stopped dating on good terms, though.  I don’t know how she handles all her relationships – friends, family, and boys – so gracefully.

“I’m really glad you’re my sister, Aqua.”  I smile at her through the mirror, and she smiles back, almost ruffling my hair.  Instead she laughs and gives me a hug.

“So am I, Xi.”  She grins playfully.  “And I’m sure Axel will be glad you’re his date tonight.”

“Aqua!”  I blush.  “I told you not to tease me about that!”

She goes back to brushing her hair, but the grin stays.  “I wasn’t teasing.  That was a compliment.”

I shuffle my feet in embarrassment – Aqua dressed me in heeled boots even though we’ll have to change into ice skates.  I don’t mind; they make me feel taller, and I always want to be a little taller around Axel.

“Well, Terra will be glad you’re his date, too.”

Aqua smiles.  “He’d better be.  It’s taken him long enough to ask me out.”

“How _did_ he ask you out, anyway?”  I ask out of curiosity.

She rolls her eyes, but she looks more amused than annoyed.  “He teased me about being a girl, then started acting nervous, and finally he asked if I wanted to go on a date with him.”

It’s hard to picture Terra being nervous, but he always acts different around Aqua.  He tries to show off more, but he also acts more like a gentleman… kind of like Axel is around me.  But for all I know he acts like that all the time.  Plus I’ve never seen Axel look nervous, except when he told me how Larxene dumped him, and that was a special circumstance.

“How long have you liked him like that?”  I ask while Aqua puts the finishing touches on her makeup.

“Hmm… since a few years ago?  I didn’t entirely realize it until I dated Zack.”

“Oh.”  I sigh a little on the inside.  Maybe it’s not realistic to think Axel’s the only one for me when I’ve never gone on a date with him or anyone else before…  but I still can’t bring myself to doubt my feelings.  “How do you feel about him?  Terra, I mean.”

She smiles, closing a fist and holding it to her heart in that unconscious habit she has.  “He might not look like it, but he’s soft on the inside.  He doesn’t really understand girls, and he can be a dork.”  Her smile twitches.  “But his heart is in the right place.  I wouldn’t want him any other way.”

“So you love him?”

Her face goes a little pink, and not just from the powdered blush she’d applied.  “I think you’re heard enough about me and Terra.  What about you and Axel?”

“Wh-what about us?”  I stammer.  Looking in the mirror, I notice that at least I’ve managed to keep down my blush this time.  I’ll have to practice that skill a lot tonight.

She shrugs.  “Did he act any different around you today?”

“Well…”  I sigh, my head drooping.  “No.  I mean, we’re just going on this one date, and he said it’s nothing serious, he’s not my boyfriend so it’s not like he’s supposed to or anything…”

“Xion, don’t worry.”   Aqua kneels down to my eyelevel, smiling encouragingly.  “He’s probably just as nervous as you are, and Father doesn’t want you steady dating so soon, anyway.  It’s better that he doesn’t act like your boyfriend.”

Aqua’s so annoying when she’s right.  Which is pretty much all of the time.  Still, I can’t imagine dating anyone but Axel.  I’ve never even had a crush on anyone else.

“Wait, what do you mean he’s as nervous as me?” I ask to change the subject.

“Boys pretend they’re not nervous to protect their dignity.”  She half-grins.  “Or their “manly pride” as Terra says.”

“I don’t know.  Axel told me not to be nervous.”  I frown, confused.

Aqua doesn’t have time to answer, because Vanitas barges into the bathroom, slamming the door into the wall.

“Why are you so pretty?”  He demands, putting his hands on his hips.  I have to bite my lip to keep myself from laughing.

“We’re going on a date, Van,” Aqua explains calmly.  I’d expected something like this – Vani’s always possessive of Aqua before she goes on dates, and that extends to me too now.

“Why don’t you ever take _me_ on a date?”

At ten years old, most kids at least understand the concept of dating.  Vani still hasn’t quite gotten it, maybe because Saïx always protects him form my and Aqua’s chick flicks.  Or maybe that and his other maturity issues might have something to do with Mom’s sickness when she was pregnant with him, but Father insists he’ll grow out of it.

Aqua half-laughs, half-sighs.  “Because you’re my little brother.”

“What if I was your big brother?  What if I was big like Terra?”Vani spits the name.

“Van.”  Aqua gives him that look that Mother always used on us whenever we tried to avoid chores or begged for an extra scoop of ice cream or didn’t listen to Father.  Even though Saïx has the same color eyes as Mom, he can’t do that look as good as Aqua can.  I think it’s a girl thing.  I wonder if I could do it if I tried.  “Dating is only for boys and girls who _aren’t related_.  Father and I have both explained this to you already.”

“But you always get to have fun without me,” Vani grumbles, crossing his arms.  “And now Xion gets to have fun without me too.”

Aqua melts a little, smiling.  “You’ll get to do the same when you’re older.”

She goes to ruffle his hair, but he grabs her wrist and shoves her hand away.  “Stop treating me like a kid!”

“Stop acting like one,” I can’t help retorting, but I flinch when Aqua glares at me like I’m just as bad as he is.  Then Vanitas kicks me in the shin and runs away, leaving me wincing in pain and Aqua rubbing her temples.  I know she feels responsible for him, which is dumb because however much she acts like it, she’s not his mom.  It’s not fair that she has to feel guilty whenever he does anything stupid.  Which is most of the time.

“I was going to offer to do something with him next week…”  She sighs.

“He’ll be fine.”  I shrug.  It’s hard to feel bad for Vani when he can be such a brat.  My shin still hurts; that kid has toes of steel.  “Fine enough to pester Terra and Axel when they get here.”

And I was right.  The doorbell rings twenty minutes later, and Aqua opens the door for Terra.  Before either of them can say a word to each other, Vanitas appears out of nowhere and pounces on him.

“You better be _really_ nice to my sister, or I’m going to sic Flood on you,” he says, tugging on Terra’s less-casual-than-usual shirt.  Flood’s probably about a hundred years old in hamster years, but he’s lived through Vani’s abuse (including being trained in tiny obstacle courses my brother makes for him) and he’s still just as good at biting as ever.  I wonder if he’s even a normal hamster; I mean, first of all he’s _blue,_ and second of all, he was a Christmas present from Uncle Xehanort, and I know _he’s_ not normal.

Terra winks at Aqua.  “I’ve got that taken care of, Van.”

“And you better tell her she’s beautiful and you love her.”

Terra and Aqua both flush, leaving an awkward silence until I tell Vani to go bother Saïx.

“Saïx is on a special mission,” he reminds me.  Right.  I wonder if Father chose tonight to send Saïx present-scouting, or whatever it is, so he wouldn’t have to sit around with Vani while Aqua and I go out.

“Then go play Power Rangers or something.”

He smirks and takes off up the stairs, apparently satisfied with the awkwardness he’s caused.

Terra clears his throat, still pink in the face.  “He’s right.”

“Hm?”  Aqua glances up at him, eyes sparkling.  They’re pretty close to each other, and I’m not sure I should be watching them, so I casually sit on the couch and pretend I’m not eavesdropping.

“You’re beautiful, and I love you.”  Terra’s voice is so low I can barely hear it.  I sneak a glance over my shoulder to see Aqua’s reaction, but her back is facing me.

“Terra… I love you too.”  She sounds like she’s smiling.  I try to push down my jealously.  They make it sound so easy…

He breathes a sigh of relief.

“Did you ever doubt it?”  Aqua asks.

“Aqua, you’re a girl.  You can’t expect me to read your mind.”

“I can’t exactly read your mind either.  Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I didn’t want to mess up.”  He rubs the back of his head, ruffling up spikes that had been combed down.  “Let me make it up to you.”

“You don’t have to do that…” she trails off when Terra’s arm finds her waist.

“You might change your mind if you knew what I had in mind.”

She whispers something I can’t make out, but it makes him smile.  Their closeness is making me nervous; I duck behind the couch when Terra and Aqua’s lips almost meet, but I’m too slow to stop his gaze from catching mine.  He freezes, but I don’t see anything else that happens between them because I’m trying to pretend I don’t exist.

“Um… I can give you a raincheck,” Terra mutters in amusement.

“I suppose that’s for the best.”  Aqua’s voice is calm and resigned, but it has a hint of that dangerous edge that tells me I’ll be in for it later.  Right now I’m just glad that Terra was decent enough to not kiss her while I’m in the room.  I don’t care if they kiss somewhere else as long as I don’t know about it.  I mean, Vanitas was right about some things; she’s still my sister.

I’m sure they’re both thankful I (indirectly) stopped them when Father appears from the back hallway, eyebrows raised.  They practically jump apart like repelling magnets, faces so red they look sunburned.

“Sensei.”  Terra bows quickly while Aqua brushes the wrinkles out of her turquoise shirt, and Father’s face softens in amusement.

“I hope this isn’t a bad time,” he says lightly.

“No, not at all, Father.”  Aqua sneaks a look of what I think is gratitude at me.  I can’t help smiling a little smugly.

Then Vanitas appears out of nowhere (sometimes I think he can turn invisible, he’s that sneaky) and yanks me up the stairs, so I miss whatever Father says in reply.

“Vani, what are you—”

Grinning mischievously, he holds up his hand.  I tilt my head and narrow my eyes, and he rolls his.

“High-five, stupid.”

“You’re never going to make any friends if you talk like that.”  I slap his palm anyway.  “What’s it for?”

“Stopping Aqua from sucking face with that loser, _obviously._   I would’ve done something, but they noticed you first so I don’t have to get in trouble.”  His grin returns.

“I didn’t _mean_ to do that!  It’s so embarrassing…”  My face heats up.  I really wasn’t planning to spy on anything like _that,_ and I didn’t mean to mess things up for them either; I was just there and curiosity got the best of me…

“You mean you would’ve let them make out?”  He gapes like I suggested feeding Flood to one of the stray cats that hang around our backyard.  “Aqua’s our sister!”

“Who also loves Terra and has every right to kiss him if she wants to.”

“No she doesn’t!”  He apparently realizes he’s too loud because he continues in a whisper, “She can only kiss me and you and Saïx and Father!”

I snort, trying to hold back all-out laughter.  Vani’s not dumb, but there are some areas where he seems paradoxically ignorant.  Maybe he’s so appalled by Aqua kissing anyone because she’s always like a mom to him, since he wasn’t even a year old when Mom passed away.

I sit on the top hardwood step, pulling him down next to me.  “Vanitas, someday you’ll understand.”

“I’m not a _kid,”_ he growls, crossing his arms.  “I get it.  But I don’t want all that mushy heart-bleeding garbage.”

“I don’t expect you to.”

“But _you_ do.”  Vani glares, yellow eyes burning.  His hands grip the stair so tightly they look white.  “You’re going to run off with Axel and leave me too.”

I practice keeping my expression relaxed, taking a deep breath.  “Nobody’s leaving you.  It’s okay to love…”  I break off my sentence, realizing it would make me admit more about my feelings for Axel than I’d like Vani to know.

He scowls, seeming to get the picture anyway.  “Fine.  Do whatever you want.”  His scowl morphs into a smirk.  “Make out with Axel all night long for all I care,” he teases.

_“Vanitas!”_  I ball my fists.

“If he even shows up.  How late is he already?”

I freeze.  Embarrassment and anger are replaced by anxiety, and I run downstairs, almost falling on my face before I reach the bottom.  Father’s still talking to Terra and Aqua, something about being mature adults and setting a good example for me, but I don’t pay attention.  I’m busy looking at the analog clock on the wall, the one that has two keys for hands, they one that says Axel is already ten minutes late.  Panicking, I run to the kitchen and check the digital clock on the oven to make sure.  It reads 6:10 in bright red numbers.

I rush back to the living room and shift from foot to foot while I wait for Father to stop talking.

“Yes, Xion?”  He finally addresses me.

“Axel’s late.”  I hope I don’t sound as worried as I feel.

“Hmm…  It is quite rude to keep a young lady waiting,” Father says.  Great, now he’s going to be biased against Axel before he even shows up.  _If_ he even shows up.  I panic even more at the thought of our date going wrong before we even have a chance for it to go right.

“I’m sure he’ll be here,” Aqua assures me, apparently reading my mind.

“Yeah, he’d have to be a jerk to stand you up,” Terra interjects.  I suddenly remember that that’s what got Axel dumped so many times:  unreliability.  I feel cold all over and half-sit, half-collapse on the couch by Aqua.

“He’ll come.”  She puts an arm around my shoulder.  Father looks grim, like he’s imaging a suitable punishment for someone who stood up his daughter.

Axel wouldn’t do that, right?  Get my hopes up and then burn them down?  No, I _know_ he wouldn’t.  If nothing else, he’s still my best friend.  I can count on one hand the times he let me down (three), and those were all when he was dating Larxene.

Could he have forgotten the time?  No, he has Kairi to remind him.  So why isn’t he here?

Vanitas flings himself onto my lap, which he’s definitely too big for.  “If he doesn’t come you can play with me instead.”

I push him off – gently, because I don’t want to look bad in front of Father – and he sulks, leaning over the armrest beside me.

“Don’t bother her, Van,” Aqua says.

“He is coming.”  Father smiles.

“But what if he’s not?”  I ask anxiously, and Father points out the window behind us, where a bright red car is pulling up in the driveway.  My heart jumps in relief, and I run out the door (barely remembering to throw on my jacket and scarf) before anyone knocks.

Axel isn’t even out of the car before he starts apologizing.  “Xion, I’m so sorry we’re late, Mom took _forever_ fussing over me and Kairi and then—”

I glomp-hug him before he can finish explaining.

“—we had to pick up Sora… heh.”  He hugs me back, and I feel like melting rainbows again.

“It’s okay.”  It is now, anyway.  He lets go and I back up enough to look at him – he’s as handsome as ever in a nice orange vest, green scarf, and khaki pants (which I have a sneaking suspicion his mom helped him pick out), and his hair’s still styled in his usual gravity-defying spikes that I always want to poke (if I were tall enough to easily reach them).  It takes me a moment to realize that he’s been staring at me in pretty much the same way I’ve been staring at him.

“Um, do you…?”  I ask hesitantly, pulling at the hem of my shirtsleeve under my jacket.

“Xion… wow.  You look amazing.”  He looks kind of stunned.  I smile a little, suddenly shy under his bright green gaze.

“You do too.”

Then Kairi and Sora hop out of the car, laughing about something, and Aqua, Terra, Vanitas, and Father join us from inside.  Father gives Axel a disapproving look that fades slightly when he hears his honest apology.

“I trust you won’t make the same mistake again,” Father says.

“It wasn’t really his fault—” I start to say, but Axel silences me by putting an arm around my shoulders.

“I won’t,” he replies.

“Good.  Take care of her, and I hope you all have a wonderful night,” Father says, dismissing us warmly and turning towards the house.  I look up at Axel, smiling with the warmth of his arm around me.  I appreciate his body heat even more with last night’s snow still on the ground.

“Ready for your first date, Xi?”  He asks.

I start to reply–

“Axel and Xion, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-”

Aqua clamps a hand over Vani’s mouth before I can strangle him – which I’m really tempted to do, even though Father’s watching us from the window.

“Come on, Van.”  She places a firm hand on his shoulder, but she can’t stop him from finishing the rest of his rhyme as he’s dragged inside.  Sora and Kairi only make it worse by giggling behind me.

“He did something like that to me and Aqua too,” Terra explains to Axel, who I can’t look at because my face is too red.  So much for all my practice.

He just laughs, which I take as a good sign.  “I really wonder how he ended up related to the rest of you.”

Aqua returns from taking Van inside.  “He’s not usually this obnoxious…”

“Yes he is,” I grumble, still looking at the ground.  Then I realize I must look really immature to Axel, so I look up again, resolving not to let Vani ruin my night.  “Are we going to leave now?”

“Yeah, what are we waiting for?”  Sora asks happily.

“We can leave now,” Aqua says, pulling her keys out of her coat pocket and unlocking the light-blue minivan that’s older than dirt.

“Wait, we’re taking the _Rainsmell?”_ I ask.  Normally I wouldn’t mind so much; that’s the car Aqua drives me, Saïx, and Vani in to school, but it’s really beat up on the inside, and smelly too – that’s why we call it a Rainsmell instead of it’s actual name, Rainfell.  The only reason we still have it is because of Mom.

“There’s no other car we all fit in,” Aqua points out.  Of course; even if Saïx hadn’t taken his Luminary for his mission with Father, it only has five seats.

“We could cram in my Earthshaker,” Terra offers.  He and Ven were in the Rainsmell with us the time the transmission went out.

“Terra, there’s no way we’ll fit in that truck.  There aren’t enough seatbelts.”

“What’s so bad about the van?”  Sora asks.

Aqua replies “Nothing” at the same time Kairi, Terra, and I say “Everything.”

“C’mon, it can’t be worse than my car,” Axel says.  Even though his Frolic Flame looks nice on the outside, it was his father’s and even older than the Rainsmell.  Since Lea’s a welder and mechanic, though, I trust his car more.  “It’s had so many parts replaced, I’m surprised it still runs.”

“Well, our minivan _should_ have more parts replaced,” I reply.  The door, the windshield wipers, the tires…

“Why haven’t you taken it in to my dad?”

“It’s still in working condition,” Aqua says.  Which is technically true, but it would be nice if we had another option.  I don’t trust the Rainsmell if it starts snowing.

Sora shrugs and yanks open the sliding door, which used to be automatic.  “If it works, it’s good enough for me.”  He and Kairi climb in, taking two of the seats (that are missing headrests) in the middle row.

“If you say so, Aqua.”  Terra opens the driver’s side door for her like a gentleman before taking shotgun, which leaves me and Axel in the very back.

“Ladies first,” Axel says with a grin.  I scramble undignifiedly into the back, hoping I don’t look too ridiculous, and he slides into the seat on my left with about the same amount of awkwardness.

“If you have a working seatbelt, fasten it now,” Terra jokes.

I see Aqua roll her eyes when she checks the rearview mirror.  “Only one of the seatbelts is broken.”

“Mine,” Axel says after trying to click it several times.  “I’ll just take that seat.”

Before I could point out that I could slide over and he could have my seat, he practically climbs over me to the seat on my right.  Aqua glares at him in the rearview and points out exactly what I was thinking.

“Oh.  Whoops.”  He chuckles awkwardly.  “Sorry, Xi.”

“I’m fine,” I mumble, trying to keep my blush down.  His knee is brushing mine comfortably, and his hand is close enough to hold, but I’m not that brave yet.

Then a shiver of excitement goes through me when I remember I’m actually here, now, going on a date with Axel.  I’ve waited so long for this.

Aqua turns the key to start the car, Sora tells Kairi a joke and she laughs, and Axel oh-so-casually places his hand on mine.  I smile up at him, not caring how red my face might be.

This is going to be the best night of my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I totally just named their cars after keyblades. XD This is an AU; sue me. :P Oh, except Luminary, that’s one of Saïx’s claymores in 358/2 Days. Lunatic, his main claymore, sounded a bit too odd for a car name, even for me.
> 
> Xion sometimes calls her mom Mother and sometimes Mom. It depends on the memories associated with her at the particular moment. I kind of just go with what Xion’s giving me. ^^;


	7. Endurance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saix's POV.

Axel refers to my house as a castle, but the Sultanas’ house quite literally resembles a palace, with a domed Arabian-esque roof and two turrets.  It’s somewhat out of place between several houses that resemble more traditional castles. 

I pause at the door, wondering if Jasmine’s father will be as strict with me as my father is with Aqua’s dates – and now with Axel, unfortunately.  I wouldn’t require looming threats to treat Jasmine respectfully, but I am still slightly intimidated by the possibility that her father might act similar to mine.  However much I understand wanting to be protective, I don’t welcome the thought of being on the receiving end.

I straighten my collar with one hand, the other clasped tightly around a small bouquet of flowers – jasmine flowers.  I hope she will appreciate the irony and not find it insulting.  It is considered proper to give your date flowers, isn’t it?  Zack liked to bring Aqua flowers.

I knock on the door, taking a startled step back when it flings open mid-knock.

“Why hello, dear boy!”  A hand grasps mine – damaging the flowers I’m holding – and pumps it up and down with as much energy as the voice.  Blinking quickly, I look down and see that both belong to a somewhat short and round man.  “Come in, come in!”

He practically drags me into the house, where Jasmine is petting a giant cat (assumedly Rajah) and looking simultaneously amused and exasperated.

“Don’t scare him, Father,” she says.  I don’t see much family resemblance between them.

“Of course not!  I wouldn’t scare the first boy you’ve accepted all year!”

I raise my eyebrows in slight surprise.  I know Jasmine can be picky, but am I really special enough for her father to make such a fuss?

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, er… Sia–Six–Sss…”  Mr. Sultana snaps his fingers in thought.

“Saïx,” I say.

“Saïx, yes, of course!  A handsome name for a handsome young man.”

Jasmine giggles as she rolls her eyes, approaching us with Rajah at her heels.  “You’re embarrassing him.”

Now that she points it out, my face feels warm.  This escapade is already off to a far-too-interesting start… And I’ve neglected the proper formalities.

“I am pleased to see you, Jasmine.”  Not-quite-lying, I hold out what’s left of the flowers.  I could be in a far worse situation; I could’ve been stuck with one of the Bimbette triplets.  At least Jasmine is intelligent…  And all things considered, she isn’t too obnoxious unless I’m ignoring her.

She sniffs the blossoms and smiles.  “It’s nice to see you too.  I suppose these are your sense of humor?”  She gives the flowers a small shake, accidentally making a few white petals fall.  I shrug and hope she meant that in a positive connotation.

“Thank you for allowing me to date your daughter.”  I give Mr. Sultana a respectful nod.

“Thank _you,_ Saïx, for having the patience to put up with her-”

“Father!”  Jasmine exclaims.

“Well, you’re not always the most _compliable_ -”

While they argue, Rajah rubs his cantaloupe-sized head against my leg, purring contentedly.  I smile at him and scratch his neck, and he rolls over at my feet.

“Aww, Rajah likes you,” Jasmine coos, rubbing the tabby’s stomach.  “He must not believe the werewolf rumors.”

I snort but smile just a little.  “I doubt he’s heard them, unless you have been spreading them around.”

Before Jasmine can make some witty reply, Mr. Sultana takes the flowers from Jasmine to place in a vase and shoos us out the door.

“Go on, go on!  Have fun, you don’t want to sit around this old place all day!  Goodbye!”

The door shuts loudly, leaving us alone under the porch and cloudy sky – Jasmine’s thin sweater doesn’t look like it will offer much protection if it starts to snow.

“We’re going ice skating.  Do you believe that’s warm enough?”  I ask, gesturing to her clothing, and she frowns.

“That’s the first thing you’re going to say about how I look?”  She puts a hand on her hip.

“It wasn’t about how you look; it was about your health.  There’s no reason to let yourself freeze.”

“Hmm… I can count on you to keep me warm, can’t I?”  She smiles coyly, slipping her arm through the cook of mine.

“If you fail to do so yourself, I suppose I have no choice.”  I pause, smelling the jasmine still lingering around us.  It’s stronger than before; possibly she has perfume as well.  “…You do look nice,” I say to correct my earlier tactlessness.

The smile now on her face looks even nicer than her silky clothing.  “And you’re very handsome, Saïx.”

I do my best not to react, but my face warms.  I’m not used to receiving compliments like that.  Not that I mind them.

“Aren’t you going to get me out of the cold?”  Jasmine teases when I don’t reply.  I cough once.

“Yes.  My father would like to meet you before we officially set out.”

XXX

Jasmine talks most of the drive there, probably because she wants to take advantage of the two of us being together in a confined space.

“I’m sorry about my father,” she says.  “He doesn’t mean to be rude, but he gets excited easily.”

“I could tell,” I reply evenly.  My eyes are on the road, but I can feel her studying me out of the corner of my eye.

“What’s your father like?”

I pause for a moment before answering.  “He’s stern but kind.  A good father.”  ‘Good’ isn’t a strong enough word to describe Eraqus Knight, but I’m not comfortable saying exactly how much I appreciate and respect him to anyone outside of my family.

“He sounds like he might be like you.”

I glance at her, momentarily distracted from the road.  “How did you come up with that idea?”

“I just get that feeling.”  She shrugs.  Her father isn’t anything like her; why does she automatically assume that I am like mine?  As much as I wish it were true…

“He is kinder than I am,” I mumble.

She leans over and places a hand on my shoulder, her seat belt not hindering her enough.  “I know you’re kind.  You just waste too much time pretending to be all grumpy and annoyed at everyone.”

The only other person to make blunt blanket statements about me is usually Axel.  How could she see through me so easily?  Perhaps I need to start paying the same level of attention to her.

Her hand isn’t uncomfortable on my shoulder, and it isn’t too distracting from my driving, so I don’t shrug her off.

“…I don’t _really_ annoy you, do I?”  Jasmine asks.

I pause.  She’s distracting in class, but… That’s not really her fault.  It’s mine.  I should be focused enough to avoid distractions, even when she does go a little far to get my attention.  That’s not entirely an annoyance with her, though, more of an annoyance at myself.

“No,” I answer.  I realize that her presence isn’t actually annoying at all.  Maybe tonight will not be completely unbearable.

Jasmine smiles, and we fall into silence for a few minutes, during which I force myself to focus on my surroundings rather than on trying to decode what she might be thinking about.  We finally reach the edge of town, where fountains and gardens blend into forested mountains.

Jasmine removes her hand from my shoulder to push a button on the radio, letting out a loud blast of some obnoxious pop song.

“Turn that off,” I tell her, grimacing in physical pain.

She smiles in spite of my clear discomfort and turns it louder.  “For being in choir, you don’t seem to enjoy music.”

_“This_ is not music.”  I change the station to a soothing classical melody.  “I have no issue with something of this sort.”

But Jasmine isn’t listening now; she’s shuffling through the stack of CD cases in the center console.  “Sooo, you like Shimomura _and_ Disney?”  She teases.

“It’s better than the deplorable excuse for music on most radio stations.”  I try not to sound too defensive.

“I knew you enjoyed our last recital.”  She smiles smugly.  “You sang louder on “A Whole New World” than you do most of the time.”

“So did you.”  Not the most creative reply, but it draws the attention away from me.

“It’s my favorite song.”  As if I wasn’t already aware of that; I hear her hum it almost every day in Trigonometry.

“Disk two, track seven,” I say without looking at her.

“Hm?”

“You may listen to it, if you like.”

I catch her smiling out of the corner of my eye as she inserts the disk.  “I suppose you have some cover-up excuse for why you know the exact track number?”

This will be a long night if I keep trying to protect my dignity.  She seems intent on exposing my “secrets” anyway.

“Do you expect me to?”  I ask, and she shrugs.

“You’ve made a habit of it.”  ‘A Whole New World’ begins to play from the car’s speakers.

“Well I don’t,” I reply bluntly.

Jasmine accepts this with a grin, humming along to the song as I follow Departure Drive, the winding road that leads up the hill to my house.

_“Unbelievable sights, indescribable feeling…”_

I don’t mind overly much when Jasmine sings out loud, but the fact that she sings only to the female parts creates a slightly odd-sounding effect.  She must notice this too, because she says, “I can’t sing it all by myself.”

“Of course not.  It’s a duet.”  Obviously, it’s not meant to be sung alone.

“Exactly.”  She smiles.  I glance at her in puzzlement before returning my eyes to the road.

“Is that your way of asking me to sing with you?”

She sighs.  “Is that your way of saying no?”

“…Not while I’m driving,” I answer, not wanting to offend her.  She looks a little offended anyway, her lips curved downwards.

“You’re good at making excuses,” she says grumpily.  “Were you being honest when you said I don’t annoy you?”

I grimace internally.  Again, I haven’t meant to be rude…  I wish I had listened to Axel’s advice.  Or at least asked Aqua for some insider’s knowledge on girls.  Even if I’m mostly doing this to keep an eye on Axel and Xion, that’s no reason to mistreat Jasmine.  I could be somewhat less aloof towards her.

“That wasn’t an excuse; that was honesty.  I need to focus on driving,” I say.  She still doesn’t look satisfied, so I sigh through my nose.  “I apologize for appearing rude.”

That makes her expression soften a little, but not all the way.  “So when we get there you’ll have fun and stop looking like you’re in pain?”

“I don’t look like that.”  But when I check my face in the rearview mirror, I see a static scowl.

“Yes you do.  Do you even know how to smile?”

…This really will be a long night.  Maybe I was wrong when I said she wasn’t annoying.  “Yes.”

“Then show me.”

By that time we’re in the driveway, so I manage to get out of a response for now.

“After you’ve met my father.”

XXX

“So you are the elusive Jasmine Sultana,” Father says once Jasmine and I are seated on the couch across from him.  “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise.”  She nods respectfully, then smiles at me from the corner of her mouth.  “So he’s mentioned me before?”

“A few times, in passing.”  Father smiles, and I’m thankful that he hasn’t explained exactly what I said about ‘that distracting girl who put pencils in my hair.’  “Thank you for taking the time to put up with him.”

“Father…”  This is too similar to what Jasmine had to endure from her father, if on a lesser scale.

“He’s not too insufferable.”  She’s teasing me by using that word, the same way Axel and my siblings enjoy doing.

“May we have permission to leave now?”  I ask, forcing myself to keep still.  Axel, Xion, and the others are likely already at the ice skating rink, and I don’t want to leave them unsupervised for too long.  Well, they have Aqua, but she is more easily distracted by Terra than I am by Jasmine.

Father looks at me curiously.  “If you are that eager to be dismissed, you may go.”  Father stands – the signal that we may rise as well – and shakes Jasmine’s hand.  “I apologize that I haven’t had the chance to get to know you better.  We would be happy to have you and your family over for dinner sometime.”

“I’d be honored,” Jasmine replies.  “You do have a nice son, you know.”

Father smiles like he already considers her one of his daughters.  I should have foreseen the consequences of this; even if I stay hidden from Axel and Xion tonight, they will eventually find out.  But it’s too late to go back now.

“I’m glad you can see the good in him,” Father says to Jasmine.

“I would rather you not talk about me like I’m not here,” I mumble, trying not to look too impatient.

“We were saying nice things about you, at least,” Jasmine replies with a smile, hand hovering close to mine.  I take it, since that seems to be the expected action.

“I appreciate that,” I admit.  Her hand is oddly soft; I doubt she’s ever performed physical labor.

“Have a nice evening,” Father says, walking us out the door.  “And remember your manners, Saïx.”

“I will.”  I’ve been sadly failing in that capacity so far.  I will have to remedy that if I want to keep this date from ending in horrible disaster.

“Thank you, Mr. Knight.”  Jasmine waves.

I grab my heavy coat on the way out, with the sense that I’m suiting up for battle.


	8. Ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Axel's POV.

I’m pretty good at lying to people, long as I don’t look them in the eyes.  Just smile and slip a few words off my tongue before I think too hard about the consequences.  It’s easy – when it’s not someone I care about.

It was bad enough acting like this date wasn’t a big deal while talking to Saïx.  I wasn’t just trying to convince him, I was trying to convince myself, too.  Now, seeing Xion even more beautiful than ever… the only way I can describe it is it feels like someone’s stirring soup in my chest.  And I don’t mind.

_She’s mine tonight,_ I think for a second.  _I don’t have to share her with Saïx or Roxas or anyone._

No, bad Axel, that’s not right.  This isn’t like all the other dates I’ve been on.  This is _Xion,_ my best friend, not just another hot girl to steal a kiss from – not that I would mind –

Backpedal backpedal _stop it,_ Axel.  Bad.  I can’t go all night thinking stuff like that.

I’m going to do things right this time.  Not go so fast, not jump in without testing the waters.  Respect her personal space.  Respect the promise I made to Saïx…

It might be too late for that.  I’ve already taken Xion’s hand, and whatever happens tonight, I know something’s going to change.

I can lie to other people, but I’ve never been able to lie to myself.

XXX

Holding Xion’s hand feels like holding a block of ice:  cold, hard, but slowly melting.  She’s smiling, so that’s good, but her palm is sweating even though it’s freezing cold.  Or is that my palm sweating?  I can understand her being nervous; this is her first date.  So what’s my excuse?

I act nonchalant, but that’s all it is, an act.  Usually I don’t worry much about accidentally pushing girls’ buttons… which has been a pretty big mistake in the past… but with Xion, I’m nervous I’ll cross some invisible line and she’ll shut down on me.  Plus Saïx and their dad and maybe even Aqua would murder me.  Even Vanitas would hate me (more than he hates everyone), and he’d hide his demon hamster in my bed—

Man, when did I start being so paranoid?  _Relax._ How can I tell Xion not to be nervous when I’m acting so weird?

Sora and Kairi are chattering about something and laughing every five seconds.  Aqua’s trying to slap Terra’s hand away from the radio while somehow focusing on the road.  And Xion’s still almost-frozen, pointedly keeping her eyes away from me.

“Something wrong, Xi?”  I ask, squeezing her hand.  She jerks back instinctively, like I startled her, and I get a painful mental flash of Saïx’s glare.

“No,” she replies, but she doesn’t sound convinced herself.

“You’re nervous.”  I want to put an arm around her, but in addition to imaginary-Saïx, I catch Aqua’s glance in the rearview.  She must be psychic; she’s still defending the radio and driving as well as possible in this piece-of-junk van.

Xion dips her head, but her hair doesn’t fall into her face since it’s pinned back.  It’s pretty like that, plus I get the bonus of still seeing her eyes.  “It’s my first date.”

“So?”  I ask, flashing a smile to comfort her.

“…I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Thankfully that rules out the possibility that I’m making her uncomfortable.  “You don’t have to do anything special.”

“I don’t?”  She blinks.  Her eyes look so big and blue; when did they start looking so… like that?

“Nope.”  I smile.  It’s just like her to make things overly complicated.  And just like me to be a hypocrite by thinking that.  “Just be yourself.  …Well, and you don’t have to look like someone taped a stick to your back.”

“Huh?”

“You’re sitting up really straight.”

Her face turns pink.  Pinker than before, anyway.  “Oh.”  She shifts in her seat, uncrossing her ankles.  “Father likes us to sit with good posture…”

I know that, but she looks way more uncomfortably stiff than usual.  “Don’t worry about it.  I just want you to be comfortable.”

“I am,” she insists, and her knee brushes mine.  I smile and lay my hand close to hers again before Kairi distracts my attention.

“Before you get _too_ cozy back there, could you grab the extra coat in the trunk?”

Sora giggles, legit _giggles._ I really wonder how Kairi can crush on that kid.  Xion quickly backs down, shrinking into her seat, and I shoot a glare at Kairi.  I guess I deserve it for teasing her about Sora for so long, but still.  She’s supposed to be the nice one out of the two of us.

“I told you you’d get cold.”  Wearing that short pink dress, it’s impressive that she’s not frozen solid yet.  I turn around anyway, stretching the seatbelt, and grab a familiar purple coat out from under Xion and Aqua’s ice skates.  “Hey, isn’t this Xion’s?”

“Yes,” Aqua says from up front.  “I told Kairi to bring a coat too, but I knew she wouldn’t listen, so I brought one of Xion’s.”

“We wear the same size, and I had an extra.”  Xion shrugs.  I grin and throw the coat on Kairi’s head, making Xion laugh.

“You messed up my hair!”  Kairi complains, trying to comb the static-y strands down with her fingers.

“Your hair’s fine, Kairi.”  Sora takes the hand she was fixing her hair with.

“No it’s not…” she mumbles, self-conscious as always.  I’m glad Xion doesn’t worry the same way (most of the time); I’ve tried to explain to Kairi that guys get annoyed when girls beat themselves up over how they look.

“It didn’t explode into spikes like mine.”  He grins.  “Besides, you’d be pretty even if you were bald.”

I can’t see Kairi’s face as she wraps the coat around herself, but she’s probably blushing.  Sora’s a complete dork, but she eats that stuff up.  I turn and glance at Xion.  She’d stare at me like I was crazy if I said something that dumb.  Luckily I’m more gifted with wit than Kairi’s crush.

“Did you bring a coat?”  I ask Xion.

“Yeah, it’s in the back,” she replies easily, smiling brightly.  “I’ve got my scarf, too.  It gets cold in the ice rink.”

I kind of wish she hadn’t prepared that much.  When the temperature drops, she lets me hold her to keep her warm.  It’s been sort of a tradition ever since we were kids.

“I just have this vest and my scarf.”  I shrug.

“Really?”  She grins back, a warning that she’s about to start teasing.  “I thought your mom would’ve made you bring a coat with that outfit.”

“Wha- how did you know my mom picked this out?”  Suddenly I’m the one with the red face. 

“Technically I didn’t say that, you did.”  She laughs.  “I know you, and I know your mom.  She’s the only one who would tell you that yellow-green and orange go together.”

“I _told_ you not to listen to her,” Kairi butts in.

“Shut up,” I tell her, then mutter, “I like this scarf.”

Xion smiles and says, “You’re the only one who could pull it off.”

It takes me a minute to realize she was complimenting me, and by then Kairi is rambling a whole list of my fashion failures – why does she care what I wear? – and Xion is smiling apologetically at me.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to get her started,” she whispers.

“Don’t worry about it.”  Then I said louder, interrupting my sister’s ramble, “Oi, shouldn’t you be hitting on Sora or something?”

She freezes mid-sentence and blushes a shade between our hair colors, shrinking back into her seat.  Somehow Sora, being the oblivious dork he is, managed to completely miss the whole thing.  I think he was asking Terra how he got so buff or something.

Unfortunately there’s now a very awkward silence, and Xion looks awkward as well.  Plus I knew Kairi would find a way to get me back later.

I’m trying to think of some way to break the awkward, but Xion beats me to it.  “Did you tell Roxas that we’re going ice skating tonight?”

“So you didn’t?” I ask to cover the fact that I couldn’t bring myself to.  Of course the thought had crossed my mind that Roxas might like her, and she might like him.  Same age, close friends, etc. etc.  So give me a break if I was just a little bit nervous about his reaction.  Even if he doesn’t like her – and if he does he should’ve asked her out already – I don’t want him to feel like a third wheel.  He’s like my little brother, and he’s my best friend, but he can’t do everything with me.  Especially not this.

“I wasn’t sure if you were okay with me telling anyone,” she says apprehensively. 

“It’s not a secret, Xi.  I just didn’t want him to feel left out.”  He’ll feel more left out when he finds out later, but I don’t have to worry about that right now.  “Why d’you ask, anyway?”

She shrugs.  “Just wondering.”

We relapse into silence, eavesdropping on Terra and Aqua and Sora and Kairi’s conversations, exchanging glances and snorts that translate into our own secret commentary.

“-Riku kept trying to make me study, but I couldn’t focus so we ended up getting ice cream-”

_“Who does that remind you of?”_ Xion asks with a look and an almost-smirk. 

I fake innocence.  _“How should I know?”_

“Sora.”  Kairi shakes her head, but she giggles anyway.  “If you two goof off every time you try to study, I’ll have to come help _both_ of you.”

_“Pfft, like she would get any less distracted.”_ I snort and roll my eyes.

_“Only as distracted as you are around me,”_ Xion’s small grin seems to tease, but I’m probably imagining that.

“Riku’s actually good at studying.  I’m the one that needs help,” Sora admits.

_“Translation: he wants her all to himself.”_

It’s harder since they’re farther up, but Xion discreetly points at Aqua, so I listen in to her and Terra’s conversation.

“-can’t believe you and Van have something in common.”  Aqua laughs.  What did I miss?

“Power Rangers isn’t just for ten-year-olds,” Terra pouts, and she smiles teasingly.

“You’re right.  Van is still immature for his age.”

I manage to restrain my laughter, but Xion fails.  Terra turns to see why she suddenly broke into giggles, and Aqua stares at us from the rearview mirror.

“See, I _knew_ you were lying about being ticklish.”  I grin at Xion and wink subtly.

“Wha-? Oh, yeah.  You could’ve warned me before using your Super Tickle Attack of Doom, though.”  She grins back.

Aqua sighs and mutters, “They better not _mumble mumble_ the whole _mumble_ … thought Axel _mumble mumble mumble_ …”  Too bad I can’t make out all of what she says.  I know I caught my name in there.

Xion and I silently agree to stop eavesdropping on the others’ conversations, but for once I can’t think of anything else to talk about.  Well I bet I could, but I’m actually content with just sitting here next to her.

I watch the frozen streets out the window…  Xion’s boots clicking together when we bump over inconsistencies in the pavement… Sora holding his breath trying to get rid of his hiccups until his face turns purple… Xion’s eyelashes as she blinks so slowly… Terra making Aqua laugh by singing along to some girly pop song on the radio… Xion tentatively leaning closer to me…  Streetlamps turning on as the sun sinks down…  My hand moving towards Xion’s again… Xion…

Aqua turns a corner, and the sliding door on Sora’s – and my – side flings open.  He screams, which is what I think shocks Xion back to her original stiff-and-straight position more than anything else.  I reach forward and push the door half-closed, and Terra reaches back to slam it the rest of the way.

“Just another day in the Rainsmell,” Terra says with a grin.  Sora’s scooted practically on top of Kairi to get away from the door.

“Rainfell,” Aqua corrects automatically, sounding like she’s been through this more than a couple times.

“Same thing.”  Terra shrugs.

“Can I switch seats?”  Sora pleads.

“Well, you’re pretty much in my seat already…”  Kairi points out with a mix of amusement and embarrassment.

“Whoops, sorry Kai.”  He doesn’t scoot completely back to his seat, but I doubt she minds.  Of course _I_ mind, but I’ve already got a strike against me for my earlier comment about her and Sora, and I know she keeps track of things like that.  Never doubt Kairi’s ability to get revenge for the tiniest things.  Especially if said things involve Sora.

“It’s always an adventure in this car, huh?”  I grin at Xion.

“Only every day.”  She grins back.  “I thought I was going to die one time; Aqua was driving me and Saïx to get a birthday present for Vanitas…”

By the time she finishes the story of how she nearly dove out the broken door to save a Red Power Ranger action figure, Aqua’s pulling into the skating rink parking lot.  I’m last out since I was stuck in the back corner.  I stretch and roll my shoulders, perfectly comfortable in the weather that makes everyone else, even Terra, shiver.

“You would think I’d be used to the cold after living here through sixteen winters…”  Xion mumbles, pulling her jacket more tightly around herself.

“Global Cooling.  I’m telling you, it’s a real thing,” Terra says.  Aqua rolls her eyes at him.

I take Xion’s sidelong glance as permission to slide an arm around her waist – no, shoulders.  That’s safer.  (Besides, she’s so short that I can’t really hold her around her waist without pressing her right up to my side.)

“Global Cooling’s going to have to try a lot harder to get to me, heh.”

My arm brushes an exposed bit of Xion’s neck, and it feels as cold and smooth as metal.  “I don’t know how you stay so warm…”

“I eat my vegetables,” I joke.  If Saïx was here, he’d call me out on that and bring up my unhealthy eating habits, like eating grease-soaked pizza from the cafeteria almost every day.  The only time I actually eat vegetables is when Mom makes me or when I cook for other people, like the other day.

Aqua gets her and Xion’s ice skates, and we head towards the rink.

“Isn’t it kinda ironic that we’re going ice skating inside when all the fountains are frozen over?”  I mean, the ice rink’s nice and fancy-schmancy, I just think it’s funny.

“You couldn’t skate on those,” Aqua says.  “Lakes or ponds aren’t very safe, either.”

“This ice has to be thick enough, or else it could break.”  Xion shivers, huddling closer.

“Guess that makes sense,” I shrug.

Like I said earlier, the Radiant Garden Skating Rink is pretty fancy since they rebuilt it a couple of years ago.  There are two rinks, one for ice skating and one for roller skating, and on the second floor there’s a balcony that goes around the edge of both of them.  Plus they’ve got the best arcade games in town since they merged with Litwak’s old arcade; that’s usually what I’m here for.  Sometimes I roller blade too, if I feel like it.

We pool all our munny with Aqua since she gets an employee discount, and she pays for our skate rentals.  When the girl at the counter asks what size I wear, I laugh, not paying attention to the annoyed “hurry-up-ugh-stop-wasting-my-time” look she gives me.

“I’ve never ice skated before.”

“Really?  Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”  Xion asks, unzipping her boots.

“It… uh… didn’t really seem important until now…”

The ice skate-girl rolls her eyes, drumming her neon-painted fingernails loudly on the counter.  “Do you want the skates or not?”

I tell her my shoe size and she shoves a pair the next size up at me.  She turns to the next customer before I can complain, but Xion and Aqua explain that the particular brand runs a size too big, and I’ll be glad for the extra room, especially around my ankles.  They’re right.

“These things are worse than bowling shoes…”  I mutter, sitting down to lace them up.  Xion and Aqua already have theirs on and are leaning on the bench but standing up.  How are we supposed to walk the few feet to the actual rink in these?

“I know what you mean,” Terra agrees.

Sora shrugs.  “They’re not so bad.”

Kairi looks down at his feet and makes a noise halfway between a laugh and an exasperated sigh.  “That’s because yours are, like, three sizes too big!”

“Nah, it’s more like four,” I say with mock seriousness.

“I always wear shoes this big,” Sora pouts.

I look over at Xion’s skates while Kairi comforts him girlishly.  “Why don’t yours go up as far as ours?”

“These are better than the rentals,” she explains.  “It’s easier spin and do other tricks when you can move your ankles.”

“You know tricks?”  I raise an eyebrow curiously.  Xion never told me she was good at ice skating.  She mentioned going with her family a few times, but I thought it was just a casual thing.

“Aqua taught me a few,” she replies, looking pleased with herself.   That makes sense; Aqua’s a part-time ice skating instructor.  Why wouldn’t she show her sister some moves?

“She’s the best,” Terra adds with a grin.

Aqua blushes.  “There are plenty of others better than me…”

Terra snorts.  “Name one.”

“There’s… um… well there’s Casey…”

“Casey Carlyle?  That’s just one person, not _plenty,”_ Terra says, smiling and squeezing her hand.  “You don’t have to be so modest.”

I ignore them and turn back to Xion.  “How hard is ice skating, anyway?”

“You’d be surprised.”  She smiles adorably.  At first Imaginary-Saïx’s scowl rears its ugly head for the first time in a while and I try to push Xion’s smile out of my mind, but we’re on a date and Saïx’s isn’t looking over our shoulders, and she _is_ cute and nobody’s going to stop me from liking her.  So I tell imaginary-Saïx to turn off his glare-daggers.

“I get to teach you something for once,” she adds, and I smile back.

“Who knows, maybe I’ll be a natural.”

Terra laughs.  “I don’t know _any_ guys who’re naturals at ice skating.”

“Saïx is,” Xion says.  I’m not surprised; Saïx has lots of talents I’d never expect.  Like singing.  But I am kinda surprised I didn’t find out about it sooner.

“Ice skating’s not just for girls,” Aqua adds, rolling her eyes.  “Stereotypical Terra…”

“What about you?”  I ask him, bailing him out of his girlfriend’s lecture on sexism.  “You a good skater?”

He shrugs.  “Aqua’s brought me and Ven a few times, but I’m no expert.”

I know Kairi’s been here at least once with her friends, so that leaves me and possibly Sora as the only ones with absolutely no clue what we’re getting into.  Much as I pretend otherwise, I’m a little nervous I’ll fall on my face and look like an idiot in front of Xion.

“Is everyone ready?”  Aqua asks.  We’ve been sitting around with our skates on for a while, adding to the noise and chaos of the packed room, but I don’t mind.

Sora grumbles, “Hang on a sec…”  He’s still wrestling with his laces, so I guess we weren’t just standing around for no reason.

“Sora, you doof…”  Kairi smiles and helps him untangle a knot even bigger and tanglier than those you get in your headphones after leaving them in your pocket for two days.

When they’re done, we all stand up and awkwardly hobble (Xion shows me how) through the masses of hyper children, exasperated adults, and other couples like us to the rink’s actual entrance.  Sora falls on top of Kairi, who was trying to steady him, before we’re even on the ice.  Aqua and Xion help them up while Terra and I stand back, nearly falling over ourselves in laughter.  Kairi sticks her tongue out at me.

“Some gentleman _you_ are, leaving the girls to give us a hand.”

Terra and I glance at each other sheepishly.

“Sometimes you’re such a boy,” Aqua teases him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I chuckle and shake my head.   “Sometimes I wonder if they actually like each other.”

“They do,” Xion assures me.  We lean on each other as we hobble to the entrance.

“How d’ya figure?”

She smiles, then looks away.  “Girl’s instinct.”

Aqua and Terra lead the way onto the ice, Kairi and Sora bring up the rear, and Xion and I are sandwiched in between them.  Time to see if I’m an epic fail at this.

“You’re not nervous, are you?”  Xion asks suddenly.

“Me?  Of course not.”  I laugh, but my throat’s dry.

“Oh…” She looks away again, and I wonder if she wasn’t talking about ice skating.

Aqua glides like she’s weightless when her skates touch the rink.  Terra wobbles, but he keeps his balance.  Xion is practically a fairy; how can she make balancing on knife-shoes look so effortless?

_C’mon, Axel, don’t be a wimp,_ I tell myself.  _It’ll be easy.  Just pretend you’re rollerblading._ I put on a confident smile.

And then my feet fly out from under me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Axel abuse is one of my favorite ways to begin and end chapters, in case you haven’t noticed from any of my other fics. ^^;
> 
> I feel like Sora should’ve talked a lot more, but everyone else wanted to talk more than him. :/ Probably because I don’t write Sora that much.
> 
> Casey Carlyle is a reference to the non-animated Disney movie, “Ice Princess.” The random girl at the ice skate booth was just an OC I added for fun.


	9. Girl Problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vanitas's POV.

Saïx is weird.  He keeps the floor in his car really clean.  I guess it’s okay that he’s a neat freak though ‘cause it would stink to hide on the floor of a gross car like the Rainsmell.

Saïx also has really good ears, so even though I’m an awesome ninja I half-expect him to catch me.  He must like the tan girl with all the hair a lot if she can distract him so good.

Saïx isn’t supposed to like girls.  He’s supposed to stay and watch Power Rangers with me while Xion and Aqua do girly stuff like go on dates.  But I guess girls have to have guys to go with them, so does that make dates not girly?  I don’t get it.

I can’t really blame Saïx, though.  The girl smells like flowers and she’s almost as pretty as Aqua.  She talks a lot, but Saïx doesn’t.  Sometimes she sings with the radio, and she sounds even prettier than him.

But eventually I get bored.  It’s annoying lying down here.  Every bump in the road makes me hit my head on the floor, and I can’t complain or yell or anything ‘cause Saïx would hear me.  I let Flood out of my pocket so he can crawl around, but he doesn’t like it.  He trips every time we hit a bump.  It’s funny but I can’t laugh or Saïx’ll hear me.

I cup Flood in my hands and set him gently on my chest, stroking him with my fingers.  He’s the coolest hamster ever, even though he glares at me and nibbles on my fingers sometimes.  Uncle Xehanort made him magic so he won’t die even though Saïx said he should be dead already.  I bet that’s why he’s blue, too. 

Flood curls up on my chest and falls asleep, and I’m bored again.  Saïx and the pretty girl don’t talk about anything interesting, or at least not anything I can understand.  It would probably be boring if I could understand it, anyway.  Something about Signs and Sea-Can’ts and Angels and Trig-Nom-Tree.  And numbers.  I hate math.

It’s better when the pretty girl starts singing again and it’s –

_“When you walk away, you don’t hear me say…”_

WAIT I KNOW THIS SONG.

_“Please, oh baby, don’t go…”_

It’s Simple and Clean!  Aqua loves this song, even though she likes the Japanese version better.  She used to sing it to me as a lullaby.

_“…You smiled at me, and said, don’t get me wrong I love you, but does that mean I have to meet your father?  When we are older you’ll understand…”_

…The pretty girl sings it better.  It’s not fair; Aqua’s supposed to be the best at everything.  I don’t like the pretty girl anymore.

“My sister’s still better than you,” I mutter, forgetting to be silent like a ninja.  I can practically hear Saïx stiffen, but I press close to the back of his seat.  When he glances back he doesn’t see me.

_“That was a close one, Flood,”_ I tell him with my mind.

_“Shut up, I’m sleeping,”_ he mind-says back.  That’s another cool thing he can do ‘cause he’s magic.

I frown.  _“Don’t tell me to shut up, I’m your Master.”_

_“Then don’t interrupt my nap.”_

_“We’re on a special undercover mission.  Nap later.”_

Flood clicks his teeth like he always does when he’s mad, but he stays awake and paces in circles on my chest.

_“Get on my hand and I’ll hold you so you can see them,”_ I tell him.  I can only see half of the back of the pretty girl’s head from my spot behind Saïx’s seat.

_“Siiiigh,”_ he complains.  _“You can hear them, can’t you?”_

Flood’s really cool, but his attitude can get annoying.  _“They stopped talking.  I want to know what they’re doing now.”_

_“X-Face is driving.  Ooh, so interesting.”_

_“Be a good minion and_ shut up,” I order, grabbing him and holding him up just high enough to see the pretty girl.  Saïx probably isn’t doing anything interesting, but she might be.

Soon Flood’s blurry, black-and-white vision flickers behind my eyes.  I tried to get glasses for him before, but nobody makes glasses so small.  Or even contacts.  Flood looks at me for a second, and it’s weird seeing myself through his broken eyes.  I look like an old glitchy TV character.  So does the pretty girl, when I make Flood look back at her.

Her smile is the first thing he sees, a brighter spot in the middle of the muddy greys.  I have to pull him farther back to see the rest of her, including her arms and hands – which are –

I almost drop Flood.  _“He’s letting her play with his hair!?”_

_“Looks like it,”_ he replies, sounding bored.  How can he be bored?  This is the most interesting thing that’s happened to Saïx since Xion gave him a makeover while he was sleeping.

_“Why’s he letting her do that?”_ I wonder.  I sit up as far as I can so I can see them in full color with my own eyes. She’s braiding a few strands so they look girly.  Saïx hates looking girly.

_“Don’t ask me; I’m not telepathic with everyone.”_

_“Well, what are we going to do about it?”_

_“We_ could _just take a nap and let them do whatever they want.”_

_“You’re no fun.”_  But I can’t do anything, really, ‘cause Saïx would see me and I’d get in so much trouble he’d snap my Power Rangers movies for real this time.   Stupid Saïx.

_“Stop squeezing me,”_ Flood complains.  Whoops.  I relax my grip and he nips at my finger, so I hiss at him.  Yeah, the pretty girl must be keeping him _really_ distracted, or else he’s focusing hard on the road.  But he slams on his brakes instead of being all careful when we have to stop, so I bet it’s the first one.

“You could be a little more graceful,” the pretty girl teases.

“If you would stop touching my hair-” Saïx finally snaps.

_“Go Saï!  Tell her she can’t treat you like one of Xion’s ponies!”_ I mentally cheer.

I can’t read the pretty girl’s facial expression through Flood’s distorted vision, and I still can’t see her face from my angle.  “So I’m bothering you?”

“Yes.  No.”  Saïx is all stiff and straight like he’s frustrated.  I’d help him if I wouldn’t get in trouble for it.  He sighs and says, “…It doesn’t feel bad.  It simply makes it more… difficult to concentrate,” he ends in a mumble.  I guess he’s just trying not to make her feel bad, ‘cause there’s no way he could actually _like_ her touching his hair.  But he normally doesn’t care about feelings, either.

“Well we can’t have that, now can we.”  The pretty girl sounds like she’s smiling.  She leaves Saïx’s hair alone.  I lower Flood back onto my stomach.

_“Do I get an extra treat for that?”_ He asks.

Well he _was_ good, and he was quiet, and he didn’t get distracted by anything shiny.  _“Sure, one of those yogurt ones.”_

_“Two?”_ He twitches his nose hopefully.

_“Fine, two.  But that’s it.”_ Can’t have my minion thinking he can boss me around.

_“Yay.”_ Flood curls back up and goes to sleep, and I stroke his back.  Saïx and the pretty girl are being boring again, and I kind of want to sleep too, but then we finally stop and Saïx turns off the car.

I shake Flood to wake him up.  _“Quick!  They’re getting out!”_

There isn’t really a rush – we have to stay perfectly still until they get all the way out and lock the doors, then we have to unlock the door and sneak out.  I almost forget to lock the door back, but Flood reminds me, and we get out without Saïx and the pretty girl seeing us.  They’re already halfway across the parking lot, holding hands.  No fair.

I slip Flood into my coat pocket and tail them like a ninja, sneaking behind parked cars and tip-toe running whenever I have to cross open pavement.  They’re talking, but I’m too far away to hear.  Well, it’s mostly just the pretty girl talking; Saïx keeps glancing around like maybe he knows I’m here, but no, he doesn’t; I’m a ninja and he can’t find me.

I crouch behind a trash can until they walk through the big doors, but there are so many people going in too; how do I keep track of Saïx and the pretty girl?  At least the crowd’s so big I can blend in and nobody notices.  I step to the side once I get through the doors…  So many people… big people… I’m not scared of them, I’m not gonna get lost, I’m not…

There!  Blue hair, over by the place where a girl gives you ice skates.  I shove my way through people’s legs – being small can be useful sometimes – and almost catch up to them –

“Hold it, mister.”  A hand grabs the hood of my jacket, which chokes me when I try to keep running.  “Where do you think you’re going?”

Busted.  By the ice-skate girl.  Her fingernails are long and pointy and too close to my neck.

“…Skating,” I say boldly as I can.

“Not without a pass, skates, and a guardian you’re not.”  She puts her hands on her hips, so she’s not choking me anymore, but she has a stare like Aqua’s.  Except hers is mean and cold and not even a little bit forgiving.  I gulp.

“I do have all that stuff,” I lie smoothly, relaxing my face.  “My brother’s already in there with it.”

“Yeah?”  She smirks, not falling for it.  “Tell me his name and I’ll go get him for you.”

Doesn’t she have butter stuff to do than torment me?  There’s a line of impatient people wanting their skates, but unfortunately a guy with a Mohawk the color of barf takes her spot behind the counter and starts asking for their shoe sizes.

I can’t tell the girl about Saïx or she’ll get him and I’ll get in trouble.  I look down at my feet and mutter something nasty.  The girl’s glare gets meaner.

“Where are your parents, kid?  Do you need an escort out?”

“I’m not a kid!”  I yell before kicking her shin and sprinting back the way I came, stepping on people’s feet.  She yelps a word that Father would’ve soaped her mouth for, but it doesn’t help her catch me.  She’s too big and not ninja enough to disappear like I can.  Still, I don’t stop to catch my breath until I’m back at the entrance where all the arcade games are.

_“What was that all about?”_ Flood asks from my pocket.

“Grown-ups being stupid,” I answer out loud.

I look around the arcade; there are mostly big kids like Saïx and Xion.  For a second I think I see her, but it’s another girl with black hair annoyed at failing at a new shooting game while a brown-haired guy with a scar like half of Saïx’s rolls his eyes at her.  Her shorts are way shorter than Xion would ever wear, anyway.

I wish Xion and Aqua were here, but they’re ice skating with their boyfriends, like Saïx and the pretty girl.  It’s not fair.  Why do they love other people more than me?

Too bad I don’t have any money to play the shooting game, or I’d take out my anger on that.  _Sugar Rush_ has an extra credit flashing on the screen, though, so I guess somebody accidentally used two quarters and didn’t notice.  It’s a girly racing game, but it’s not much different from Rumble Racing, and nobody’s going to see me.

I pick King Candy (the only guy option) and blow past the girly karts on the screen, feeling somewhat appeased when I shoot an ice cream cone at Taffyta Muttonfudge and she skids off the track into a pool of chocolate.  I’m passing the karts in third, second, first place—

Something lands in my lap, and I yelp and let go of the steering wheel, my kart plunging off a candy cane-striped ramp and into a giant marshmallow.

“What the – a _bunny?”_ It hops down on the other side and scampers off, tripping over its feet.  Stupid rabbit, now I’m in last place!  “You’re gonna pay for that!”

Forgetting about the game, I jump out of the chair and chase down the white bunny, shoving bigger kids out of the way.

“Hey, watch it!”  The black-haired girl yells, but I’m busy trying not to trip as I sprint up the stairs the rabbit is jumping up.

At the top of the steps, it finally gets winded and flops itself on the edge of one of the stairs.

“Gotcha!”  I tackle it, wrapping it tightly in my arms so it can’t escape even though it’s wriggling all over the place.  Flood sticks his head out of my pocket to see the commotion and gets kicked in the face.

_“Stop moving, you ugly rodent-wannabe!”_ Flood yells, chattering furiously.  He and the rabbit are making so much noise I don’t notice the little girl coming up the stairs until she’s right behind me.

“Oh!  You found him!”

I nearly drop the rabbit in surprise, but the girl does me the favor of taking the thing away.  It doesn’t stay still for her, either; its tiny claws are scratching at her blue dress.  Why is she wearing a dress?  It’s not Sunday.

_“Behave,_ Whitey,” she chides it, stroking its ears.  Flood takes the risk of crawling out of my pocket, and I let him sit on my hand.

“Whitey?  What kind of name is that?”  I scoff.

“He’s white,” the girl says, like that’s a good enough excuse.

“I’d name him something cool.  Something like…”  I look at the rabbit’s sharp teeth.  “Razor.”

“Razor?”  She squints weirdly and scrunches up her nose like something smells bad.  I bet it’s the rabbit.  “That’s a curious name.”

“No, _Whitey’s_ a… _curious_ name.  I always come up with awesome names,” I say, taking Flood out of my pocket and scratching behind his tiny ears.  “This guy’s name is Flood ‘cause he’s strong as a ton of water.”  I never forget how strong water is.  That’s why Aqua’s named for it.

“…He’s blue.”  The girl stares at him.

_“Thank you, Captain Obvious,”_ Flood deadpans.

“Yeah, and your dress is blue too.  So?”

“Hamsters can’t be blue.”  Who does she think she is, a hamster expert?  I bet she’s never talked to a hamster in her whole life.

“They can, ‘cause he is.”  I smirk and cross my arms, putting Flood on top of them.

“You’re very curious,” she decides, holding her violent rabbit in a crushing grip and taking a step back.  “Do you know a man with a large hat?”

“Uh, it’s winter.  Tons of people wear big hats.”

“No, not a winter hat, a fancy hat.  A top hat.”

Pfft, this girl really is crazy.  “Hey, what’s your name?”  I ask, realizing I’m tired of keeping track of three people I’ve just dubbed as ‘girl’s.  First Pretty Girl, then the ice skate-girl, and now this… curious girl.

“Alice.  May I know yours?”

“Vanitas.”  Then I add, “Not Van, not Vani, _Vanitas.”_ Might as well clear that up now.

“Vanitas.”  Her mouth puckers when she says it.  “You even have a curious name.”

“You must really like that word,” I grumble.  She probably likes using big words to sound smart, like Saïx.

“It’s a very—”

I don’t know what she’s about to say, because Razor (I refuse to call him “Whitey”) finally kicks and scratches his way out of Alice’s grip.

“Oh!”  She gasps girlishly.  “Whitey!  Come back!”

“He’s not gonna listen to you,” I tell her, petting Flood’s back to smooth his ruffled fur.  _“Hey, calm down.  I won’t let that ugly rabbit get you.”_

_“Stupid, evil creature…”_ Flood shudders.  I slip him safely into my pocket.

“Will you help me find him?”  Alice asks me.

“Pfft, no way.”  I glance down the empty hall in the direction Razor went, towards the balcony where you can look over the ice rink.  I might be able to see Saïx and Aqua and Xion from there, but I don’t want to run into that rabbit again.

“Well you’re rude.”  Alice sniffs.  “Fine, I’ll find him on my own.”  She walks off, calling for Whitey.  I wish I’d asked her why she’s chasing that rabbit anyway, but I’m already back down the stairs before I think about it.

I wasn’t gone long, but there’s already a new mix of people in the arcade.  The black-haired girl and the scarred guy are gone, and so are a lot of other kids.  That makes a smaller group to hide in if the skate-girl comes back, but there’s also less people taking up the games.

Even though I know I don’t have money, I check out the shooting game again – Hero’s Duty – which looks really epic but it takes a ton of quarters.  Like, eight.  I’d have to clean my room for a month to make that much.  Where are all the cheap games?

There’s one shoved up against the wall in a row with some other old games, but this one looks older than everything except Pac Man and maybe Donkey Kong.  It’s definitely the dustiest game in the arcade.  I blow off a layer, and the girl playing the Pac Man machine next to me coughs loudly and glares before pulling out her inhaler.  I stick my tongue out at her and she rolls her eyes.

Ignoring her, I turn back to the ancient arcade game.  The words _Fix-It-Felix Jr._ flash on the title screen along with two pixelated guys, a giant one and a tiny one.  The huge one’s pounding a building to dust while the little one hammers stuff back together.  I guess that’s Fix-it-Felix Jr., but if he’s the junior I wonder how old the game with Fix-it-Felix Senior is.

The game looks ridiculously boring if I have to play as that Felix guy.  The other guy looks pretty cool, kinda like Donkey Kong.  Wonder what his name is.  Probably Break-it-Bob or something dumb like that.

_“Let me out of here, I’m bored,”_ Flood complains from my pocket.  I pull him out and cup him in my hands. 

_“Help me find some quarters,”_ I think at him.  People drop quarters behind the machines all the time.  My super-awesome-buff arms are too big to fit between (most of) the games, but Flood can get back there easy.

_“Whatever you say, Boss.”_ I can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic in his mind-voice.

_“Master,”_ I correct him because it sounds cooler, and I set him down under the Whack-a-Mole.  _“See anything?”_

_“Give me a minute; I’m practically blind,”_ he snaps back.  His fuzzy static-vision is actually better in the dark, but that’s not saying much.  I can’t see anything until he gets really close.  He has to rely on his senses of touch and smell.  Can he smell quarters?

_“Yes.  They smell gross,”_ Flood answers, nudging one of said coins with his tiny paw.

_“Bring it back anyway,”_ I order, grinning happily.  That’s a whole race on Sugar Rush, or one-eighth of a Hero’s Duty credit.

“Hey weirdo!”

“What the-” I look up and see a little girl swinging her legs off one of Sugar Rush’s bright pink seats.  “Beat it, I’m busy.”  I don’t want another crazy girl wasting my time.

“Why are you down there on the floor?”  Her voice is annoying.

“None of your business,” I reply, trying to reach far enough under the Whack-a-Mole to take the quarter from Flood.  He gets tired if he has to push it for too long.

“Drop something?”

“No,” I snap, “I’m not a klutz.”

“What’s with your hair?”  She hops down and tugs one of my black spikes before I can shove her away.

“Don’t touch me!”  I style my hair back into place and stretch my arm back under the machine, groping for Flood without looking.  I keep my eyes on the little girl – seriously, why do I keep meeting so many girls today?  I wonder if this girl with the dirty black hair and green hoodie will be even more annoying than the first three.

“Can’t help it,” she shrugged, “it’s calling to me, like ‘touch me, Vanellope!  I’m pointy and black and silky!’ like a cat’s tail or something.”

And I thought Alice was weird.  Maybe I should’ve helped her find that rabbit.

“Don’t you have someone else to annoy?”  I growl.  “Dad, brother, sisters, anyone?”

Vanellope – I’ll admit she does have a cool name – puts her hands in her pockets.  “Eh, Ralph’s off doing Big Kid stuff in the roller rink.  What about you?  Why’s a spiky-haired Cootie Catcher digging for dust bunnies?”

“Girls have cooties,” I inform her.  “And I’m not looking for dust bunnies, I’m looking for a quarter.”

Flood finally climbs into my palm, and I can get out of my uncomfortable position.  When I stand up, I tower over Vanellope by about two whole inches.  Which apparently isn’t intimidating enough to keep her from saying, “Hey, you said you didn’t drop anything.”

“I didn’t.”  I climb into one of the Sugar Rush seats.  I’m not in the mood to look for seven more quarters, and from Flood’s sneezing, neither does he.

_“Evil bunnies… White bunnies, dust bunnies…”_

“Well _I_ dropped something.”  Vanellope hops up and snatches both the quarter and Flood from my hand.

“Hey!” I shout and lunge at her, but she skips back quickly.  _I’m_ the fastest; she won’t get away from me!

_“Ack!  Help me, Boss!  Master!  Supreme evil overlord guy who feeds me!”_

“Huh?”  Vanellope opens her midget hand, which Flood is somehow small enough to fit in.

“Give him back!”  I demand.  “Keep the stupid quarter or whatever, but give him back.  _Now.”_

Ugh, my super-death-glare doesn’t work if she won’t _look_ at it.  Instead she’s busy looking at Flood and getting her cooties all over him.

“Aww, he’s cute.”  She pets his back.  “And blue.”

_“I hate you, dirty-hair girl,”_ Flood growls, following it with a stream of curses that Vanellope should be glad she can’t hear.

“He hates you,” I tell her.  “I hate you too.”

“How do you know?”  Either she’s ignoring my last comment, or she doubts my ability to understand my own feelings.  Either way she’s dumb.

“He told me, duh.”

She crinkles one eyebrow and raises the other.  “Whatever, Captain Cheesebreath.”

Flood continues cursing as I snap, “My breath doesn’t smell like cheese,” and snatch him back.

“You’re right.  More like Captain… huh.  I can’t quite get my nose on it, something like vomit and moldy carpet and…”  She takes a few deep sniffs, her tiny nostrils flaring.  I wish I had two pencils to shove up them.  “Wild rabbit.  Definitely wild rabbit, probably with rabies.  What kind of moron are you, eating stuff with rabies?  Does your blue pet have rabies too?”

She jumps back up into the Sugar Rush seat like she’s scared of me and Flood, but she’s grinning.  Teasing us.

_“You want me to teach her a lesson, Boss?”_

I sigh and roll my eyes.  _“You were squealing for help earlier.  You wanna try that again?”_

_“Uhhh…”_

_“Ugh, useless minion…”_

Vanellope stares.  Are her eyes always that big?  Or is she just trying to look cute so I underestimate her, like some of the little girls Aqua trains at the dojo?

“What’re you looking at?”  I challenge.

“You talking to the voices in your head?”

I’m done with this girl – done with girls in general, actually.  Which reminds me, I should be finding a way to sneak into the ice rink to spy on my sisters and Saïx’s pretty girl.  The girl who kicked me out probably forgot about me by now.

I gently place Flood in my coat pocket, not wanting to put him through any more stress right now.  He may be annoying sometimes, but he’s the only minion I’ve got.  For now, anyway.

“I’m outta here,” I tell Vanellope, already walking away.  Maybe if I crouch and press myself right against the counter the girl won’t see me…

“Hey, wait up!”

Like I needed to.  Vanellope practically teleports in front of me.

“Don’t follow me.”  The last thing I need is some girl getting in the way of my Stealth-Ninja Operations.

“Where are you going?”

“None of your business, loser.”

“It’s not like I’m going to _tell_ any-”

She stops, just like that, like somebody pressed pause.  Then it’s like she’s in fast-forward, spazzing worse than Flood when I feed him candy.

“Cut it out,” I order her.  Her eyes are wide, her mouth open like she’s trying to scream.  “I said cut it out!”

What’s _wrong_ with her?  She’s starting to freak me out…

“Vanellope!”  I yell, squeezing her spazzing shoulders.

I hadn’t noticed the stares fixing on us from around the arcade, but most are useless teenagers who go right back to playing their games.  I wish Aqua was here.  Or even Saïx or Xion.  They’d know what to do.

But my luck makes things even worse – here comes the ice-skate girl, her vicious glare pinning me in place like this is _my_ fault.

“Come on!”  I yell at Vanellope.  She’s still immobilized by her spaz-thing.  Fear makes my adrenaline kick in, and I pick her up with both my arms and awkwardly run towards the balcony stairs.  “We can make it… come on, we can make it…!”

We can’t make it.  I may be strong and fast and awesome, but Vanellope’s slowing me down.

Suddenly her eyes close, and the breath is shoved out of my lungs like someone bear-hugged me.  We’re at the top of the stairs.  Alone.  How…?

I drop her on the floor.  She’s stopped spazzing, but now she’s gasping for breath, curled up like a cocoon.

“That… wasn’t s’posed to happen,” she gasps.

“No duh.”  I breathing heavy too, still coming off my adrenaline rush.  “What _happened?”_

“…Not your beeswax.”  She glares.  I sit down and cross my arms.

“I saved you from the ice-skate girl.  You owe me.”

“I saved _you,_ General Gassypants.”

She must be fine, if she’s insulting me again.  Not that I was worried in the first place.  “Look, my name’s _Vani—_ wait, what do you mean you saved me?”

“How d’you think we got up here?”  She smirks, but it fades to a grimace of pain.

“You mean you… _you_ made us teleport?”

“Comes with the seizures.  Sometimes.”  She shrugs.  “All part of the joys of being me.”

She sprawls out on the white tiled ground like she’s about to start making snow angels.  Only people usually look happy when they’re making snow angels.

“Sounds pretty cool to me.  Like a superpower,” I say.

She laughs, but not in a funny way.  More like a ‘life-is-a-sick-joke’ way.  “Yeah, but superpowers aren’t supposed to hurt.”

I stand up.  “Walk it off.  That girl’s still gonna come for us.  We gotta get out of here.”

Vanellope glares.  _“Now_ you want me to come with you?”

“No,” I retort.  “But you might be useful.”

“Hmph.   Forget it.”

She looks weak and useless, lying like that.  Suddenly I wish she was being annoying again.

Siiigh.  Why won’t girls just do what I want when I want them to?  I guess there’s probably just one way to get her to help me… “Forget what I said.  I do want you to come with me, and not just so you can spaz out again.”

She frowns.  “Why?”

“ ‘Cause you want to spy on your brother, right?”

I pull her to her feet, and she raises her eyebrows.

“How do you know that?”

“Great minds think alike.”  I shrug.  “I’m gonna find a way to break into the rink.  Wanna be my sidekick?”

She frowns.  “Not _sidekick._ We can be _partners.”_

“Sidekicks, partners, whatever,” I huff.  Long as I’m in charge I don’t care.  “You in?”

A smile sweeps away her frown.  “Sure, why not?”

Flood feels the need to interject at that moment, _“As long as she doesn’t touch me.”_

_“If everything works out, nobody will be touching anybody,”_ I reply.

The pretty girl won’t be touching Saïx, and Axel won’t be touching Xion, and Terra especially won’t be touching Aqua.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While this is mostly a modern AU, Flood being sentient and Vanellope's "glitch" powers are some fantasy elements that decided to sneak in. There may be more small details like those, but if there are, they should only be in the spin-off series Between the Cracks.
> 
> Vanellope/Fix-it-Felix/Sugar Rush/Hero’s Duty are all from the movie Wreck-it-Ralph if that wasn’t obvious enough. 
> 
> Yuffie and Leon were the two teenagers hanging around/playing Hero’s Duty when Vanitas first sees it.
> 
> There’s a bit of a pun with Vanitas’s name for Alice’s rabbit, but I’m not sure how obvious it is. "Razor" is supposed to be kind of like "Hairraiser"/"Hairrazor" Unversed in addition to being like the White Rabbit.
> 
> Eraqus doesn’t believe in allowance, but paying Vanitas is basically the only way to get him to do things since negative reinforcement stopped working so long ago. *sweatdrop* He doesn’t get paid much at all, though.
> 
> I was not implying any romantic pairings with Vanitas in this chapter, unless you count his strange sister-crush on Aqua. *sweatdrop*


	10. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Xion's POV.

When I see Axel sprawled flat on the ice, I laugh an honest, normal laugh, and all the earlier tension in my chest evaporates.  This is how it should be, even if it’s not exactly as romantic as I’d fantasized.

“Some friend _you_ are…” Axel mutters, looking like a fish out of water when he tries to get back on his feet.

“No, this is exactly what friends are for,” Terra says through a grin.  “To laugh at you when you do something slightly stupid, join you for stuff that’s pretty stupid, and smack you upside the head before you do something _really_ stupid.”

Aqua smiles slyly.  “Guess how many times Terra’s been smacked upside the head.”

“Not as much as he deserves,” Axel says with his usual wit, which hasn’t been hindered by falling flat on his butt.

“Oi, very funny,” Terra mutters while the rest of us laugh at his expense.

“Now really, how do I get up?  Looks like some people are getting impatient.”

Sure enough, some of the ice skaters passing by are rolling their eyes or shooting us dirty looks, like none of them have ever fallen down before.

“Don’t worry about them,” I tell Axel, extending a hand.

“Yeah, well I don’t want to sit down here all night anyway,” he replies, taking my hand.  I hadn’t thought anything of my gesture at first, but now I feel that warm electric jolt that makes everything look brighter and would’ve given me goosebumps, if I didn’t already have them.

With a quick grin, Axel jerks his arm down and I let out an extremely dignified squeak as I land on the cold ice next to him.

“Axel,” Aqua says warningly, but Terra’s laughter doesn’t help, and neither does the fact that Kairi’s taking pictures with her phone.

“Kairiiii…” I moan, knowing it’s far too late to stop the pictures of me and Axel looking like dorks from popping up on every social networking site ever.

Axel opens his mouth like he was going to defend himself but instead mumbles an embarrassed, “Sorry, Xi….”  In the end Terra and Aqua pull the two of us to our feet.  I manage to keep my balance, but Axel clings to the rail that rims the ice rink like it’s a life preserver.  It’s adorable and funny at the same time, and I wish he weren’t holding on with both hands so I could hold one.  Not that I would necessarily be able to even if he let go.

“It’s like I’m trying to walk on knife shoes,” he says, lips drooping into a pout as he tries to make both feet move in the same direction.

I giggle at both his description and his expression.  “You know how to rollerblade, right?”

“Yeah, I thought that might help, but it doesn’t look like it’s doing any good.”

“Try sliding more than picking up your feet.  That’s what Aqua always told me.”  I never learned how to rollerblade, though Roxas did try to teach me how to skateboard once, something that never should have been attempted and never will be attempted again.

“That works better when you have _wheels,”_ Axel says, looking around.  “Where is Aqua, anyway?”

I glance around but don’t see her, either, just clusters of other people ahead of us.  A little ways behind us Kairi’s trying to teach Sora how not to flail his arms around like a headless chicken when he skates.

“I guess she and Terra got ahead of us.”  I shrug.  It’s not like I don’t love my sister, but I’m sure she’d agree it’s easier on both of us if we have a little privacy.

“Bet you’d be up there with them if I wasn’t slowing us down.”  Axel glares at his disobedient feet.

“Don’t worry about it, really,” I say honestly.  “We don’t have to be in their personal space all night.”

He chuckles.  “Heh, that wouldn’t end well for any of us.”

I could probably spend the whole night trying to figure out if he meant anything by that, but I should know by now not to overanalyze every little thing.  It’s a habit I probably picked up from Saïx.  I bet it’s part of why he’s so grumpy all the time, too.  Just enjoy this and don’t worry so much, since it might not happen again…

“Are you cold now?”  Axel grins.  It takes me a minute to realize he noticed that I just shuddered.  When I don’t reply fast enough he says, “‘Cause if you are it’s okay, I’m hot enough for both of us—” He stops abruptly.  “Warm!  I meant warm, that’s what I meant,” he clarifies frantically, watching the blush I’m sure is forming on my face.  Which, honestly, is more from holding back laughter than embarrassment.  “I wasn’t trying to be a narcissistic idiot and hit on you or anything, I mean, not that you’re not worth hitting on—”

Kairi and Sora skate by at that moment.  “Just shut up before you dig yourself a bigger hole,” his sister calls back to him.

“…Yeah I’m just gonna shut up,” Axel mumbles, his eyes nearly melting a hole in the ice at our feet.

I’m not quite sure how to react to all of that, but I end up giggling.  Actually, giggling is a kind term for the unholy noise coming out of my mouth.  It’s more like hyena-cackling.  I can’t help it, he’s just too cute when he gets embarrassed, and it doesn’t happen often enough.

“Okay, it wasn’t _that_ funny,” Axel grumbles in a hurt-sounding way.  I cough to choke out my remaining hyena-cackles.

“Yeah, it wasn’t,” I mumble more to myself because I still don’t understand.  My laughter is more of an outlet for confusion than anything.  “And um, I am kind of cold, actually,” I say to change the subject.  I hope I’m not imagining how his eyes light up like fireworks. 

“Axel the walking space heater, at your service.” 

Letting go of the rail with one hand, he gingerly lays an arm around my shoulders, almost like he’s afraid to touch me.  Even that light touch is better to me than his warmth, but I can’t shake the feeling that he’ll pull away at any second.  Maybe it’s only a side effect of his unsteady legs, but it feels like we’re dominoes stacked on end and one bump could send us tumbling apart.

That’s not true.  Our friendship is too strong for that.  Why am I being so pessimistic?

Maybe I still can’t believe that after so long, things might actually go right.

Axel’s still shuffling awkwardly along the handrail with me supporting his arm.  It makes me feel like a bad friend, but I still can’t help wanting to laugh at how out of his element he is.  Apparently he can see my struggle.

“You just wanted to bring me out here to laugh at me, didn’t you?”  He accuses lightly.

“You were the one who volunteered to come.”  I smile, and he ruffles his hair sheepishly.

“Heh, you’ve got me there…”

“Come on, let’s get you off of that bar,” I say, starting to angle away from the wall.

“What?  You wanna see me fall on my butt again?”

I laugh.  “No, I want to teach you how to ice skate.  Unless you want to spend the whole night attached to the wall,” I can’t help teasing.

“…Ice skating was a dumb idea for a first date,” he grumbles, but he finally lets go of the bar with his other hand.  I can’t help smiling at how he says _first_ date…  “I’ll try not to land us both on the ice again, but no promises.”

“You’re doing fine, Axel.”  Well, not really, but I wouldn’t tell him that.  It’s taking all my balance to keep us both upright, and people keep passing us from behind.  “It just takes practice.  Try to focus on one point so you can keep your balance.”

“What, just stare at something?”  He asks, cutting gashes in the ice with each step.

“Pretty much.”

He puts on this serious face as he stares unblinkingly at the wall on the opposite side of the rink.  This lasts about ten seconds before he takes a deep breath and trips over his feet.  I barely manage to keep him upright.

“Nope, not feeling it,” he says.  “Maybe if there was something interesting to stare at…”

“Like what?”

A sly smile tweaks his lips.  “Ah, nothing.  You got any other great ideas for me to try?”

“Uh…”  I have to think for a while, remembering the first time I was learning to skate.  Aqua wasn’t an instructor then, but she knew enough to teach me the basics.  And the most important thing she told me was…  “Relax.”

Axel quirks an eyebrow.  “ ‘Scuse me?”

“Relax.”  I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding and grin.  “Like you told me to.”

“Did I, now?”  He stares off in the general direction of the balconies, where it looks like some kids are running around.  It’s so far up it might actually be adults that just look small from here.

“Yes, I do believe you did.”

“Huh.”  His feet stop their awkward shuffling moment, and I slow my smoother glide to stop with him.  When his eyes meet mine, they’re clear with a seriousness I rarely see, not shining with amusement or shielded by… well, I can never really tell.  “I’m not sure you want that.”

“…Why not?”  I ask, even though I’m nervous to hear the answer.

He shakes his head, apparently shaking that expression off his face too.  “I might fall asleep on you or something.”  He laughs.  “Hey, I think the wall misses me.  Can I go back now?”

I roll my eyes, trying not to wonder what he was actually talking about.  “Only if you want me to make fun of you for the rest of forever.”

“You’re too nice for that, Xi.”  He grins, and I practice my advanced art of blush-suppressing.

“Maybe, but they’re not.”  I nod over my shoulder at where Terra and Aqua are finally lapping us, holding hands and being an adorable couple.  Of course, once they get closer, I can clearly see Aqua’s amused-slash-annoyed expression and hear Terra offering several lame pickup lines for her to approve or reject.

“…I doubt many girls other than me will understand that one,” Aqua says in response to one I didn’t quite hear, and Terra smiles.

“No other girls need to understand it.”

Axel interrupts their sweet(ish) moment.  “How have you guys not passed us yet?”

“We did,” Aqua replies, smiling a little slyly.  “We thought you might want some privacy, so we didn’t say anything.”

“…Oh.”

Well, it’s not like we’d really been paying attention…

“Are you having a good time, Xion?”  Aqua asks.

My blush-suppressing skills are useful here, too.  “Yeah, it’s been fun.”  I think I do a decent job of not letting the rainbow-squee into my voice.  Seriously, I’m only going on a date with the guy I’ve crushed on since I was eleven, what does she think?  But I guess it’s just the big-sistery thing to ask.  “What about you?”

“Well, I’ve had to endure about a hundred of Terra’s home-made pickup lines—”

“I was only on number eighty-two!”

“—but I’m doing well.”  She smiles and gives a quick wink, surprising me.  Did something interesting happen that I missed…?  Never mind, I’m not Vanitas.  I’m not going to bother her about things that aren’t my business.  (Not right now, anyway.)

“Hey, there you guys are!”  Sora calls from behind us, still waving his arms like an octopus having seizures and nearly smacking several unamused skaters in the process.  Personally I find it funny, but I don’t know how Kairi can put up with him all the time.  He’s the kind of boy who makes a great best friend, but I can’t picture him ever acting boyfriend-y.  But that’s Kairi’s problem.

“Sora…”  She rolls her eyes, skating faster to catch up with her date.

“I will never understand how she puts up with him,” Axel whispers to me while Sora, Kairi, Terra, and Aqua are talking.

“The same way I put up with you,” I tease.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?!”

I just laugh.  He’s too cute with that childish little pout on his face, and his spikes of hair never recovered from his first fall.  I can’t resist the urge to reach up and try to push them back into a slightly less chaotic formation.  How is his hair still soft even with all that gel?

I pause with my hand still halfway in his hair, and suddenly it feels like everyone’s staring at me, Axel included.  Which wouldn’t be nearly as awkward if I just finished without realizing what I was doing; maybe they would’ve ignored me…

I understand what Axel meant about not relaxing all the way.  When I relax too much I do stupid things like this.

Wait, does that mean _he_ would do stupid things too?

“…I think you missed a spot,” Axel says through a half-grin.  I forget everything I practiced and blush floridly (a word Saïx taught me), and I finish nudging the red spikes into place, dropping my hands as quickly as possible.  I lace my fingers together to fight the temptation to reach up again.

“There.  No more missed spots.”

“Not in _my_ hair, you mean.”  With a gentler touch than I’d expected, he smoothes the more ruffled locks of my hair.  His long, thin fingers are as light in combing my hair as they always are when he plays piano…

Kairi coughs out a comment I don’t quite catch, and Axel’s startled so badly he slips and falls again, ruining my hair-taming effort.  Terra and Sora immediately break into unrestrained laughter, which is only silenced by Axel sweeping their legs out from under them.

It’s kind of pathetic how worried I am about him, already on my knees and asking if he’s alright.  He’s laughing.  At first I think it’s at me, but I realize that Sora and Terra flailing their arms and legs on the ice like they’re trying to make snow angels is the funniest thing I’ve seen all week, and I’m laughing too.  So are Kairi and Aqua, though they’re trying to be more discreet about it, probably so their dates don’t get offended.  I don’t think Axel, Sora, or Terra would’ve noticed; they’re too busy calling each other names and play-wrestling like five-year-olds.  My laugh escalates to some sort of hysterical cackle that can’t possibly sound attractive.  But right now, I don’t care.  I’m actually thinking it would be pretty fun to wrestle with them, like me and Axel and Roxas still like to.

“We better get them up before they get all of us thrown out.”  Aqua’s voice sounds serious as she nods towards some very irritated-looking employees, but she’s still smiling.

“Come on, boys, break it up.”  Kairi claps her hands to get their attention.

“He/they started it!”  Sora and Terra point at Axel while he points back at them.

“They are such boys sometimes…”  Aqua shakes her head in exasperated affection.

I pull Axel to his feet, and Aqua and Kairi help their respective dates.  The employees around the edge of the rink look placated, but they don’t take their eyes off of us.

“Thanks,” Axel says, brushing off his loose vest.  “Heh, don’t guess you’d wanna fix my hair again…?”

I grin.  “There’s not much of a point.  You’ll probably just fall over again.”

“Hey, I’m not _that_ bad…!”

Aqua interrupts before I can tease him any more.  “How about Xion and I show the rest of you some tricks while we’re all together?”

Now’s a good time, it’s not nearly as crowded as it was earlier.  Maybe we scared some people off.

“Ooh, do you know tricks too, Kai?”  Sora asks hyperly.

“A few, but not as many as them.”

“So how come I never knew you’re good at ice skating?”  Axel raises an eyebrow.  I shrug.

“You never asked.”  I probably mentioned going ice skating a couple of times before, but I never made a big deal of it.  It’s something I enjoy, but more of a hobby because Aqua does it than a real talent I work on.

“…Fair enough.  So what kind of tricks can you do?”

That reminds me – I haven’t actually practiced any tricks in a long time.  Probably since the spring, honestly.  I’m not sure I want to perform in front of him now…

I think of a decent distraction – I’ve wanted to tell Axel about one particular skating jump for a while, but the subject never came up.  “Well, it’s not one I can do, but there’s one trick called an Axel.”

He blinks.  “You’re joking, right?”

I laugh.  “Nope.  It’s named after the Axel who made it up.  It’s sort of a backwards midair twirl… I wish I could show you.”

“You mean sometime a long time ago, there was a guy named Axel who was good at ice skating,” Axel says in deadpan disbelief.

“Yep,” I answer.

“I’m not sure if I should be proud or embarrassed…”

Aqua’s already out in the center of the rink showing off for Terra, and Sora and Kairi are watching her too.  She’s carving figure eights into the ice, leaping gracefully, pulling off waltz jumps and Salchows and Lutzes and some other jumps I can’t remember the names of.  She doesn’t try an Axel, though she’s done them before.  Maybe she’s afraid of messing up in front of Terra.  I doubt she would; she looks like a ballet dancer spinning on the tips of her skates.  Someone wolf-whistles from across the rink.

“She’s taken!”  Terra shouts back, making Aqua come to a blushing stop.

“Terra… you didn’t have to draw any more attention…”

“Yeah, don’t feed the trolls,” Axel adds.  “It messes up the whole Troll Ecosystem.”

 “There’s a troll in here?!”  Sora yells way louder than necessary.  Kairi rolls her eyes.

“It’s a figure of speech, silly.”

“Oh.  Is that what Riku meant when he called Xigbar a troll?”

“Probably,” I answer, knowing my cousin to be a troll in every sense of the word.  He and my other cousin Xemnas moved back to Radiant Garden last year, but our families haven’t associated much since the incident where Saïx and Xigbar got their scars.  Father forces us to see them once every year around Christmas – next week actually, ugh – but it almost always ends in disaster.  Last year I honestly thought Aqua was going to give Xigbar another scar…

“Xi?”  Axel says, and I realize I’m spacing.  “You gonna show us your moves now?”

“Huh?”  I reply oh-so-intelligently.

“It’s your turn if you want to show off.”  He smiles.

I don’t get the chance to “show off” very often; Axel and Roxas are usually the ones in the spotlight.  Not that they do it on purpose, but they’re both naturally louder than me and don’t always realize when they hog each other’s attention.  So it’s nice when I get either of them by themselves, even though it’s always great when the three of us are together.

But I don’t want to show off now anyway, not without practicing anything in so long.  I wasn’t prepared to be put on the spot like this…

“I can’t show you anything better than Aqua already did,” I use as an excuse.

“Doesn’t matter to me.”  Axel shrugs.  “I’d like to see what you can do.”

I really am hopeless.  I can’t back down when he’s smiling at me, even though I know I’ll probably make a fool of myself.

Reluctantly I skate out into the middle of the rink, and he claps like I’m about to perform on _Disney on Ice_ or something.  I warm up with some simple figure eights, breathing deeply to try and get rid of my nervousness, which will only make things worse when I’m trying to focus.

I lift my back leg and swing it forward, catching a split second of airtime as I perform a bunny hop and land on the opposite foot I started with.  So far so good.  I twirl a couple of times, because twirls were always easier than jumps for me.  It still feels natural; maybe I’m not as out of practice as I thought.  Then I build up speed again, extending my arms just slightly for balance, and push against the ice with my front foot, propelling myself into the air long enough for a one-eighty degree turn—

Pain crackles through the ankle of the leg I tried to land on, and I collapse, barely managing to hold in a scream.  I was right the first time – I wasn’t prepared to try anything so fancy; I’m so _stupid_ , I was never even that good in the first place, I just wanted Axel to think I was, and look where that got me—

“Xi!”  For someone who just learned to skate today, Axel flies over the ice faster than I thought possible, his scarf whipping like a flag in a gale as he barrels through a cluster of innocent skaters.  “Xi, are you-?”

“I’m fine,” I lie through a grimace.  What am I going to do now?  It’s not a life-threatening injury by a long shot, but it definitely hurts too badly to keep skating, much less try any more tricks… ugh, I must have looked like such a _failure…_

Aqua and Terra and Sora and Kairi were right on Axel’s heels, and now there’s an uncomfortable crowd pressed around me.  I didn’t want _this_ kind of attention…

“Twisted ankle?”  Aqua correctly guesses.  The questioning tone is just a formality; she’s seen this kind of injury plenty of times.  A few of those times from me.

“…Yeah,” I admit.  Sora and Kairi wince sympathetically, even though I’m not sure either of them has twisted an ankle before.  It’s really not that bad – or maybe my embarrassment is so strong it’s shoving the physical pain out of the way.

“That’s not ‘nothing,’ Xi!”

“Axel, you’re overreacting.”  Maybe if I can just get up, shake it off…

_Ha ha, good luck with that,_ my ankle mocks.  Shut up, ankle.

With Axel leaning over her shoulder, Aqua crouches down to inspect the damage.  She pulls the end of my jeans up a little and feels to make sure there’s no swelling.  “It could be worse,” she assesses.  “You didn’t sprain it, but you should still stay off of it.  An ice pack would be useful as well.”

“I think too much ice is the problem,” Axel says.  “C’mon, let’s get you out of this death trap.”  He extends a hand, which I take without hesitation, but I wince when he tries to pull me to my feet.

“I’m fine,” I say before he can ask.  “Sorry…”

“Xi,” he says in exasperation.  “What do you think you have to be sorry for?”

It hurts too much to look at him, knowing I made a fool of myself, feeling him hold me steady like I’m too weak to stand.  Like I’m a little kid again.  I can’t have him thinking of me like that.

So I look somewhere else, anywhere but his sympathetic face.  I must be even more upset than I thought, because I think I see a flash of Saïx’s familiar blue hair before it disappears under a black hood, but there’s a girl holding the boy’s hand and he’s letting her, so there’s no way it’s actually him.  Not that I would put it past Saïx to follow me on my first date, but he wouldn’t bring a random girl.

“Xi?”  Axel still sounds worried, like I got a concussion instead of a twisted ankle.  It would be funny if I didn’t want to melt from embarrassment.

“I’m _fine.”_ It’s my turn to sound exasperated.  “Just thought I saw… someone.”

Together Axel and Terra successfully lift me to my feet, and Axel holds me protectively under his arm, which I can’t say is a bad thing.  Sora and Kairi, once they realize they’re not needed, skate off by themselves.

“So… are we leaving?”  Terra asks.

“No,” I answer quickly, before Aqua or Axel can try to put words in my mouth.  “You guys and Sora and Kairi can keep skating.  Axel and I’ll go play arcade games or something.”  I wasn’t even really invited in the first place; I’d feel horrible if I ruined their first date together.

“Are you sure?”  Aqua asks.  “We could always—”

“Yes, I’m sure.”  She’s really too nice for her own good.

“Arcade games it is.”  Axel grins.  “We’ll see you two when we see ya.”

Aqua looks skeptical; Terra grins back in relief.

“Come on, Aqua.  I still have sixty-eight pick-up lines left.”

Aqua groans.  “Maybe I should’ve twisted _my_ ankle…”

“Hey, I could make a pick-up line about that!”

I relax a little once my sister and her date are gone, but not much.  My ankle still throbs, even with most of my weight supported by Axel and the handrail.

“You gonna need me to carry you?”  Axel asks.

_“No,”_ I snap back too harshly; he was probably only joking. 

His short eyebrows crease in a way I can’t help but find adorable, even when I’m frustrated.  “Let me guess, I did something stupid and didn’t notice.”

I sigh, digging the tip of my useless skate into the ice.  “Of course you didn’t do anything stupid, I just-” My eyes jump to his.  “Wait, why would you even ask that?”

He ruffles his hair, laughing that hollow laugh he does before admitting something he doesn’t want to.  “Well, I make some stupid mistake on just about every date I’ve been on so far.  I was starting to wonder how long it would take tonight… but you said I didn’t?”

His confusion makes me laugh.  “Sorry to disappoint you, but no.  I’m just mad at myself for trying to show off and messing up our date.”  I frown again.  There’s a little dent in the ice where I was picking at it.  Maybe some other girl’s skate will catch on it and she’ll twist her ankle and ruin her date.  I wish I could un-dent it now.

At first it’s so quiet I thought I imagined it, but in a second it’s loud enough to hear even if I were on the other wide of the rink – Axel’s laughing, no, _cackling_ at me.  I guess there _is_ only so long he can without doing something stupid.

“Why are you laughing at me?!”

“No!”  Axel raises his hands in innocence, almost falling backwards in the process.  And he’s _still_ laughing.  “I mean– I’m not laughing at you.  It’s just funny… you actually think you messed anything up?  Xi, maybe you haven’t noticed, but I’d rather be in the arcade than ice skating any day.  Honestly, I don’t even _like_ ice skating.  Not that I’m glad you hurt yourself, I never wanted you to—” He mumbles something under his breath before finishing, “What I meant was, I only wanted to come because you did.”

I stare at him.  I stare at his sheepish grin.  I stare at his explosion of hair, which is still half-smushed from his last fall.  I stare at his bright green eyes, that confusing light in them, but I still can’t let myself believe what I hoped.  “Then… did you have any fun at all tonight?  Or were you just pretending to make me feel better…?

“Xi.”  He braces his arms on the handrail on both sides of me.  His breaths puff out warm and white against the cold air, my cold face.  Does he realize how close he is…?  My heart obviously does, it’s beating faster than Flood runs on his wheel when Vani feeds him sugar.  “Who’s pretending what?  ‘cause I’m just as confused as you are.  Or maybe neither of us is.”

Okay, I thought I was confused earlier, but now I _really_ don’t know what he’s talking about.  Or maybe between the pain in my ankle and his closeness, my brain won’t function properly.  “I don’t get it,” I admit, sounding too much like Roxas.

“That’s what I mean.”  He chuckles softly, looking at the ground.  “Or maybe I just don’t make any sense…”

He’s right – he doesn’t make any sense.  But it’s not just what he said; it’s how he’s acting:  arms tense as they grip the railing, eyes glued to the floor, voice as uncertain as mine.

As mine… Could it possibly be that Axel – my best friend, the one I’ve tried to impress for years, the one I’ve had a crush on for longer than I knew what that meant – could actually be nervous around _me?_

I smile, allowing myself to hope, if only for a few moments.  “No… I think I might have figured it out.”

His hopeful smile mirrors mine, and that’s when I stop breathing.  His arms relax, pulling him closer to me.  I can’t feel my legs, much less any pain my ankle might be trying to distract me with.  He’s leaning in, so slowly I could capture his movements in stop-animation… I’m afraid to look down; my legs must be a puddle of rainbows by now.

Is – is this actually happening?  Is he about to – Is this what I’ve fantasized for as long as I remember—?

I don’t get to find out.


	11. Define Fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saix's POV.

This is a more pleasant experience than I expected.  I’ve glimpsed Axel and Xion a few times, and aside from Axel’s utter lack of ice skating skills, their date appears to be proceeding without difficulties.  And more importantly, without an excessive amount of romance.  That is, as much as I can observe from a distance.  It’s impossible to hear from so far away, especially with the incessant chattering of other couples, friends, and family units crowding the ice rink, and then of course there is Jasmine’s own conversation.  I expected this to be the place where the situation would drift into discomfort, but she can be… amusing, in her own way.

“…I thought nothing of Belle bringing Adam over to study with us, but my father…” She shakes her head with a light chuckle.

“What about your father?”  I ask, attempting to disguise my lack of attention at the beginning of her story.  While not irritating, it’s somewhat difficult to balance between listening to her and keeping an eye on my sister.

“He practically begged poor Adam to date me!”  Her laugh holds an overtone of exasperation.  “And in front of _Belle_ too.”

My mouth twitches into an ironic smile on her behalf.  “And I thought my father was…” ‘Pushy’ isn’t the right word.  Possibly ‘insistent’?

“Ready for you to fall in Love at First Sight and be married in the morning?” 

“No.”  My brow furrows.  This isn’t a conversation I expected to have tonight.  I certainly hope she isn’t planning on marrying _me_ in the morning.  “I think mine would simply like me to… be more social, I suppose.”  I also have the theory that he wants the Knight line to remain intact, and no one is counting on Vanitas for that.  But that is certainly not something I would like to discuss either.

“Lucky.”  Jasmine adjusts Aqua’s jacket on her shoulders – I had let her borrow it on our way out of my house.  I am not a “space heater” like Axel; even if we were to be too physically close, my body heat still wouldn’t be sufficient to keep her warm in that thin sweater.  “I don’t know why my father’s so desperate.  I still have my whole life to find someone.”

“Precisely,” I agree, somewhat stunned at the similarity of our thoughts.  For all the trouble she’s gone through to tease me, is she truly uninterested in a romantic relationship right now?

“Not to dash your hopes,” she adds somewhat ironically.  Her skating pace slows.  “But I’ll be honest, I partially wanted to go out with you to get my father off of my back.”

Oddly enough, I can’t help smiling – frank honesty is something I can appreciate.  Especially when it absolves me of romantic responsibility.  “I understand.”

“Also partially because you’re cute,” she adds with a smirk and a shrug.  Regardless of her intentions, I am not used to receiving compliments, and even less so from girls.  The warmth in my face is purely from confusion.  “And I doubted you would be crazy enough to attempt to propose on the first date.”

Between Axel, Vanitas, and various others who throw out off-the-wall comments, I have learned not to be too fazed by unexpected comments.  This doesn’t always work when it comes to Jasmine, but I’ve adjusted to her enough tonight to, as Axel would say, “roll with it.”

“You are not incorrect about that,” I reply.  “Thank you for your honesty.”  That makes one of us… how would she react if she were aware of my true purpose in brining her here?

She smiles and bumps me with her elbow.  At least it’s on purpose and not because she’s falling, unlike Xion’s experience with Axel so far.  I hadn’t realized my best friend had never been ice skating before – I’ve never gone with anyone outside of my family until today, but it would have saved Xion some trouble if I had. 

“My pleasure, Kitten Eyes.”

“I never gave you permission to call me that.”

“I never asked permission,” she replies teasingly.  I believe I could add that to her list of reasons for going on this date; much like Axel, she seems to enjoy teasing simply for the sake of it.  “But I’ll ask something else – did you have any other reason for going on a date with me?  Or did you really just want to show me how fun you can be?”

“I cannot guess what gave you the impression that I am _fun_ ,” I can’t help accenting the word, simply because no one has ever applied the adjective to me.  Besides, it draws the attention away from her true question.

“Well, I thought you were going to show me.” She twirls on her skates, so she’s skating backwards but facing me.

“Perhaps—”

A burst of upbeat classical music interrupts from my pocket.  Recognizing the riff from “Future Masters,” I answer immediately, hardly taking note of Jasmine’s quiet, disappointed sigh.

“Father?”  He knows I am on a date; he wouldn’t bother me if it were not urgent.  I try not to picture the worst case scenarios.

_“Have you seen Vanitas?”_

The skaters behind nearly crash into me; thankfully, Jasmine pulls me to the edge of the rink and out of their way.

“Is he not with you?”  Why am I surprised?  Father sighs.

_“No, he is not.  I’ve searched the whole house and property.  I will check with Aqua as well before I call the authorities.”_ The unspoken ‘again’ hung at the end of his sentence.

“You haven’t called Aqua yet?”

_“No.  I remember him being here while they left, but it is possible that I’m wrong.”_

I recall the extraneous noises I thought I heard on the drive here.  This really _will_ be a long night.  “I will handle it, Father.”

_“Thank you, Saïx.”_ I can feel the relief in his voice, the weight lifted.  I’ve always thought myself trustworthy, but I realize now how much he relies on that trust.  _“I apologize for the inconvenience.  Truly.”_

“It is not a matter of convenience.  He is my brother, and therefore my responsibility.”  Especially if he stowed away in my car as I suspect. 

_“Just know that your efforts do not go unappreciated,”_ Father says before ending the call.  I stow my cell phone back in my pocket.

“What was that all about?”  Jasmine asks.  I sigh – I should not have expected this to progress smoothly.  I sneak one last glance at Axel and Xion, but not long enough to process what they’re doing, so there isn’t much of a point.

“I sincerely apologize, Jasmine.  I won’t be able to show you anything fun after all.”

XXX

“I don’t know, this is pretty fun to me,” Jasmine says some time later, after we’ve investigated the arcade and spoken to a few of the employees, one of whom ranted about losing two black-haired kids who had been running about unsupervised.  Apparently one was a boy, but one was a girl, which I accepted skeptically.  Vanitas would rather take a bath than play with a girl – one who wasn’t his sister, at least.

“Maybe he wanted to go on a date too,” Jasmine replies playfully when I muse aloud.

“I highly doubt it.  He still believes girls have ‘cooties.’”

She suppresses a laugh, which tries to escape as an amusing snort.  “Well, if all else fails, this date was worth it to hear you say ‘cooties.’”

We search the bathrooms and the concession area, but we don’t discover any clues until we reach the stairs to the balcony level.

“What do you think this is?”  Jasmine asks, squinting at the carpet, which I hadn’t thought to inspect.  I crouch beside her.  The tough, thin carpet looks gashed, like…

“Could it be claw marks?”  I can’t see how that would be connected to Vanitas, however.  He may have brought Flood, but vicious as the blue hamster is, it isn’t quite big enough to make marks this size.  “But claw marks from what…?”

“How about a rabbit?”  Jasmine asks, and my brow creases in puzzlement.

“I suppose if it were a rather large rabbit, but—”

Without warning me beforehand, she places a hand under my chin and tilts my head up towards the top of the stairs, where a rabbit is twitching its ears and tail, as if sensing something.  I blink, and it bolts away.

“Come on!”  Jasmine takes off after it.

“I don’t see how this is—” She takes my hand and practically pulls me up the stairs, with more strength than I expected.

“You’re the one who’s supposed to be a werewolf,” she teases, “don’t you want to hunt rabbits?”

“Not particularly.”  I roll my eyes.  However, we need to search up the stairs anyway, so I don’t protest the red herring.

As it turns out, a different red herring appears soon afterwards – a small girl in a pastel blue dress runs in front of us.  She exhales heavily, bracing her hands against her knees as she rests.  Unfortunately, I note, she doesn’t have black hair.

“Oh, it’s no use.”  She sighs, more to herself than to us.

“What’s no use?”  Jasmine asks before I can ask the child’s name, or what she is doing up here without supervision.  I am aware that it’s a busy night for the employees, but that’s no excuse for the parents not watching their children.  Then again, Vanitas is off causing havoc somewhere, so I suppose I can’t judge.

“I can never hold onto that rabbit,” the girl answers Jasmine.

“You shouldn’t attempt to hold wild animals,” I inform her with disapproval.  “You could contract a disease, or it could injure you.”

“That’s true,” Jasmine adds in a kinder tone, crouching down to be more on her level.  “Why would you want that rabbit, anyway?”

The young girl, after smoothing out her dress, stands straighter.  “You’ll find me silly if I tell you.”

“I don’t know,” Jasmine smiles warmly, “I’ve done plenty of silly things myself.”

I snort, remembering our first meeting, but otherwise I add nothing to the conversation.  Dealing with children is not my area of expertise, regardless of my interactions with Vanitas.  Or quite possibly _because_ of those interactions.

“Oh, alright.”  The blue-dressed girl lowers her head, as if anticipating ridicule.  “I dreamt of a similar rabbit once.  In my dream, he led me down his hole to a place called Wonderland.”

“And because of that, you think it’s safe to–?”

Jasmine silences me with a hand over my mouth.  Why has she made a habit of touching my face?  Is she like this with everyone?

“That sounds like an interesting dream- may I ask your name?”

“Alice.”

“That sounds interesting, Alice.  I love dreaming, too, but we still need to be careful in real life.  If you get hurt, you won’t simply wake up.  Do you get it?”

Alice’s face flushes pink.  “I understand.”

“Are you here all alone?  Is someone watching you?”

“My sister… but she isn’t very fun…”

Jasmine glances in my direction, as if she’d like to drag me into this.  No, thank you.  “I understand, but I’m sure she still cares about you.  In fact, I bet she’s worrying about you right now.  Would you please go find her and make sure she doesn’t worry?”

Alice nods guiltily, then curtsies, as if Jasmine were a princess who has made a royal decree.  “I will.”

“Thank you very much.”

In any other circumstance, I would have escorted Alice to her guardian personally.  However, in this case, finding Vanitas requires more immediate attention.

“Oh,” Alice pauses halfway down the stairs, “I nearly forgot.  I met a rather curious boy earlier.  Do you think someone is worrying about him?”

Jasmine and I share a look.

“Yes,” I answer.  “I believe someone is.”

XXX

Vanitas sighs huffily, leaning against the balcony railing.  “Look, Aqua’s holding hands with that loser now.  How is that even fun?”

A girl whose black hair is matted with – is that _candy? –_ swings her legs underneath the railing, an act nearly as dangerous as Axel’s and my adventures so long ago, when we would eat ice cream at the top of the Fountains.  However, we weren’t small enough to slip under any rails… well, maybe Axel would have been.  I don’t believe there were rails there to test that theory.  Either way, that is in the past, before I developed common sense and an understanding of the laws of gravity.

“I’m kinda glad Ralph looks like he’s having fun,” she says.  “He doesn’t get out much.”

Vanitas turns to her.  “You mean you usually have him all to yourself?  Lucky.  I have to share _alllll_ my siblings, even Saïx.  I never thought he was going to get a pretty girl…”

Jasmine stifles a giggle, but doesn’t stifle it sufficiently.  It’s difficult enough to sneak up on the two children with the limited cover that the balcony offers; the sound alerts them.  I speak up before they can process her noise.

“I should have known you would be spying.”

Vanitas jumps up, pale as the ice below.  “How did you–?”

“Father is not pleased with you.”

I expected him to run – he always runs when in trouble.  I did not, however, expect the girl to grab his hand, nor for them to practically teleport away when I blink.

“Where did they go?”  Jasmine asks, rubbing her eyes.  The balcony is entirely devoid of children.  But then where-?

With a sickening lurch in my stomach, I lean over the railing.

“Saïx…?”  She doesn’t look for herself.  I don’t take the time to let her; I’m darting back to the rink, so quickly I could have caught the white rabbit had I wanted to.  Yet I know I won’t be quick enough to catch my brother’s fall.

_Vanitas, you had better be alright –  you_ will _be alright, or so help me I will  –_

I will ponder that later.


	12. Breaking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Axel's POV.

Okay, if I would’ve known this night was going to be so painful, I would’ve been smart and just waited to take Xion out to dinner and a movie, like a normal, sane person would.  At least there I wouldn’t have had my crush confession interrupted by a kid falling out of the sky.

_“Vanitas?!”_ Xion practically shrieks.

“Nngh…”  I moan, crushed under the weight of the surprisingly heavy kid.

“Hi, Xi,” he tries to be cute, still sitting on my back.  There’s another kid too, a girl splayed on the ice, writhing like she’s having a seizure – why isn’t anyone _doing_ something?  She’s flickering like static on an old TV when Ralph scoops her up and rushes her out of the rink.  Do I have a concussion?  That’s the only explanation that makes sense.

“Don’t _‘hi, Xi’_ me!  What are you _doing_ here?!”

“Uh… ice skating?”

We’re going to get kicked out.  I _hope_ we get kicked out.  I hear footsteps bolting towards us now – but wait, we’re on an ice rink.  Why would there be footsteps?

“I’m calling Father to pick you up _right now—”_

“That won’t be necessary,” a deep voice interrupts Xion.  That’s funny, it sounds a lot like—

“Saïx!?  You too!?”

He lifts Vanitas off of my back.  Much better.  Now to struggle my way back up…

“My apologies, Xion,” Saïx says.  I wish I could see more than his non-skated feet; is anyone going to help me up?  ….Whatever.  I perform the intricate surgery required to untangle my laces and yank the ice skates off my feet.  Ahhh.  I don’t care how cold it is, I’m never putting those awful things on my feet again.  Xion could kiss me and I still wouldn’t… well, I can’t promise my resolve’s _that_ strong.

I reach up for the handrail and pull myself to my feet.  Saïx and Xion and Vanitas are arguing about something; I can’t process it right now.  And here comes Aqua, weaving through the thinning crowd.  Looks like this is going to be a family affair.

“How did he even get here?”  Xion challenges Saïx, about Vanitas, I guess.

“I’m a ninja,” Vantias interjects smugly, apparently not caring that he’s in trouble anymore.  Well, no one can get him in trouble if he’s gone – and it only takes him half a second to squirm from Saïx’s grip, dart across the ice (magically not slipping), and disappear out the exit.

“Should someone take me to the hospital?”  I ask vaguely, still not sure I don’t have a concussion.

Xion squeezes my hand.  “Someone should take _Vanitas_ to the hospital…”

“Did you see that girl a second ago?”  I ask.  If that wasn’t in my head, I’m probably alright.

“The… glitchy one?”  She confirms uncertainly.

“So that did happen?”  Good, I’m not losing it.  I’m a tough Axel; I can take a little blunt force trauma.  But that doesn’t make it make any more sense.

“ _What_ just happened?”  Aqua asks, finally reaching us.  Terra trails behind her, wobbly on his skates.

“Vanitas.  That way.”  Saïx points to the rink exit, and Aqua asks no more questions.

“Ugh, seriously?  Aquaaa, I’m not a pro, I can’t go that fast…”  Terra tries to catch up with her, but it doesn’t look like he’ll have much luck.  If she’d been here sooner, she could’ve caught Vanitas before he escaped.

It only now occurs to me:  where’s Kairi and Sora?  Not that I could catch up to Terra and Aqua anyway, but before I can ask anyone, _another_ girl demanding answers appears.

“Saïx, what’s going on?  Is your brother alright?”

Wait, wait, _wait._ Out of everything that’s broken my brain in the last five minutes, this part breaks it the most.

_“Jasmine Sultana?”_

“And you’re Axel, right?”  She spares me a second, then returns her attention to Saïx, who doesn’t look irritated at her presence.  Only, if anything, embarrassed.  _Whaaat._

“Vanitas is fine,” he assures her.  “My sister Aqua is taking care of him.  Hopefully she will have more luck than I…”

“Okay, I get that you were chasing your psycho brother, but what’s _she_ doing here?”  I point to Jasmine.  Not the most polite thing, but under the circumstances, I don’t really care.

“We’re on a date,” she replies simply, smiling.  But I’m not watching her – I’m watching Saïx, who’s staring steadfastly into the ice, like he’d rather be buried in it than standing on it.

“But- but-” I stutter, “you said you’d rather wash out your scar with salt!  If you liked her you could’ve just _told_ me, I only would’ve made fun of you for, like, a day—”

“No,” Xion interrupts me in a shaky whisper.

“’Scuse me?”  I look towards her at the same time Jasmine’s balking, “With _salt!?”_

“No.  You’re not really here to go out with Jasmine, are you?”  Xion’s gaze, fixed on her brother, is colder than the ice under my sock feet.  “You’re here to spy on me.”

“What a ridiculous notion,” Saïx immediately dismisses her.  But I know that dismissal.  It’s the same dismissal I got when I asked if he fed the stray cats that hang around his house.  A total lie.

It takes a second to sink in.  “Wait, you… she’s right, isn’t she?”

“You took me as an _excuse!?”_ Jasmine fumes.  “I _knew_ you had to be hiding something!  You wouldn’t change your mind just like that – I’m such an idiot!”

Saïx winces from her betrayed rage – as far as I know, he’s never gotten that from a girl before.  It puts every other kind of rage in perspective.  I almost feel sorry for him.  I would, if he hadn’t lied to me, too.

“You said you trusted me.”  My voice is flatter than I’d expected.  After kids falling on me out of the sky, I guess this doesn’t have as much of a surprise factor.  Not as much surprise, but a lot more hurt.  “You said that you asking her out was just a rumor.  Why would you lie to me?  Did you just wake up and think, ‘Hey, I feel like screwing with my best friend today’?”

“And your sister,” Xion adds, sounding even more mad than Jasmine, just in a quieter, more intense form.  Honestly, it kind of scares me.  It takes a lot to get her mad; the only other times I remember have been because of Vanitas.

Jasmine crosses her arms.  “You’re got five seconds to explain yourself.”

“Okay, don’t you think he could use a _little_ more time?”  I try to defend him on principle and out of habit, but she keeps counting.

“Four, three—”

“Let’s just go,” Xion says, her voice cracking.  That’s when I realize her quiet intensity was just an attempt to hold back tears, which are now pooling in the corners of her eyes.  Crap.  I don’t think any amount of Damage Control on my part can fix this, but I try anyway.

“Hey, we’re civil people, right?  Give him a second.  _More_ than a second, I mean.”  Still, I glare at my best friend, who doesn’t even try to meet my gaze.  “I don’t believe he’s _completely_ heartless.”  _Please,_ Saï, don’t prove me wrong…

Xion’s not in the mood to condemn him anymore, anyway.  She’s shrinking back against the wall, like she’d rather not be here at all.  I resist the urge to take her hand, in case it makes things worse.

“Well?”  Jasmine demands.

Everyone finally calms down.  Or at least waits.  Jasmine would probably be tapping her foot if it wasn’t stuck in her skate.

“What do you want me to say?”  Saïx asks defensively, coldly.  He’s stalling, fanning the flames.  It’s dumb – girls are too emotionally combustible.  And me, I’m feeling pretty combustible myself.

“Maybe that you’re _sorry_ for being a lying _jerk,_ for starters.”  Jasmine’s face is about as red as my hair.

“I never lied to you,” Saix defends.

And _there’s_ the spark.

“Dude, seriously?!  You lied to _me,_ at least!  And your _sister!_ Sheesh, just apologize already!  Is that too much to ask?”

What’s his problem?  Just standing there in his dress shoes, staring at the ice, this dead look in his eyes.  “You would be asking me to lie again.”

I catch Xion shaking her head out of the corner of my eye.  “No, no, _no…_ it really _was_ too good to be true _…”_

I don’t comfort her.  I should be comforting her, but instead I’m yelling at her brother.  “You _are_ completely heartless!  What’s wrong with you?!  It was just one date – Xion’s _first_ date!  What did you think I was going to do, sneak out and take her clubbing?  We’re with my sister and your _other_ sister at an _ice skating rink,_ of all the unromantic places to go on a date – what did I screw up, Saix?”  My voice suddenly cracks like a bird hitting a glass door.  Yelling’ll do that after a while.  My next words sputter out hoarse and pathetic.  “What did I do to make you stop trusting me…?”

He has the nerve to look guilty _now._ Now that it doesn’t matter, because now I _have_ screwed something up.  There’s a black-uniformed employee skating over to kick me out for “creating a public disturbance,” as if Vanitas and that girl falling off the balcony didn’t do that already.

I glance around, hoping vaguely that I’m not the employee’s only target – where did everyone go?  Not counting the strangers awkwardly veering around us, it’s just me and Saïx…

“I believe you frightened her off,” he has the nerve to tell me as he stares at the exit.

“ _I_ did? – wait, Xion!  Wait!”  Apparently her twisted ankle doesn’t stop her from being a ninja on those skates, bolting for the exit while dodging the few other skaters still left on the ice.  “XION—!  Please...”

I reach out vaguely, even though it’s obviously too late.  She doesn’t even turn around.  Then she’s gone… I think I see Jasmine following behind her, not that it matters if Saïx’s date ditches him too.  _He_ deserves it.

“Why, _why,_ just when I thought I’d finally done something right…”  Xion was right – it was too good to be true.  I kick my left skate across the ice, where Gene – I recognize the annoying midget from my Culinary Arts class – trips over it and lands sprawled like a starfish.  So at least I have that to laugh about while I’m being banned from this place for life.  Not that I’d ever come back anyway.  “Why can’t I get it right…?”

“Because you have me as a worthless best friend,” Saïx replies, voice low.

“Ha,” I retort mercilessly.  “I wouldn’t count on that right now.”

His face flushes, but I don’t have time to pay attention, because the employee I saw earlier finally gets here.

Only it’s not just any employee.

_“Aqua?”_ I ask, checking her blue hair sloppily shoved under a black ‘Radiant Skate Center’ hat.  I didn’t know their uniforms were supposed to have hats.

“Look, you either had to deal with me or Calhoun.  You’re lucky I left my uniform here.”  She pauses to glare at Saïx.  “You’re also lucky Father doesn’t know about this.  Yet.”  Her mouth is set grimly.  Saïx visibly winces.  It’s finally starting to sink in.  Too bad his big brain didn’t realize how dumb this was in the first place.

“Come on.”  Aqua drags us both out, after making me pick up my skates.  I wish I was in the mood to chuckle at Gene.  Maybe Ralph will get a kick out of it whenever I get the chance to tell him, and ask what the deal was with that black-haired girl.

I get to put my shoes on, and I grab Xion’s while I’m at it.  Maybe it’ll give me the chance to talk to her, smooth some of this over…  Not that (most of) it’s my fault, but I don’t think Saïx plans on doing any smoothing.

I glance at him while we’re being marched past the skate-counter, through the arcade, towards the front doors.  His head hangs limply, like he lost the top of his spine along with his dignity.  His hair hides his face.  I can only hope there’s a speck of regret under it.

Just as I think Aqua’s going to shove us out the doors, we take a sharp right-hand turn.

“Hey, wha-?”

Aqua shoots me a funny look.  “Did you forget someone?”

Should’ve known she wouldn’t let me take the Walk of Shame home, or at least get a ride from Saïx.  No, we’ve gotta drag everyone back in the Rainsmell.  Well, I _am_ still holding Xion’s boots.  One more excuse to try and talk to her… I can’t let my nerve break before I even try, but picturing her wet face is enough to make me want to bury myself six feet deep.  I’ve comforted her before, but never when the tears were partially my fault.  She might not even want to see me – no.  Forget everything else, we’re still best friends.  She won’t hate me.  She won’t hate me…  Then again, I thought that about Saïx, too.

We’re led into a narrow hallway where Terra’s standing guard next to the girls’ bathroom.  His face lights up when he catches sight of Aqua.

“They’re, uh, still in there,” he tells her, shifting uncomfortably.  I can hear why – sniffling is filtering out from under the thick wooden door.

I barely resist punching Saix.  He’s the smartest guy I know, so why is it that when it comes to girls’ feelings, he’s so dumb?

“They?”  He asks.

“Xion and Jasmine,” Terra says.  “Hey, did you really say you’d rather pour salt-?”

Saïx’s eyes flash poison yellow.  Aqua and I time our intervention perfectly – she clamps a hand against Terra’s mouth while I drop Xion’s boots and restrain Saïx against the wall.  I’m barely strong enough to hold back his berserk outburst, which makes _him_ punch _me_ in the gut.  Seriously, fate, destiny, heaven, whatever – what did I do to make today nosedive into a mutant-shark-infested acid ocean? 

I slug him back, straight in the chest, before I get a handle on my non-berserk, regular-people anger.  Lucky for him, my fist is only powered by that anger and reflex, and it skids off without making him flinch.  …I really need to work out more. 

Aqua pushes me out of the way and holds his shoulders firmly, elbows braced against the insides of his.  She’s like a machine, how controlled and nearly programmed her movements are.  I can’t hear what she murmurs to him, but it takes the sparking yellow glow out of his eyes.  His fist unclenches.

“…An apology seems quite inadequate at this point,” he mumbles, almost below the range of human hearing.  “But I apologize none the less.”

“Uh… okay?”  Terra must not have a clue what’s going on.  It’s not like Saïx would tell just anyone about his condition.  This marks the third time I’ve seen him go berserk; I’m lucky Aqua was here.  I wouldn’t have known how to stop him on my own.

“You’re getting there,” I tell him, rubbing the bruise blooming on my stomach.  I’ll think about forgiving him when I’m in a little less pain.

“I’m going to check on Xion,” Aqua says.  “You boys behave.”

As the bathroom door squeak-creak-BANGs shut, Terra mumbles, “Sheesh, she acts like we’re her Little Dragons…”

“Y’know, I think at this point that would be a compliment.”  At least when those little kids she teaches martial arts to act up, they just punch and kick each other.  They don’t go behind their best friends’ backs and ruin their dates and send their sisters off crying to the bathroom.  And _then_ punch them on top of that.

After that, silence holds us hostage.  Saïx doesn’t want to meet my eyes, and I’m not sure I want him to.  I wish Terra would leave so we could have it out now and get it over with.  But I can’t think of what to say anymore.  He apologized.  That was what I wanted.  He can’t turn back time; Ican’t turn back time, no matter how much I want to.  Maybe just staying friends with Xion would’ve been better than this…

I remember the sensation of her hand in mine, and I take the thought back.  There was something there; I know it.  I’m not going to let one mistake stop me from finding out what.

“…I did lie to you,” Saïx finally speaks up, surprising me.

“Oh, really?”  I snap.  “Never woulda guessed.”  In the back of my head I know it doesn’t help, but the anger’s still there.

He grimaces.  “I would not rather wash my scar with salt than spend time with Jasmine.”

Of all the things he could worry about lying about, he picks _Jasmine?_ “Dude, if you’re admitting you like her, it’s kinda late.”

“I am aware.”  He pauses thoughtfully.  “Regardless of whether or not I ‘like’ her, she did not deserve this mess.”

“She – _she?!”_ Apparently I wasn’t finished combusting.  “Did _I_ deserve it, Saïx?  Did _Xion?_ I know I’m not perfect!  I know Xion could do a hundred times better than me!  But _I’m trying,_ Sai.  I’m _trying_ to be better, and if I have to get a hundred times better before I’m like her, I will.  I – I actually li—” I bight my tongue.  Ow.  I should shut up.  He doesn’t need to know, he doesn’t need to know – but he _has_ to, doesn’t he?  If I ever want to be with Xion, and not go crazy with guilt, I can’t keep this secret from him.

Before I can steel my nerve to admit anything more, Saïx sighs.  It’s like the last breath leaving a soon-to-be corpse.

“Somehow I knew this would happen.”  He closes his eyes.  “I could not tell if I would be happier if her feelings were unrequited… but it does not matter how I would be happier.”  He shakes himself, a shudder that looks painful.

I almost wonder if he’s trying to guilt me.  He’s good at that.  “You act like it’s the end of the world.”

“Axel,” he says, sounding suddenly exasperated.  “Imagine if I were to date Kairi.”

Ewwww.  I gag reflexively.  “That’s totally different!”

“How so?”  Saïx retorts.  “Kairi and Xion are the same age, are they not?  As are you and I.”

“Yeah, but—!  That’s not the point!”  One year’s hardly a difference anyway.  “Me and Xi are already friends, you and Kairi have said, like, ten words to each other.”  Okay, that’s an underestimation, but they don’t really get along.  “Hey, where is Kairi, anyway?”

“I’ll find her and Sora,” Terra volunteers immediately.  Oh.  Whoops.  Kinda forgot he was there… Whatever, I don’t have to care what Terra thinks… though he did almost hear me confess to liking Xion. 

“Thanks,” I call weakly as he practically sprints away.  Saïx picks up where he left off.

“Still.  Can you begin to understand my situation?”

I didn’t even imagine him thinking this is as weird as him and _Kairi,_ but he might have some point…  I think about Kairi in general.  I know Sora’s a good kid, and she’s a good kid…  I gave her the Axel Stamp of Approval.  Like I have the right to approve or reject any date – and if I can, why can’t Saïx?  Am I really the same as him?  No, because—because—

“It’s _me_ you don’t approve of.  Right?”  I realize. If he wanted to try to stop Xion from dating anyone else, I wouldn’t care.  (Actually, I’d be ecstatic, but that’s not the point.) “I’m the problem.  You still don’t trust me.”

He’s rejected me.  He’s said I’m not good enough – and even if I’m not good enough, I can’t help hating it.

He’s so still.  I wish he’d get mad again, and say it’s stupid for me to jump to conclusions, and explain why I’m wrong.  But he doesn’t.

“I didn’t,” he admits.  “Not at first.  But I did observe you somewhat throughout the night.  You have done nothing wrong.”

“Then what’s the problem!?”

“Can’t you see?”  Saïx says slowly, like I’m going deaf.

“No, I can’t, Sai!  I’m not a mind reader!  Unless you’re _really_ concerned by the tiny age gap…”

His sigh is more like a growl.  “Fine.  Let me spell it out, if that is what it takes.  You have always been prone to waste time courting various girls—”

“Come on, that’s—!”

“—which,” he ignores me, “was only a minimal issue, since they typically ended as quickly as they began.”

“Thanks for reminding me.”  I roll my eyes.

“However, if you were to date Xion, and it were to go well…”

Am I as deaf as he thinks I am, or is he just not making sense?  I’m still not sure I get it.  “You’re worried about me ‘wasting’ time with her…?  Wait, are you _jealous?”_

He’s silent.  His face could be made of stone for all I can tell.

“Okay, I just gotta make sure, just in case, I mean, I _think_ I’d know, but—”

He rolls his eyes, as if he expected this.  “No, I am not homosexual.”

“Whew.”  I breathe a sigh of relief.  “That could’ve been awkward, huh?”

“For the record, I have no interest in any romantic relationships.  My interest in Jasmine is of a platonic nature.”

I have no idea what Play-Doh has to do with dating, but whatever, at least I don’t have to worry about the possibility of a gay Saïx.  “Wait, then why are you jealous?”

He sighs.  “I suppose I should not be.  But the fact remains that it will not be the same.  My sister will always come first for you, and you will always come first for her.”

Ohhh.  Finally, I can start to see what he’s talking about.  I put a hand on his shoulder.  “You’re still my best friend, Sai.  Nothing’s going to change that.”

“Perhaps not.”  His posture relaxes from rock-stiff to tree-stiff.  So a little improvement.

“And hey, I learned my lesson after Larxene!  Just because I like Xion doesn’t mean I’m ditching you.  I’ll still make time for Guy’s nights.”  I lightly punch his shoulder.  Then, too late, I realize I just dropped the three words I’d been trying to dodge.  _I like Xion._ Well, if he can trust me, I should have no problem trusting him with that much. 

Saïx doesn’t even look surprised, still just a bit grumpy.  But he usually looks kind of grumpy, so things are looking up again.  “I will count on that.”

“As long as I can count on you not to do _this-”_ I wave my arm in a general ‘everything’ motion, “-ever, _ever_ again.”

“I too would prefer to avoid this in the future,” he replies hesitantly.

I’m not sure I’ve completely convinced him that everything will be okay yet, but I don’t have time now.  Aqua and Jasmine are finally coming out of the bathroom.  That cringe-inducing squeak-creak-BANG again.

“Where’s Xion?”  I ask immediately.  The two girls share a glance.

“We can’t get her to come out,” Jasmine says bluntly.

“What?  _You_ can, can’t you?”  I ask Aqua.

“She… well,” she glares at Saïx, “she can be stubborn when she’s upset.”

“She won’t even come out to talk to me?”  I’d been a little distracted with Saïx, but I should’ve wondered what was taking so long.  Has this really been so much of a disaster that she won’t even let me try to mop up?

“I thought I would give her some time to calm down,” Aqua answers.  “The rest of you may go eat at the food court or wait in the arcade.  I’ll stay here in case she comes out on her own.”

I should stop.  I should be patient and wait to see if this all blows over.  But I have to know now, more than ever, if I finally screwed everything up for good, if my conversation with Saïx was too late.

“Axel,” Aqua warns, catching the look in my eye.  I pick up Xion’s boots.

“Give me ten minutes.”

I shove open the door to the girls’ bathroom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gene is from Wreck-It-Ralph. I think that's the only non-KH-character reference in this one...


	13. Bathroom Party

“Aqua, please, please don’t—” My voice wavers; I’m trying, trying to keep it steady and I’m so _helpless,_ can’t even stay calm and if Axel saw me like this—“Please, I’ll – just give me m-more time, I’ll be o-okay…”

I hiccup a little, blowing my nose on some toilet paper.  This is stupid, why am I still in here, I’m a Knight, even Vani would be stronger than this…

“Xion.”

My eyelids fly open.  The green stall door blocks my line of sight – thank goodness – but I’d know that voice anywhere, even as soft as it is now.

“Get out!”  I scream without thinking.  “This is the _girls’_ bathroom, what are you even-!?”

“Hey, hey!  Xion, please!  I just had to see if you were okay…”

He heard me like this _._   He heard me already and if he sees me I think I’ll melt not into a puddle of rainbows, just a puddle of tears and nothing.

“Well, I’m not,” I call as evenly as I can.  “So go away.”

It’s stupid for me to be mad at him, but I am anyway.  He’s here, within shouting range.  Saïx is too far away to shove my anger at.

“Xion…”

Why does _he_ sound so sad?  He’s not the one who freaked out and ran away crying to a bathroom, who’s brother hates me for liking his best friend, and Axel’s too good of a friend to hurt Saïx for me, and I don’t want him to be hurt I just want everyone to be happy.  This is the exact opposite of happy and maybe I never should’ve tried –

I remember what it felt like to hold his hand.  My heart cartwheels and the sudden emotional shift threatens to make me throw up.  Good thing I’m already sitting on a toilet.

“Hey,” Axel says hesitantly, probably expecting to get yelled at again.  “I think you might want these.”

I wipe my eyes in time to see my black boots slide under the stall door.  My socks are already wet from stepping in a puddle by the sinks… I pull them off, stuff them in my jacket pocket, and zip the boots up over my cold, bare feet.

“Thank you,” I say quietly, sniffling and trying to ignore the pain in my ankle I’d set off again. If I can just pull myself together…

“It’s the least I can do,” he replies, “after blowing up at your brother and scaring you away.”

“It’s not your fault!”  I call out.  “I mean, you did blow up at him, and I was scared…”

“Xion, that’s the _definition_ of my fault.”

“No!”  I explained that wrong.  Why are words so hard?  “I was scared b-because…”  Ugh, that awful stutter.  “I d-didn’t want you to hate me.  You or Saïx.”

He’s silent.  I wish the stall was one-way glass so I could see him but he couldn’t see me. 

“Let me get this straight,” he finally says.  “You think something as stupid as Saïx crashing our date would make me _hate_ you?”

“I- I-!”  I don’t know what I think.  “I panicked, okay!  Clearly I’m not ready for this, I’m not ready to date _anyone,_ much less—” I bite my lip and take a deep breath.  I hid in here so I _wouldn’t_ make a fool of myself, and there I go anyway, and Axel’s going to think I don’t like him, and I _do,_ so much I don’t know what to do with myself.

“…Someone as clueless as me?”  Axel finishes my sentence.

“What?  No!  Someone who _has_ a clue!  You always know what you’re doing, and I—Axel, I hardly know how to _talk_ to you, much less date you!”

“We’re _best friends,_ Xi, you talk to me all the time!”

“But not like on a date!”

“What are you talking about?  It’s the same thing!  I’m still the same Axel, and you’re the same Xion.  So what changed, huh?”  I think I hear him swallow.  “What changed…?”

I think about his question for a while, instead of jumping to some excuse like I’ve been doing.  “…I don’t know,” I reply honestly.

His voice is soft.  Kind.  “Well, why don’t you come out here, and we can figure it out.”

I feel like a little kid who’s been in time-out for too long.  I want to come out, but I don’t want to show my shameful face, but either way I can’t do anything here…

“Please,” he adds.

I rip off a strip of toilet paper and dry my face.  It still feels too sticky with salt, but I’ll live with it.  I unlock the stall door and shove it open quickly, before I can panic and change my mind.

 “Ow!  Aghh…”  The door bounces off the side of his face.

“Sorry!  Ouch, I hit you pretty hard…”

His wince melts into a laugh.  “Heh, that’s what I get for standing so close to the door…”

I can’t help echoing his laugh, and we’re just friends again, and it’s not complicated or weird, and I can breathe.  Sadistic as it sounds, I feel more on his level when he does silly stuff like get hit by stall doors.  Reminds me he’s not as perfect as I sometimes think he is.  “I think your nose is swelling.”

“Yeah… hey, are your hands cold?”

“Kind of?”  I raise my eyebrows.  He takes my hand and places it over his nose.

“I knew your ice cube hands would come in handy.”  He grins, making me laugh.

“Guess it’s hard always being hot,” I reply.

“Sometimes.”  He winks.

“I- I meant _heat_ hot.”

“Suuuuure~”

“Really!”  I stick my tongue out when he laughs.  “You might want to get my hand off your face.  I’ve been touching things in a bathroom.”

He shrugs, letting go of my hand.  “Still gotta be better than the guys’ bathroom.  You should see the graffiti in there… well, actually you shouldn’t.”

“You’d be surprised at some of the graffiti in here too.”  There was plenty in the stall I’d been sitting in that I’d rather forget about.

“I’ll take your word for it.”

I examine my face in the mirror while I’m washing my hands.  My cheeks are too red; I’d like to splash water on my face and wash it, but I’d mess up my already-disheveled hair.  “Anyway, I don’t want to give you some disease right before Christmas.”

“Eh.  Guess not.”  He hops up on the counter, swinging his long legs back and forth.  While I try to dry my hands under the air dryer, I glance in the mirror at the back of his smashed crimson hair spikes. They bob mesmerizingly with the swing of his legs, up and down, up and down.  Not wanting to be caught staring, I give up on the asthmatic air dryer and wipe my still-damp hands on my jeans.

“I… guess we should go now…”

“Yeah, I’d rather not stay in a girls’ bathroom.”  Axel rubs the back of his head, further flattening his spikes.  “But we haven’t figured out what our problem is yet.”

“…No, I guess we haven’t.”  I have to hop a little higher, but I sit on the counter next to him, awkwardness creeping back in.

He takes a deep breath, meeting my eyes.  “I’m not good at this – I mean, with other girls it was easier, I wasn’t all – like this… Gah, I’m an idiot.”  He shakes his head.  “Now _I’m_ the one who can’t talk.”

“…What made it easier with… other girls?”  I shiver slightly.  He can’t mean… he likes me the _least_ of all the girls he’s dated _,_ can he?

“I didn’t really care what they thought, I guess.”  He frowns.  “I thought I did, and I always tried to impress them, but it wasn’t really… it was like a game.”  He grimaces, looking disgusted.  At himself?  “I played for fun, and I never thought about how I might hurt myself, or them, or… you,” he whispers.

I don’t know what to say.  It _did_ hurt me – seeing him go on dates all the time, especially with Larxene.  Watching him grow up so much faster than me even though we’re just a year apart.

He can see it on my face.  “I wish I would’ve listened to Saïx about that.  He’s not always stupid.” He smiles a little.

“He can be pretty smart when he wants to,” I admit, softly smiling back, and he chuckles.

“Yeah…  Makes me wish I would’ve been nicer on him earlier.  He’s seen me through plenty of stupid choices.”

“…I guess he has.”  I remember all the times he’s kept me doing stupid things, like murdering Vanitas, or arguing with Father over something pointless, or going to school with my clothes on backwards.  I guess I can forgive him of one stupid day.

“Anyway, Xi…”  He takes a deep breath.  Sweat glistens on his palms.  I’m statue-still, not wanting to miss a thing.  “Err… You know what?  Words are dumb.  I’ll make this short and sweet.”  He places his warm hand over mine, and I don’t care about the sweat.  “Xion, I like you.”

“Wh-what?”  My heart, lungs, and other internal organs temporarily go on strike.  Did he just say that?  Really-?

“I like you,” he repeats, with a little less confidence.  “Did I mumble or something?”

“But – _why_?”  It’s finally what I always wanted; I wished, wished for so long, I never really thought about what I’d do if it came true.

“Why?”  He asks back, growing more confused by the second.  “Because – because I do!  Do you want a list?  I can make one, gimme a second.”

He pumps a long stream of paper towels from the dispenser and rips them off, searching for something to write with.  “Gah, of course I never keep a pen…”

“Axel, sorry, that’s not what I meant…”  It makes me laugh though, and grin so wide my smile might fall off my face.  “I just always hoped, but I never thought you’d really – I like you too, Axel.”

The words finally tumble out.  I could be floating, like those words were a lead backpack I’ve been carrying around as long as I remember, and now I can throw it off.  No more pretending and hiding, I could be a literal rainbow-puddle and I wouldn’t even care.

Axel fist-pumps the air and laughs, sounding as elated as I feel.  “I _didn’t_ screw everything up!”

“Nope.” I grin, happiness overflowing in the form of a light jab.  “I didn’t base my affection on your ice-skating skills.”

“Hey!”  He pushes me playfully.

“I’m just teasing, Axel,” I say, and he turns the shove into a light half-hug.  I like that.  “You don’t have to be the best at _everything_ for me to like you.  I like you because you’re funny, and sweet, and my best friend.”  Among probably a hundred other reasons that flit through my head too fast to say.  Like that adorable crook in his raised eyebrow right now.

“ _I’m_ sweet?  Do you know who you’re talking to?”

“You _are,_ to me,” I reply.  “You went on this date with me even though you didn’t have a clue how to ice skate.”

“…I’ll choose to be flattered instead of insulted,” he replies after a moment.  I giggle and lean into him.  I can do that now, without it being weird, without having to pretend like it’s just a friendly thing.  Without worrying what he thinks.  The sudden freedom is still making my head spin.

“Good.”

He smoothes out the long paper towel on his lap.  “Now if you want my answer, it might take a while.  And a pen.”

I do, more than anything, but I remember something.  “Are they still waiting on us out there?”

“Oh… heh, I think I used up more than five minutes…”  He hops off the counter and holds out his hand.  I don’t need his help to get down, but there’s no point in passing up the opportunity. 

“One more thing…” he says before I make it to the door.

“Yeah?”  His tone holds a note of worry that I reflect.

“How long have you liked me?”

My brow furrows.  “Since…”  It feels like forever, and that’s what I’d normally say, but I’d be lying if I didn’t tell him the actual date.  Because after all this time, I still can’t forget.  “The beginning of summer party, at the Fountains.  I was eleven.”

“Eleven… I think I remember that.  When I took you on the waterslides you were too small to ride by yourself?”

“Yeah.”  Though that was kind of embarrassing, it ended up being a good memory.  Like tonight will be.  “It was the first time I ever hung out with just you and not Roxas.”

He chuckles.  “I can’t believe it, that long… thank you,” he squeezes my hand gently, “for waiting for me.”

His eyes sparkle like Christmas lights.  I reach up and touch his face, the flipped-tear tattoo below his right eye.  “I would do it all over again to hear you say that.”

“I just… wish I’d done the same for you,” he whispers, cupping my face in return.  His fingers are gentler than I expect.  “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.  You didn’t know.”  It’s much easier to say that now that I know he likes me.  It doesn’t erase all the jealousy, but at the same time, my jealousy can’t erase anything that happened.  “And even if you did, you didn’t owe me anything just because I liked you.  And besides that, you learned what you needed to learn.”  That’s what Aqua tells me when I get upset about making dumb mistakes – _You learned what you needed to learn._

“Why didn’t I see it, though?  You were right in front of me this whole time.”  His hand falls from my face.  “It wasn’t until… the night you came to help me.  After Larxene.”

“Oh.”  I remember that night clearly.  It was so, so cold, the long walk there.  Probably the most rash, impulsive idea I’ve ever had – but worth it.  Even if it hadn’t changed anything, I still would’ve done it, as his friend.

“I can never thank you enough for that,” he continues.

“Yes you can.”  I smile, squeezing his hand.  “You already have.”

“Heh.”  He smiles back.  “You really are the best, y’know.”

“I guess I can take your word for it,” I tease.  “And you are too.  The best.”

He looks uncertain for a moment, shifting side to side on his feet.

“What?”

Shaking his head quickly, he replies, “Just thinking.  Come on, they’re waiting for us.”

“…Okay.”  Maybe I’ll get it out of him later.  It’s enough to hold his hand while we finally exit the bathroom, so much lighter than when I entered.

“Uh—” Axel stops halfway out the door.  The doorway’s wide enough and he’s skinny enough, so I can still see past him.  …I kind of wish I hadn’t.

“O-kay, did _not_ need to see that.”

I duck behind him to avoid watching Aqua make out with Terra.  “Is _that_ why Saïx didn’t want me to go out with you?  Because I don’t blame him as much anymore.”

Axel let the door bang shut, retreating back into the bathroom.  “I don’t think I’d let him off the hook because of that, but I’m still glad I’ve been my practicing self-control.”

Self-control not to kiss me?  Is that what he meant?  …I’m not the only one who needs that? 

My face flushes hotly, no matter how I wish it wouldn’t.  “I’m sure it’s better than it looks…”  I hope he won’t think I don’t want to kiss him, because I _do_.  It’s just really weird seeing Aqua kiss anyone, even though I know she has before… I don’t know.  It’s a little sister thing.  “…But I appreciate the self-control.  If you really need it for that.”

“I promised you, Saïx, and your dad that I would respect you,” he smiles, “and I’m not about to break a promise.  Even if I really, really want to kiss you.”  He blinks.  Apparently I’m not the only one who can blush.  “Dang it, I was saving that.”

“…No one ever said you can’t kiss me,” I reply, heart beating so fast I think it’s going to give me hiccups.  “Just maybe not like _that…”  Because I might literally explode from happiness and die._

The door creaks open before Axel can respond, revealing an unfazed Aqua.  “Are you two done?”

“Are _you_ two done?”  I can’t help teasing – also a little sister thing.  It’s in the genes.

She doesn’t blush quite like me, but as her eyes narrow, her face does tinge pink.  It’s Terra who sticks his head in to grin and say, “Hey, the PDA kept everyone away from the bathrooms.  You’re welcome.”

“I can see you’re feeling better, then,” Aqua says to me.  “The others are at the food court.”

“Saïx too?”  Axel asks, and she nods.

“Even Jasmine, I believe.  Saïx wanted to try and sort things out with her.”

That is still so weird.  Definitely weirder than watching Aqua kiss Terra.  I mean, I knew Jasmine liked Saïx for some crazy reason, but I’d never expected anything to come out of it.  Even if ‘something’ was just an excuse-date.

Axel rubs his hands together.  “Can’t wait to see how _that_ turned out.”

“Did you ever find Vanitas again?”  I ask Aqua.

“Saïx retrieved him from Whitney.”  Whitney… she’s one of Aqua’s coworkers.  The one who gave us our skates, I think.

“But is he watching him?”  If he’s with Jasmine, who knows where Vani could’ve slipped off to?

“We will see.  Come on.”

The four of us head away from the bathrooms.  Aqua and Terra take the lead, and I notice he takes her hand.  Aww.  While I’m watching them, Axel takes my hand too and leans down to whisper, “I’ll give you a raincheck on that kiss.”

My boots float at least an inch from the ground.  “I’ll take you up on that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PDA = Public Display of Affection. Not sure how common that acronym is.


	14. Forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Saix's POV.

Jasmine is certainly… something else.  My head spun from the combination of teasing, taunting, pleasantries, and anger I’d experienced so far tonight.  I knew that girls’ moods could shift without warning – Xion and Aqua have taught me that lesson several times over.  Yet, after all of her not-quite unwarranted rage, I did not expect one last change:  forgiveness.  It only came after the most shameless, practically pleading apology, but that was a small sacrifice compared to suffering her wrath next semester in Trigonometry.  No, I must stop lying to myself, excusing myself.  That wasn’t the true reason I had apologized…  She deserved my humblest apologies, after I led her on.  For all the disdain I felt towards Axel for leading other girls on, I was no better.  A hypocrite.  A shameless hypocrite.

And I admitted it, finally obtaining her forgiveness.  Now only time will tell if things will be restored to the way they were…

XXX

“Are you certain it’s not too cold for ice cream?”  I ask Vanitas when I bring our treats to the table.

“Is it ever too cold for ice cream?”  Sora calls, far too loudly, from the table next to ours.

“Duh, it’s not.  Even _he’s_ smarter than you, Sai-Sai.”  Vanitas deliberately uses the obnoxious nickname, snagging his bowl of Big Bad Pete ice cream.  Jasmine doesn’t suppress her snicker of amusement.

“There are many people smarter than Sai-Sai, it sounds like,” she teases.  What was the purpose of apologizing if this is how I am thanked for it?

Vanitas bursts into a cackling fit, almost choking on a chestnut in his ice cream.  “Hah, she called you Sai-Sai~”

I dispense a sharp glare.  “I am quite aware, _Vani_.”

“Hey!”

When he tries to kick my feet under the table, I ignore him - the most effective solution - and pass Jasmine her Royalberry cone before poking at my bowl of Double Crunch.  I am not particularly in the mood for frozen desserts, but I thought it might further appease Jasmine… who is now more focused on my ten-year-old brother.  Regardless of my feelings towards her, that is rather insulting.

“Are you going to marry Saix?”  He asks her.  Because clearly what tonight needs is another dose of discomfort.

“Something tells me it’s not likely,” she says, with a hint of either annoyance or amusement.

“Good.”  He belches loudly.  “‘Cause Saix is stupid, but he’s my only brother.  Any girls who wanna steal him gotta go through _me_.”

“Is that so?”  She raises an eyebrow.  Definitely amusement.  Odd how those can seem so similar.

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, he’s lucky to have such a smart bodyguard.”  She smiles impishly.  Has she forgotten that less than an hour ago we were tracking him across the skating rink?

“Eat your ice cream,” I tell them.

“I would be grateful if I were you,” Jasmine says.  “One day you might need a good bodyguard.”

I scowl.  “I have apologized as thoroughly as possible.  You may cease with the passive-aggression.”

“What passive aggression?  It was just a statement.”  She returns to licking her ice cream cone innocently.  I sigh, but there’s no point in arguing.

Familiar laughter trickles over from the entrance - my sisters, Axel, and Terra.  I breathe a literal sigh of relief.  I had assumed it would be painful to see Axel and Xion together, but I am sincerely grateful that they are both smiling after the chaos I instigated.

“Hey, Sai!”  Axel waves broadly, like he’s attempting to flag down an airplane, and my mind is put to rest.  The only difference is that one hand is occupied with Xion’s.  “You gonna eat that?”

Yes, it is certainly the same Axel.  I slide the bowl of fruit-covered ice cream to my right when he takes the seat beside me.

“Oh… uh…” He rubs the back of his head sheepishly, glancing at Xion.  “Hold on, I’ll go buy you some—”

“It’s fine.”  She giggles.  “I know you eat Saix’s leftovers all the time.  It’s kind of late to try and impress me.”

It’s somewhat amusing to see his face turn as red as his hair.  “Well, then… I can share, if you want.”

I roll my eyes.  At least they don’t feed each other; Axel leaves momentarily to ask for an extra spoon.  Meanwhile, Vanitas attempts to slip over to the table where Aqua and Terra have joined Kairi and Sora, but Jasmine occupies him by inquiring about Flood - who is now sitting in my brother’s empty ice cream bowl.  I don’t pretend to be surprised.

“So,” Axel begins when he returns brandishing a new plastic spoon, “how’d all that work out?”  He gestures between me and Jasmine.

“She-”

“He is my acquaintance,” she interrupts.  I thought she had been too occupied cleaning Flood with some napkins to notice.  “Nothing more, nothing less.”

It’s more clarification than she gave me earlier.  At least I know for certain where I stand.

“Still in the doghouse, huh?”  He says through a big bite of ice cream.  Vanitas begins a game of ‘Spoon Wars’ with Xion while his back is turned.

“Axel, there is no ‘doghouse.’ There is no metaphorical ‘house’ to speak of.”

“Heh, if you say so.”

He ends up joining Vanitas and Xion’s game as ‘Darth Flamelocks.’  I am thankful for their ability to handle my younger brother.  Father had volunteered to retrieve him when I called to assure him the situation was finally under control, but I couldn’t bear him seeing how quickly things had degenerated with Jasmine.  Girls are one thing.  My father’s disappointment is quite another.

Jasmine wipes her sticky hands on a napkin, staring at it pensively.

“Is something the matter?”  I ask.  She shakes her head.

“When are we leaving?”

Her ice cream is gone, Vanitas’s has been long gone, and mine has been repossessed.  Technically speaking, we have no reason to stay.

“We may depart now, if that is acceptable.”

“Yes,” she answers, then frowns.  “Though I’m not looking forward to being interrogated when I get home.”

“I understand.”  He long can I hide this mistake from Father?  I suppose it will depend on my siblings’ mercy, and considering one of those siblings is Vanitas, I’m not very optimistic.

She sighs, stands, and pushes in her chair.  “Well, might as well get it over with.”

“What, leaving already?”  Axel asks.  Vanitas knocks his spoon out of his hand while he’s distracted, proclaiming himself ‘Lord of the Spoons.’

“Yes.  You are not required to leave, but it is time we returned home.”

“Yes!”  Vanitas cheers.  “Bye-bye, Sai-Sai!  Hope Dad whoops your butt!”

My eyes narrow.  “You are coming too, Vanitas.”

“Whaaat?”

_“Now.”_

“Aww…”  He picks up Flood, who had had a spoon balanced on his back.  “C’mon, Flood.  We gotta babysit Saix and his Pretty Girl.”

Jasmine hides her laugh behind her hand.  He’s just a ten-year-old; I don’t understand why she seems embarrassed. “My name is Jasmine.  Why do you call me…” ‘Pretty Girl’?”

“You’re a girl.  You’re pretty.”  He looks at her like she’s also pretty stupid.  “Duh.”

There’s no censoring Vanitas.  It isn’t even worth a sigh.  “He isn’t wrong.  Now come, it’s getting late.”

XXX

Thankfully, Vanitas does not attempt to dart off in the parking lot.  It is far too dark and cold to begin a new search, and I believe he understands that, if his shivers are any indication.  Wordlessly I drape my coat around his shoulders, and wordlessly his shivering stops.

Even under Aqua’s jacket, Jasmine shivers as well, but I don’t dare do anything to assist her.  I may not be the “space heater” Axel is, but I could at least warm her hands, if that were still an appropriate action.

I do still open her door.  She delivers an automatic “Thank you.”

Vanitas waits like he expects me to open his door for him.  When I don’t, he dives in through my own door.

“Seatbelt,” I tell him when he tumbles over the center console into the back seat. 

“I didn’t wear it on the way here,” he complains.

_“Seatbelt,” I_ repeat with a stern glare.  Appealing to the one thing that can occasionally prompt his good sense, I add, “Keep Flood safe.”

 “Flood’s tough.  He doesn’t need a seatbelt either.”

“You may test how tough you both are when I have to scrape you off the windshield.”

“Ugh, fine.”  He buckles himself, then buckles the narrow center seatbelt over Flood.

Jasmine remains quiet throughout the drive to her house.  The Disney soundtrack doesn’t prompt her singing, which is somewhat regrettable.  At least I am not required to duet.

The distance seems longer, perhaps due to the silence, perhaps due to the snow that begins to fall, causing me to proceed more cautiously.

“It’s beautiful,” Jasmine says, staring out at the passing streets.

“The snow?”

“Yes.”  She smears frosty condensation from the window.  “Where I used to live, no one had ever heard of snow, much less seen any.”

Cautiously I ask, “And where would that be?” 

“Agrabah,” she replies.

I recall the small country from World Geography my sophomore year.  Axel had dubbed it ‘Sand Capital of the World’ after we watched a documentary featuring it.

“Then you’re very far from home.  Why did you move here?”

“It’s a long story,” she says, and we’ve already arrived at her palace-like home.  “…Maybe I’ll save it for another day.”

Another day?  She still plans on speaking to me after this?  I am strangely… pleased.

I check the back seat, and to my relief, Vanitas is fast asleep, face squished against the cold window.  Drool drips from his gaping mouth; I will make him clean that later.  For now I take back my jacket that has fortunately escaped his saliva.

I walk Jasmine through the lightly-falling snow to her front door.  This exchange is nearly as foreign as the first time I approached it.  Axel said that this is the time one would kiss his date goodnight, but in this case I don’t believe that applies.

“I apologize again,” I say, because it is the only thing that feels appropriate.   “It was wrong of me to use you for my own selfish purposes.”

“Well,” she begins while pushing a strand of hair from her face, “there are much worse ‘selfish purposes’ a girl could get used for.  So… thank you.  For not being like that.”

I smile in spite of myself.  “That is certainly one thing you need not worry about.”

She sighs regretfully.  “You could’ve been such a great guy, Saix.”

Again with the mood shifts.  I thought we were past that.  “I… do not understand.”

She rolls her eyes.  “You’re mostly respectful.  You’re not constantly staring, you don’t make inappropriate comments.  You’re funny… in your own way.”  She shrugs.  “You just _had_ to trick me and… get my hopes up, I guess.”

“Believe me, Jasmine,” I say quietly, gaze focused at the snowflakes settling on her lawn.  “You can do far better than I.  Please don’t allow me to dash your hopes for the rest of my gender.”  Not that many of them are worthy of her… but surely someone is, more so than I.

She laughs a little.  “There you go.  Being funny again.”

“It was not intentional.”

Suddenly she embraces me, briefly, releasing me before I have time to process it.

“You’re a dork.  But I had a good time anyway.”

“You… did?”

“I thought about it, and except for the whole lying to me part, yes.  I did,” she admits.  “Most of the time boys just take me to dinner and a movie.  This was much more interesting.”

“’Interesting’ does not always mean good.”

“I guess you’re right. “ She shrugs.  “But it was fun.  I got to learn more about you.  That even the great protocol-following Saix can be a complete idiot.”  She smiles.

“And… how exactly is that a good thing?”

“Now I know you’re a real person instead of a robot,” she teases.  It sounds like something that would come straight out of Axel’s mouth.

 “Whatever the reason, I am glad that you don’t see it as a complete disaster,” I reply.  Any other girl could have taken my actions much more offensively, but Jasmine somehow forgave my imperfections, even if they are not forgotten.

“Oh, it was still a disaster.  But a disaster can be fun.”

“…I will never understand you.”  But I don’t mind.  I don’t need to understand her to enjoy her company.

“Well, I hope one day I might understand you,” she replies with an ironic smile.

“If you’re willing to keep trying, I will in return,” I promise.  She may only be an acquaintance, but she is an interesting acquaintance.  And one of a small handful who is interested in me, so I suppose I should attempt to keep that intact.

If the first hug was unexpected, this one is startling.  “In that case, you’ve been promoted to Friend.  Congratulations.”

“I… thank you.”  She feels surprisingly warm compared to the frigid air.  Her hair feels like silk against my cheek, or like the fur of one of the cats I take care of.  It’s… comforting.

“You’re welcome.”  She releases me, but the warm feeling remains.  “Merry Christmas, Saix.”

“Merry Christmas, Jasmine.”  I don’t know what prompts me to add, “Your hugs are not unpleasant.”

She pauses to smile oddly at me before turning the doorknob.  “Isn’t that the same as ‘pleasant’?”

Sometimes honesty feels painful.  Most likely another result of my pride.  “…I find your hugs pleasant.”

Her smile softens like melting butter.  “You don’t have to be in love with me to like my hugs.  It’s okay, Saix.”

“I… don’t have much experience with the matter.”  I look away.  “It is late.  I have kept you in the cold long enough.”

“Is that your way of saying goodnight?”  She asks.  I dip my head respectfully.

“Goodnight, Jasmine,” I say plainly.

A tiny giggle escapes her as she shrugs off Aqua’s coat and hands it back to me.  “Goodnight, Saix.  Good luck with your Father.”

I’d almost forgotten about that.  “And you with yours.”  Somehow the thought didn’t seem quite so intimidating anymore.  As long as Vanitas did not spread rumors… rumors that may be true…

As she disappears into the warmth behind her door, I disappear into my snow-crusted car.  Vanitas snores deafeningly in the back seat with Flood now cuddled in the crook of his neck. 

In spite of the snoring, an unfamiliar peace sweeps over me.  I can compare it only to the few moments under the moon when I have achieved deep meditation.  It begins in my chest and spreads outwards, relaxing tense muscles from my back to my fingertips, loosening my grip on the wheel.  I refocus myself, but I still smile.

For the first time since I became friends with Axel, I have truly opened myself to someone.  Somehow, in spite of my deceptive, disgraceful actions, I have found a new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does the character development between Saïx and Jasmine feel forced? I like this chapter, but I’m not sure everything feels as smooth as it could. Maybe it’s just because Saïx is an awkward person trying not to be an awkward person. I don’t know.


	15. Warmth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Axel's POV.

Now thisis more like it.  Sheesh, we should’ve gone with the arcade in the first place – no falling on my butt, no kids falling out of the sky, just a safer idea all around.

Plus, I can show off my awesome skee ball skills.

_“Thirty_ tickets?!”  Xion counts the red roll when the machine’s done spitting them out.

“Yep.”  I brush off my hands against each other.  “All in a quarter’s work.”

“The most I’ve ever gotten is, like, six.”  I bask in the glow of her admiration, even if it’s only over an arcade game.  “I bet your long arms make it easier.  Somehow.”

“What?”  I pretend to be offended.  “This is _clearly_ pure skill.”

She laughs while accordion-folding the tickets into a thick stack and handing them to me.  “You’re a dork.  But you’re my favorite dork.”  She gently places her hand in mine, and it’s all I can do not to pull her into a bear hug and kiss her right there.  But she’s got rules.  And hard as they might be, it’s worth it as long as she’s happy to be with me.

“Heh, don’t go saying that around Rox.  He might get jealous.” I freeze with the tickets and my hand in my pocket when it hits me that that’s a pretty likely possibility.  “How _are_ we going to explain all this to Roxas?” 

“It shouldn’t be hard, right?”  Xion bites her lip.  “He doesn’t like me like that, does he?”

“Well…”  I rub the back of my head.  My poor hair has suffered so much abuse tonight, there are hardly any spikes left to ruffle.  “He hasn’t dropped any hints to me.  But I can’t promise he doesn’t, either.”  I’ve been a little paranoid of that ever since I started liking her, but I never outright asked him.  It wasn’t that I was scared, it was just… well, yeah, I was scared.  They’re closer than siblings; they did everything together while I wasted my time with other girls.

“Well… then I guess we just tell him and find out,” she says uncertainly.  “I mean, Father won’t let you be my boyfriend yet anyway, but I know Roxas.  Even if he does like me, he’d feel worse if we didn’t tell him about this.”

Both of those statements punch me in the gut.  One, the possibility of telling Roxas I stole his crush.  I can just picture the crushed, heartbroken, betrayed expression he’ll have if he does like her… eyes wide, jaw slack, like I just admitted to kicking puppies… the thought makes me actually cringe.

And two, Xion can’t technically be my girlfriend.  I mean, I knew that going in, but I didn’t expect things would go so fast and work out this… well.  Huh.  Saï didn’t screw up too bad after all.

“…Yeah, guess you’re right,” I agree.  Besides, if Roxas liked her, he would’ve said something by now, right?  He’s not exactly the secret-keeping type.  “He’ll be fine.  We’re best friends; it’s not like we’re going to kick him to the curb just because we like each other.”

Xion’s face tinges pink.  “Of course not.  I just hope he knows that too.”

I know what she means.  Roxas’s jealous tendencies can be almost as bad as Saïx’s when he feels left out.  Example A:  the time Xion and I tried to throw him a surprise birthday party, only for him to crash it early because he thought we were just avoiding him. I could go into examples B-Z, but most of them involve awful dates I now regret, so I don’t feel like dwelling on it. 

“Don’t worry about it,” I assure her – and myself – while flicking another coin into the skee ball machine.  “Like I said, he’ll be fine.  Now, want some skee ball lessons from the master himself?”

She giggles when I wiggle my eyebrows.  Yep, she’s totally fallen for me.  Or thinks I’m ridiculous, but I choose to believe the first.

“Oh, why not.  You’re cute when you brag.”

Under normal circumstances, I might object to being called “cute.”  But there’s no doubt I’ve fallen head-over-heels for her, too.

The balls roll down, and I grab one out of the machine and toss it to her.  “Well, let’s see you give it a shot before I swoop in with any tips.”

She shrugs.  Swinging her arm back like she’s preparing to bowl, she slings the ball up the ramp, where it shoots up and smacks the top of the machine before clunking into the bottom hole.  That was… well, it was something.

“Told you I was no good at this.”  She rubs her arm sheepishly. Sure, she’s pretty bad, but it’s nothing I can’t fix.

 “Hey, no problem.  You got me to prance around in knife-shoes; teaching you to roll a ball will be cake compared to that.”  

I plop a new ball in her palm. “It’s all in the roll.”  Covering the back the back of her hand with mine, I swing her arm back and forth, slowly and smoothly.  “You don’t have to throw hard.  Just make sure it’s smooth.”

She nods.  “I think I got it.”

Reluctantly, I release her hand.  “Great.  Let’s see it.”

Just like I said, she smoothly rolls the ball… right into the empty backboard to the right of the 40 hole.

“…I forgot to go over aim, didn’t I.”  I grin out of the corner of my mouth.  This might be a bit harder than I thought.

“Yeah, just a bit,” she teases, gently nudging me with her arm.

“Hey, no abusing the master,” I tease back, faking injury.  “Come on, I’ll make a skee ball pro of you yet.”

By the time Kairi and Sora rush over from across the arcade, Xion’s finally amassed a solid twenty-one tickets… over the course of four quarters, but hey, it’s progress.

“Fifth time’s the charm, right?” She laughs.

“Axel!”  Kairi calls, right after Sora nearly plows me over.

“Whoa, whoa!  What’s the rush?”  I thought Sora only moved that fast when he and Riku did their ‘macho’ show-off races.

“Come on, Xi, you have to see this!”  Kairi grabs my date’s arm and drags her away.

“Ow, Kai, my ankle—!”

“Hey, what’s going—?”

Sora practically shoves me from behind.  “Terra’s getting his butt kicked!”

“Wait, what?”  Terra’s a black belt in… whatever martial art Eraqus teaches; how is he getting his butt kicked?  And why is Sora _laughing_ about it?  I shoot Xion a questioning glance, but being dragged by Kairi, all she can do is reflect my confusion and try not to put too much weight on her hurt ankle.

When I actually see what Terra’s doing, it makes a little more sense.  He and Aqua found the two-player ‘Race Mode’ on the new Hero’s Duty game; that much I can tell even with the small crowd of arcade-gamers clustered around them.  And, judging from the crowd’s chants of _“A-qua! A-qua! A-qua!”,_ he really _is_ getting his butt kicked.

“Aqua?!”  Xion exclaims, surprised.  “How did you get so good at that?!”

“Practice,” she replies without missing a shot.  “And a few tips from Calhoun.”

“Not fair!”  Terra complains, struggling to keep up as the Cy-Bugs pile up around him. Meanwhile, Aqua’s already entered the tower.  “I thought the only video game you played was Rumble Racing!”

“I thought so too.”  Xion’s brow furrows.  “Father doesn’t like us playing violent video games.”

Which is weird, considering Aqua teaches kids how to beat each other up.  “It’s not really violent, Xi.  You’re killing monster-bugs, not people.”

She still looks uncertain.  “I guess so…”

I don’t know how they can handle it, trying to keep track of so many rules.  If I tried, I bet I’d have a meltdown and binge on video games, junk food, and other brain-rotting stuff before a day was up.

“Terra bet Aqua he could beat her,” Sora tells me as Aqua zaps Cy-Bug after Cy-Bug, clearing floor after floor.  I whistle in appreciation.

“What’s Terra gonna have to pay up?”  As I say it, he finally makes it to the tower door.

Sora grins.  “If Terra wins, Aqua’s gotta do his English project.”

“Yeah, but we both know that’s not gonna happen.  So what’s Terra gotta do?”

“That’s the best part.  Terra’s gotta babysit Vanitas for a whole day during the break.”

I laugh.  “Heh, stinks to be him.”

A Cy-Bug’s laser shoots directly towards Terra’s screen, and he doesn’t dodge fast enough.  GAME OVER flashes over a bright red background, while Aqua’s avatar receives the Medal of Heroes.

“Ugh…”  Terra slumps.

“Hope you don’t have any plans for December twenty-third.”  Aqua smiles teasingly.

“You know, I think I’ll be sick that day…”

“How do they make bets like that and not drive each other crazy?”  I ask Kairi, since she’s the resident romance-psychologist.  She shrugs.

“That’s how they flirt.  One-upping each other is their thing. Like how your and Xion’s thing is eating unhealthy amounts of ice cream.”

“Hey!  I object to that,” I pout.  “We don’t _just_ eat lots of ice cream.”

“He’s right,” Xion adds with a smile.  “We also try to teach each other things.  Usually ones we have no hope of learning.”

I was just going to say we also complain about our siblings and watch cartoon ponies, but her statement is also true, and sounds more thoughtful. 

“Hey, I wasn’t _completely_ hopeless at ice skating – nah, you’re right,” I give up on my denial.  “It was pretty bad.  But for the record, you’re a good teacher.”

She pushes a strand of hair out of her face.  Her little side-braid from earlier is trying to fall out, but at least it still keeps most of her hair out her way.  Much as I like her normal hairstyle, I do like being able to see her eyes better.  “Thanks.  And thanks for trying to learn anyway.”

I crack a smile.  “What can I say, I have to try the impossible.”

Terra and Aqua finally hand over their blasters to two boys that were waiting their turn in the small crowd.  They look kind of young to be at the arcade this late… wait, that’s Phineas and Ferb.  They look too young for most things.

“Have you all had enough fun tonight?”  Aqua asks.

“What, you ready to leave already?”  Terra crosses his arms.  “I can’t go home on that note.”

“Yeah, his ‘manly pride’ will never recover.”  I smirk, disguising the fact that I’m not ready to leave either.  We’ll have to eventually, but the longer I get to spend with Xion, the better.

“Alright then,” Aqua says, checking her watch.  “It’s nine-thirty.  The rink closes at ten.”

“You’re on a date too,” Xion reminds her.  “Don’t forget to have fun because you’re worried about keeping us on schedule.  You’re not our mom.”

Coming from anyone else it would be a sarcastic jab, but from Xion, it’s just an honest reminder.  From the way Aqua responds, I wonder if she actually did forget for a minute.  That girl’s got a lot of pressure on her.

“Right.”  She takes Terra’s hand, turning to him.  “So, what do you want to do before the night’s over?”

He grins.  “I’ve got a couple ideas…”

I raise my eyebrows and take Xion’s hand.  “You wanna give them some privacy?”

“They could use it.”  She nods, then her face lights up with an idea.  I swear there’s nothing more beautiful than that moment.  “How does a game of air hockey sound?”

She knows me so well.  “You’re on.”

XXX

Okay, I admit it.  I underestimated her.  Still, I haven’t had the chance to play against her in forever; how was I supposed to know she became an air hockey wizard?

I try to follow the neon green puck, but it’s ricocheting all over the place.  It slips past my guard, and I don’t notice until I hear it clatter out the return hole.

Xion smiles proudly; Kairi cheers for her third point.

“C’mon, Kai, don’t cheer for the competition!  You’re supposed to be on my side.”  I glance at the glowing red score.  Three-zip.

“Xion’s my friend.  I don’t have to root for you just because you’re my brother.”  

Really?  Then what are sisters for?

“It’s okay, Axel!”  Sora exclaims.  “I’ll root for you!  Go, Axel!  Woo!”

I laugh, slapping the puck back onto the table.  “How can I lose with a cheering section like that?”

“Pretty easily,” Xion teases.

“Oh, we’ll see about that.”  I wiggle my eyebrows, making her laugh.  It’s a good enough distraction; I hit the puck straight through into her goal.

“So you’re cheating now?”  She shakes her head in disappointment.  “I really thought you were better than that.”

“Hey, you should’ve been paying attention.”  I shrug innocently, briefly wondering if she’s serious.  In my own moment of distraction, she tries to sneak in a score, but I don’t fall for it.

“Nice try.”  I deflect the puck, and we’re thrown into another back-and-forth duel.  I’m not so bad at air hockey myself; I just got too cocky in the beginning.  Now that I’m paying more attention, I can parry her quick shots.  Like fencing.  Only without a sword or the stupid outfits… so nothing like fencing, actually.  Y’know what, forget the lame metaphor.

“Nice one, Axel!”  Sora cheers when I barely keep her shot from sliding into my goal.

“He’s got an advantage,” Kairi says, watching me stretch out and hit the puck when it somehow slows to a stop in the middle of the table.  “His arms are a lot longer.”

“Hey, what’s with everyone hating on long arms today?”  Xion’s doing just fine with her shorter arms anyway.

“I don’t hate your long arms,” she replies, a little shyly.  Not that that stops her from aggressively defending her goal.  “Your arms are the best at hugging.”

Kairi “d’aww”s; I ignore her, focusing on the neon puck, but my thoughts still wander...  How many times have I actually hugged Xion?  Definitely not enough.  But unfortunately now’s not the time to fix that.

“I dunno,” I finally reply.  “My hugs are pretty good, but you haven’t had your own hugs.”

I score on her while she’s blushing.  Not a bad side effect.

“Did you say that just to distract me?”  She challenges.

“Nope.  That one was just a compliment.”

“…Oh.”  I don’t think she knows how to take it, especially with Sora and Kairi watching.  Don’t they have something better to do?  Sometimes it’s kind of annoying that they’re too good to go make out in a corner somewhere…

The score’s three to two now; I could catch up with a little luck.  Still, much as I like winning, I picture the look she’d have on her face if she beat me.  Excitement, victory, that glow she gets when she’s happy… that’s a better prize than bragging rights.  I let the puck ricochet around my guard; Kairi and Xion hi-five.

 “C’mon, Axel!  You can do better than that!”  Sora tries to motivate me.

He’s right.  I’m not gonna let her win without breaking a sweat.  Where’s the fun in that?

I rub the puck over the table, testing which side is smoother.  “You ready?”  I ask Xion.

“Sure.  Thanks for asking this time.”

“I want to stay in your good graces, don’t I?”  I raise my eyebrows.  “Figured my manners could use a little exercise.”

I give the puck a solid whack, catching a few good angles off the sides, but she returns it so fast it almost slips past me.  Forget letting her win; I have to put in some elbow grease just to hold my own.

“Sheesh, Xi, when did you get so good at air hockey?”  I ask after she scores on me again.  Five-two.  I really gotta step it up, or I’ll end up like Terra.  At least I won’t have to babysit Vanitas if I lose.

She shrugs.  “I play against Saïx when we’re here.  Sometimes Roxas, too.”

I try not to be jealous.  Or at least not show it.  Of course there’s plenty of things they’ve done without me; Roxas and I do enough stuff without her.  Anyway, Roxas and Saïx are worthy opponents, so I guess Xion working to match them shouldn’t be a surprise.

With a few angled shots, I score the next point, but Xion gets one soon after while Sora’s killing my ears with his cheering.

“Six-three,” I announce, shaking my head.

“Yep.”  Xion grins.  “You’re not giving up yet, are you?”

I raise an eyebrow.  “What do you take me for?”

I send the puck her way.  The tables finally start to turn – I score two points in a row.  Six-five.

“Don’t trip at the finish line,” I tease.

“I’m not trying to.  You’re good at this.”

“Heh, looks like we finally found something we’re both good at.”  I smile while she hits the puck my way.  I may not need to win, but the closer the better.  Kairi and Sora are getting a kick out of it; I catch their eyes ping-ponging between Xion and me, trying to keep up with the neon-green blur.  A few times it hits a bad angle and I have to rescue it from the middle, and I spare a moment to catch Xion’s eye.  Her face is flushed, from effort or excitement.  Her big blue eyes make it hard to look away, but when I finally do, I score the tying point.

“Six-six!”  Sora announces before I can.

“Good, maybe we’ll finally get a turn, if this place doesn’t close first,” Kairi says, leaning against the table.

“You can’t rush awesomeness.”  I grin at her.

“I’m not rushing awesomeness.  I’m rushing you.”

I pause for a second to glare at her; she just flutters her eyelashes innocently, trying to look cute.  Nice try, Kai.  I may be a sucker for cute things, but you’re my sister.  You don’t count.

“Just for that, I’ll draw this out as long as possible.”  Fake-yawning, I slowly ready my guard.  Xion actually takes the time to wait on me, which is rather polite considering she could’ve easily scored and won.

“Ready?”  She asks.

“If _some_ people are done being insulting,” I throw the sarcasm at Kairi, who rolls her eyes.  Xion laughs and shoots the puck my way.  I block and return it – I may be rooting for her, but I can’t be too obvious about it. 

Ironically, for all my failure earlier, she actually _misses it._ The puck slides right past her guard, clattering down into the goal, and the table doesn’t spit it back out again.  Instead it powers down, air vents whirring into sad silence.

“Nice job, Axel,” Xion congratulates me, looking pretty happy for having just lost, and Sora cheers while Kairi rolls her eyes again.

“Wha-what?”  I blink.  Why’s she look so proud of herself?  Wait a minute… “Did you let me win?!”

“Huh?  Why would I do that?”  She blinks innocently, but her blush never lies.

“I was supposed to let you win, not the other way around!”  I exclaim without thinking.

“What?!”  Xion looks a little insulted.  Whoops.  “Why would you do that?”

Kairi laughs.  “Looks like both of your egos are too big, if you ask me.”

Well, I _didn’t_ ask my over-critical little sister.  I answer Xion’s question.

“Because I thought it would make you happy.  And I love the look on your face when you’re happy.”

I wish Kairi and Sora were the kind of people I could scare off with mushiness.  Unfortunately, they’re the exact opposite.

“Aww,” Sora coos.

“Shut up,” I mutter to him.  I can take it from my sister – it’s part of the big-brother package – but I don’t have to take it from her boyfriend.

Xion flushes pink.  “Then you know why I let you win, too.  …Only it didn’t really work.”

I take her hand, leading her away from where Kairi and Sora are inserting quarters into the air hockey table.  We’ve only got so much time left; I’d like to spend a little more of it just with her, and not inside a girls’ bathroom.

I smile at her.  “Hey, I’m happy just to be here with you.  You don’t have to try too hard.”

She smiles back shyly, eyes shining.  “Me too.  Being with you, like this, I mean… I just can’t believe this is actually happening…”

“I know what you mean.”  I squeeze her hand.  It’s still hard to believe she was as nervous as I was; she didn’t even have to learn how to skate around on knife-shoes for the first time.  “You still need a list for me to convince you?”

She laughs back, leading me over to the Pac-Man game, out of the way of the few other people still loitering around.  “I believe you.  I just…feel kind of like Cinderella right now, and I hope it doesn’t end at midnight.”

“Don’t worry about that.”  I pull her into a tight hug, then remember she’s tiny and I shouldn’t squeeze her too hard.  “You’re more beautiful than Cinderella, and I sure hope I’ve got more personality than that prince.”

I never thought I’d get to hold her like this, feel her laughing in my arms, watch her glow with happiness because of me.  It took me too long to realize I wanted to. All this time, I was missing out on this best feeling – well, I guess I couldn’t have been with her anyway, because of her dad’s rules… I shouldn’t want to change anything.  It took all my fails to realize this is what I want, and now I’m here.  That’s good enough.

“How are you always so funny?”  She asks.

“It’s just my natural charisma,” I reply with a mock-dramatic hair flip, which works a little better than usual since my hair spikes are sad and limp.  I don’t admit that I try to be witty to make her laugh; I’m not ready to spill _all_ my guts yet.

She laughs again, squeezing me back.  Maybe I should let go, but I don’t think anything else will feel as good as hugging her.  Nothing I’m allowed to do yet, anyway, no matter how tempting it is to lean down and kiss her smiling lips—

Shut up, Axel.  Be happy with what you’ve got.

So I just smile with her resting her head on my chest and run my fingers through her silky hair.

“That tickles,” she says, giggling a little.

“I’ll stop if you want.”  I pause.

“Please don’t.”

I smile and go back to playing with her hair.  Seriously, how is it so silky?  Does girl shampoo have some sort of magic in it that guy shampoo doesn’t?  I could try borrowing Kairi’s, but I’m afraid I’d end up looking like Riku.  Plus Kairi would kill me.  And I don’t want to smell like a girl… yeah, so all around a bad idea.  Whatever it is, though, it’s working for Xion.

“I wonder how Saïx and Jasmine are doing,” she muses unexpectedly, and I frown.

“I’m sure he has her home by now.  But that was definitely weird.”  I’m still not convinced he doesn’t like her.  Paranoid as he is, I don’t think he went through all that effort _just_ to spy on us.

“Yeah.”  She shakes her head.  “I don’t understand him.  If he really wanted to spy on us, he could’ve just joined in and made it a quadruple date.  I mean, it would’ve still been weird to see him with a girl, but no one would’ve been mad.”

I shrug.  “Saïx doesn’t work that way.  He likes making things more complicated than they need to be.”  Plus I’m sure he didn’t want me teasing him, but I don’t mention that.  “But hey, it all worked out, right?”

She relaxes.  “Of course it did.  This is perfect, Axel.”

I can tell from her voice something is still wrong.  Does she just want to make things more complicated, too?  “But…?”

She sighs.  “I just wish I understood him better.  We used to be pretty close… then one day he just didn’t want me to hang out with you guys anymore.  I never figured out what happened.”

I think I remember that, a little.  I don’t know what happened, either.  It was just like he suddenly got too cool for his little sis.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I don’t get annoyed with Kairi, but with Saïx and Xion, it was like someone flipped switch.  And she’s been my friend almost as long as him.  I never thought about it much before, but now that I do…

“Hey, when did you say you started liking me?”

She pulls back a little, looking up in confusion.  “Since I was around eleven.  Why?”

When she was eleven, I was twelve… no, that couldn’t be right.  Saïx started acting weird when we were in the eighth grade.  We would’ve been fourteen.  It couldn’t have been because Xion started liking me…

Unless he didn’t find out until then.  Still, that’s kind of a stretch.  I shake my head.

“What is it?”  She asks when I don’t respond.

“Nevermind.  I was just thinking, not making sense.”  I shake it off and grin.  “But hey, don’t worry about Saï.  I’m starting to feel neglected.”

She laughs.  “Fine.  I’ve got every other day to worry about him.  How much time do we have?  We could see what prizes we can get for these tickets.”

“Hold on, I’ll check…”  Which pocket did I leave my phone in?  Not the left one; those are the tickets…

She slips her phone out of her pocket before I find mine.  “What?  Only ten minutes left?!”

Sure enough, mere seconds later, the intercom breaks the same depressing news.

“I could hide you behind one of the game cabinets,” I joke when her shoulders slump.  “I bet they wouldn’t look for you there.”

“Maybe not, but I think they’d see your bright red hair sticking out,” she jokes back, poking one of my drooping spikes.

“Heh.  Can’t help my hair being awesome.”  I nudge her playfully.  “C’mon, we better go find the others.”

She “aww…”s under her breath, but I smile.  How lucky am I to have a date who doesn’t want to leave?  …Honestly, it’s kind of a first…

We find Aqua and Terra absorbed in a two-player Sugar Rush race, their feet squashing the pedals flat against the floor.

“You’re going down this time, Minty Zaki!”  Terra gloats.

“We’ll see about that, Fluggerbutter,” Aqua replies coolly, her little cart inching up on his.  It’s pretty ridiculous watching them get into it, especially Terra – man, if I got his face on video, I bet it’d go viral in twenty minutes.  But I’m not that heartless… well, at least not with Xion watching.

“You guys planning on getting kicked out or what?”  I ask, leaning against the back of Terra’s chair.  He waves me off.

“Give us a minute, it’s the last lap!”

“Whatever.”  I shrug.  “You guys make any bets on this one?”

Aqua actually smirks; it’s a weird expression for her face.  “No.  Terra learned his lesson, for once.”

“Hey!  How was I supposed to know you played violent video games?  I could sue you for hustling.”

“That’s not hustling.  You just made assumptions with no evidence.”

Xion shakes her head.  “You guys are so weird.”  I don’t think she realizes how often Roxas and I make similar stupid bets.  Luckily neither of us is brothers with Vanitas.

“We can go find Kairi and Sora,” I suggest, since I don’t feel like watching a bunch of candy-coated girls duke it out on karts.

“Sure,” Xion agrees.  Taking her hand, we wander to the other side of the arcade, where Sora’s trying to teach Kairi the ancient and honorable game of Whac-a-Mole.

“Good luck, Sora,” I say sarcastically as Kairi misses a mole by three holes.  “She’s got the hitting arm of a dead jellyfish.”

She sighs after missing again.  “Normally I’d be offended, but it’s kind of true.”

I harness my powers of self-control and don’t ask, _“Kind of?”_

“Don’t feel bad, Kai.”  Sora takes her hands after she throws the squishy hammer at the machine, which had started playing laughing noises at her.  I have to snicker myself, but I try to hide it in my scarf.  “I used to have jellyfish arms, but now look!”  He pushes up his sleeve and flexes, showing off a wimpy bump of a muscle.

Kairi just shakes her head and laughs.  He’s lucky she’s got a soft spot for completely pathetic things.

“It just takes some practice,” Sora adds.  “Oh, and working out with Riku helps too.”

I clear my throat.  “Hate to rain on everyone’s parade, but they’ll be kicking us out in five minutes.”  I wish I didn’t have to be the responsible one, but Saïx isn’t here to do it for me.

“Awww,” Sora groans loudly.  “Really?”

“Yeah.  C’mon, you can make puppy eyes at my sister later.”

They both blush, and Xion laughs a little.  “You’re not the only one who can tease,” she tells Kairi.

“Ha ha, very funny, Xi.”

From the embarrassing victory dance going on over at the Sugar Rush cabinets, I guess Terra won.

“Come on, Terra.”  Aqua shakes her head, staring up at the ceiling, like some alien spaceship might come down and abduct him before he can embarrass her any more.  “Or do you really want Calhoun to see you dancing like that when she throws you out?”

Terra finally stops doing some painful mix of the sprinkler and the running man, but he doesn’t look happy about it.  “You just wanna suck the fun out of everything, don’t you?”

Aqua rolls her eyes.  “Yes, Terra, that’s it.  I exist only to make you miserable.”

Grinning, Terra sneaks a quick kiss on her lips.  “Well you’ll have to try harder.”

I’m about to get their attention, but an order-barking voice does it for me.

“Knight!  You know what time this place closes!”

Aqua suddenly stands board-straight.  “Yes, ma’am!”

A tall woman with a short, choppy haircut strides out from around the Hero’s Duty game.  “Then get these kids out of here so I can lock this place up tighter than Cyrus’s jeans!”

“Yes, m-ma’am,” Aqua repeats, choking back a laugh.  I look to Xion with my eyebrows raised.

“Calhoun’s kind of famous for her… uh, interesting comparisons,” she explains.  “She’s Aqua’s boss here.”

“Okay…” ‘Interesting’ seemed like a polite way to put it. 

“What are you waiting for, a hand-written request?  Need to call your mamas?  Do it outside!”  She waves us out, actually whacking Sora on the back of the head as she does.

“Okay, okay!”  He holds his arms up to protect himself as we’re herded out into the cold.  “We get it, we’re leaving!”

“And take your kitten-whispers and tickle-fights with you; we don’t need to mop up your mush.”  She slams the doors behind us.  I’d joked about getting kicked out, but I didn’t expect it to be so literal.

Aqua brushes herself off.  “Well, that’s Calhoun for you.”

“Is that her first name?”  Kairi asks, and she shakes her head.

“We always call her Ma’am – well, and some of the less polite employees just call her the Sergeant.  I honestly can’t remember her first name.”

I tune them out, listening to Xion’s shivery breaths.

“You cold now?”  I ask with a grin, and she half-smiles back.

“Maybe a little.”

I slip an arm around her waist, pulling her close as we walk through the parking lot, leaving shallow footprints in the still-collecting snow.  The fresh powder reminds me of last winter, after Larxene and I broke up, when Xion had me lie down and make a snow angel…

_“That’s what your soul is.  An angel.”_ That’s what she told me.  That and some stuff about Larxene, but that part isn’t important now.  I get the urge to flop down and make a snow angel right now, and if it were just me and Xi, I would.  But like it or not, it’s time to go home.

I laugh when Xion sticks out her tongue to catch a snowflake.  “Taste good?”

“It tastes like cold,” she replies sheepishly.  Snow clings to her black hair like a fluffy halo; I brush some away before it can melt into cold, clear drops.

I stick out my tongue too, catching a few flakes.  “Yep.  Tastes like cold.”

She giggles; I wish I could just hold her and catch snowflakes together out here in the cold, but even if we had more time, I couldn’t keep her out here in good conscience.  I can feel her shivering even with me sharing my body heat.

The Rainsmell isn’t any better – actually, I think it’s even colder in the beat-up minivan than outside.

“Man, I wish this car had seatwarmers,” Terra says, shivering and rubbing his hands together.

“If it did, I bet they’d catch on fire.”  I click the working seatbelt, which I got to without squishing Xion this time.

“Oh, it’s not _that_ bad, Axel,” Xion says, taking my hand.  I wrap my warm fingers between her ice-cube ones.  Her hands are so _small,_ they’re so tiny and perfect.  Cold from the winter air, but perfect.  “I’d be more worried about us sliding off a cliff or something in this snow.”

“If we did break down though,” I say quietly, hoping to slip under Kairi’s eavesdropping ears, “at least I’d get to spend more time with you.  Y’know, unless we did slide off a cliff and die.”

This time her face is already pink from the cold, not from blushing.  “I’m not sure that’s comforting.”

“Sorry.  I’m dumb.”  I shake my head.  “Forget about the dying part.  I just meant I want to be with you.”

She gives me a funny look, but it’s a good funny look.  A sort of _I-don’t-always-understand-you-but-I-like-you-anyway_ look.  “I thought I was the only one who thought weird sappy stuff like that.”

“Heh.  See what you do to me?”  Good thing I don’t care (much) if I embarrass myself in front of these people.  Not in the admitting-I-have-a-heart way, anyway.

She laughs, and we slip into silence for a little while, watching snow flurries fly by outside our windows.  Only that’s not as interesting as watching the girl beside me, so I search for a new conversation topic.

“You think Vanitas will tease you about tonight?”

She shrugs.  “If he’s not too busy messing with Aqua and Saïx.  Even if he is, I’m sure he’ll find some time to spread the Annoying.”

“The usual, right?”

She laughs.  “No kidding…”

We talk all the way to Sora’s house – Aqua’s nice enough to drop him off so I won’t have to on my way home.  I can’t resist spying on him and Kairi as she walks him to the door.

“Has she told you if he’s kissed her yet?”

“Axel!”  Xion smacks me lightly.  “Even if she did, I couldn’t tell you.  She’d swear me to secrecy.”

“…So she _hasn’t_ kissed him?”  I guess.

“Axel, I’m not telling!”  Maybe it’s annoying sometimes, but at least I know she’s trustworthy with secrets, including mine.  Even about what almost happened with Larxene.  Still, I prod her a little more.

“Come on, Xi, she’s my sister.  Big brothers need to know these things.”

She gives me a disapproving look under scrunched eyebrows.  “So you’d want me to tell Saïx if you kissed me?”

…Okay, she has a point.

“Fine, miss Steel Vault,” I mumble.  When I look back to the window, Kairi’s already walking back to the car.  “Man, missed my chance…”

“Serves you right,” Xion smirks teasingly.  I can’t help but feel like she’s mimicking me.

Much as I want to tease Kairi about Sora when she gets back in the minivan, I know I’ll get the same backlash about Xion.  I’ll save it for the drive home.

The rest of the way back to Xion’s house feels longer than my Chemistry class.  It’s slow going with Aqua trying to navigate the slick, snowy roads, but it’s still not long enough.  At one point I regret thinking that and all the other stuff about dying, when we hit an icy patch and nearly careen off the edge of the road into the woods below, but Aqua pumps the breaks and gets us back on track.  The whole time Xion clings to my hand, nearly cutting off my circulation.  But I don’t have the heart to tell her to let go.  When we’re past the worst roads, she relaxes a little, and I distract her by talking until somehow she ends up telling me and Kairi a story about the time Sora and Riku tried out one of Eraqus’s martial arts classes.

“And I thought you said it was rude to gossip about your friends?”  I tease.

“It’s different!”  She insists.  “They’d tell you the story themselves if they were here.  Well, Sora would anyway…”

Kairi laughs.  “Did he really think Bob was real?”

“He almost jumped out of his shoes,” Xion says.  I can see it; Sora does have some big shoes.  “Vanitas still messes with him about it when he comes over, always turns Bob to look like he’s watching him.”

That training dummy wouldbe creepy if it looked like it was watching you; I can’t blame Sora for that one.  At the same time, I wish I could see the look on the kid’s face.

But right now, my main wish is that I didn’t feel the car stopping.  But I do.  We’re here, in the Knight’s driveway.

“When’s Vanitas going to grow up?”  Kairi asks, yanking open the door and climbing out.

Xion shakes her head.  “I wish I knew.”

We get out of the van-shaped death trap, and I slam the door behind us.  I’m always afraid I’m gonna break the thing – well, break it worse than it already is.

Aqua and Terra migrate over to the side of Terra’s truck.  I look away when they wrap their arms around each other – maybe I’d spy on my sister, but that’s in the job description. I don’t need to invade anyone else’s privacy.

“It’s a long drive back.  I’m going to use the bathroom before we go,” Kairi says, glancing between me and Xion and Terra and Aqua.

“…Did she just _not_ take an opportunity to spy on me?”  I ask when she disappears through the front door.

Xion grins, nudging me with her elbow.  “She’s making you look bad.”

“Or she’s spying through a window—”

She hugs me, effectively derailing my train of thought off a cliff, like the Rainsmell almost was.  “Oh, come on, Axel.  If anyone’s spying in there, it’s Vanitas.  I don’t care.”

“Heh.  Guess as long as I don’t do anything too stupid it doesn’t really matter.”

I just enjoy hugging her, my arms protecting her from the cold, keeping the snowflakes at bay.  The ones that make it through my warm barrier cling to her hair like before, like an abstract halo.

“You’re the real snow angel.”  It slips out; my filter’s a little lax right now, staring into those bright blue eyes…

She hides her face back against my chest.  “You’re the best, Axel,” I barely hear her mumble into my shirt.

“What was that?”  I grin.

“She looks up, so I can see her eyes again.  “You’re the best.”

“Heh.  I know.”

“Axel…!”

“Just messing with you.”  I pull her back, just a little tighter.  She’s the perfect size to hug, but I still need to be careful; I’m afraid I’ll break her.  “You’re the best, you know.”

She giggles, snuggling into me.  “I wish I never had to let you go.”

I’m thinking the same thing, but I don’t say it.  “Hey, it’s not like I’ll never see you again,” I reassure her, cupping her face, so she doesn’t hide in my shirt again.

“I know.”  She smiles, but her eyes are a little sad.  “But I can’t hug you like this all the time.” 

I wish she wouldn’t remind me.

“Then until next time,” I whisper, rubbing my hand gently over her back, “get this one memorized.”

She relaxes in my arms, and I hold her there, with the snow flurries wrapping us in a blanket of cold.  Or at least it tries to; I couldn’t have felt warmer if the sun fell on top of us, and then exploded into a million flamethrowers, wielded by firebreathing dragons.  My smile stretches until I think it might detach from my face and float off.

While my heart’s already beating out of my chest, while I feel on top of the world, while I’m too happy to think, I lean down, leaving a fingertip width between our lips at the last second.  So she can choose to close the gap, if she’s ready—

I feel her lips press against mine.  It’s a quick, soft kiss; I don’t hold there long, not because I don’t want to, but because if I do she might never get me off.  The image of both Saïx and Eraqus glaring daggers at me is pretty good motivation to kick my self-control into gear.

When I open my eyes, Xion’s face shines with happiness, like a tiny sun.  I feel on fire myself, in a good way.  How do I describe it?  Better than any longer make-out session I’ve had for sure, because this feels… _real._ Like I won’t wake up tomorrow morning regretting it.  Like I’m… like I’m finally worthy, like I’m finally… free.

It’s the best feeling.

“Gah, gross!  Xi has cooties!”

Xion practically jumps away from me; I spin around to see Vanitas hanging out of the doorway, sticking his tongue out.

“Vani—!”

I sigh, shaking my head, but I can’t stop smiling.  The brat laughs and ducks back inside, nearly knocking Kairi over as she walks out.

“Ugh, little brothers…”

“Hey.”  I kiss her cheek before my sister gets too close.  “I thought you didn’t care if he was watching?”

She pushes her hair out of her face, adjusting a bobby pin.  “…Mainly I didn’t want that to stop you from kissing me...  That doesn’t make him any less annoying, though.”

My heart beats a little faster.  Which is saying something, because it’s already beating like I just ran a marathon.  If It’s beating that fast, does it count as exercise?  Can I get in shape by being around Xion?  Probably not, but guy can dream.  “But you’re still happy, right?”  I ask.

“Of course,” she answers quickly, and I smile. 

“Then don’t let him take that from you.”

She exhales slowly, but I can’t tell if it’s a laugh or a sigh.  Probably both.  “You’re right, but you don’t have to live with him.”

“Wrap it up, Axel,” Kairi calls to me.  “You’re taking twice as long as I had with Sora.”

I whisper to Xion, “Yeah, and you don’t have to live with _her.”_

She laughs.  “You want to trade?”

“Heh.  Not even if you paid me.”  I’d do a lot for her, but adopting Vanitas would be suicide.

Kairi’s tapping her foot now, waiting on me.  I guess I should go… there’s nothing else I feel like I can say with my sister watching, anyway.

Still, I give Xion one last hug, cradling her back and head, taking one last whiff of that flowery smell that must come from girly shampoo.

“Hurry up, loverboy.”

I roll my eyes at my sister.  “See you later, Xi.”

I try to take a mental photograph of her smile.  Because even if I get to see her tomorrow, that’s at least eight hours too long. 

“Bye, Axel.”

“No, not ‘bye,’” I correct her.  “See you later.”

She giggles a little at that.  “See you, Axel.  Drive safe.”

I still drag my feet getting into my car, watching snow fill in her footprints as she disappears inside.

“It’s getting cold, you know,” Kairi tells me, buckling her seatbelt.  “Your girlfriend’s inside.  We can go now.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” I huff, more because of that fact itself than my sister’s teasing.

“But she will be.”  She shrugs.  “It’s just nice to have something to tease you back.”

“Hey, I haven’t said a word about you and Sora.”  Except saying he was giving her puppy eyes, but I don’t remind her of that.  I turn the key, and my car roars to life.  “You guys are dorks, by the way.”

“Oh, like _you’re_ so smooth.”

“I am!  I cleaned up Saïx’s mess and _still_ had a great date.  _And_ I know Xion likes me now.  I’m the smoothest,” I finish proudly, but she just laughs at me.

“You’re lucky I don’t tell her all the dumb stuff you do.  Like when you try to sing ‘Simple and Clean’in the shower.”

Now it’s my turn to laugh, pulling out of the circle driveway.  “Nice try, Kai.  You’d be surprised how much of my stupidity she knows already, and she likes me anyway.”

She shrugs.  “I can’t see how, but you lucked out.  Don’t screw it up.”

“I know.  Believe me, I know.”

In between avoiding icy patches in the road, Xion’s all I think about.  I’ve got the whole night memorized; I replay my favorite parts.  Her teaching me to skate, her smile, her beating me at air hockey, that brief moment with her lips on mine.  Kairi’s right.  I’m a lucky guy.

So maybe this whole “group ice skating date” idea was crazy, but all the chaos, the arguments, the falling kids – it was all worth it.  We broke the ice, and underneath is nothing but warmth.

**Author's Note:**

> Raberba girl came up with Jasmine’s last name and gave me permission to use it. C:


End file.
